The Hike

Dobro jutro, my darlings! That, of course, is good morning in... Bosnian. We know!

Okay, have we done something? I'm so confused. What do you want?

Aren't these just the cinnamon buns from the lobby? And wouldn't you know it, they have presented themselves unfolded.

But then you remember my crippling carpal tunnel from all those years of signing cheques.

Oh, it's just a gesture, David! Stop being so literal.

Oh my God, Turkish Cosmo once included my photo on their list of the world's best sarongs.

I don't actually go in the open water, but I can't wait to see you do that.

Those are actually an insane safety hazard. If they catch fire, you're basically trapped in a burning cage, so. But, totally.

Ew, Ted! What am I, 32?

Yeah, I just sorta feel like picnicking by the side of the road is basically an invitation to be murdered.

Yes, so that you can tell me I don't need to!

David, you have to stop watching 'Notting Hill'. It's not helpful for our relationship.

I could do without the musky aroma though, whew!

According to Mrs. Rose, our motel is the only place sad enough to pass for a pre-war Berlin brothel.

Just like your youth, right, old man?

You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!

You can try, I don't think you'll have much luck. The poor guy died of a heart attack.

John? John, can you hear me? Can you hear me? Try to follow the sound of my voice.

He predicted when he was going to leave my mom like, to the day.

Well, you should probably get your story straight if you're getting people to donate money, though.

Yeah, so I see a boat capsizing. People screaming. And a couple, like, under water. And then it sort of fades to black.

Mm, more like a funeral.

Well, if you can track my eBay bid, then, by all means.

Just wonder why we couldn't have found a meadow somewhere, you know, with some men on horseback like, trotting in the background.

Well, the app that's counting my steps isn't working, so I honestly don't know.

Where's the bear?

And I include Caroline in that, and I've had that wig for 40-years.

I'll have to keep the pills, but I'm not one who's the health risk here.

The last time I was in one was with Lenny. Although he didn't stay very long.

I once played a nurse on 'M.A.S.H.'

It was either the first aid kit, or the ice packs.

and not a Band-aid to be found in either of them, but still.

Um, just being on the internet.

Like, I will physically be there, but I will be thinking about them here.

what you're describing is missing someone, and it is a totally normal feeling.

What if something happens to David? I'm basically his only friend.

I don't do math.

And I drained a 20-footer, and finished with an eagle.

Well, he did say that there have been some fatal cases... of heartburn.

Yep, I'm just really not looking forward to folding those programs.

Plus, you don't want to know what my Mom would do if you showed up to opening night, and couldn't walk.

Are these 24-karat? It's a yes, it's a yes! I love you.

I think the deck may be cursed. I predicted four other drownings today.

Either that or it's a stain from a beer bottle. Because my mom's ex gave me the cards.