Vying For Attention

Will:Having breakfast with Rico Suave?

Will:Don't worry, G. I'll have it back in your room in an hour, man.

Vivian · Will:How did this Playboy get in here? / I bought it.

Will:It's a special legal edition. The centerfold wants to be a Supreme Court Justice.

Carlton:I've never known anyone in construction. Except for that guy in the Village People.

Ashley:Yeah, well, his daughter can sleep in my room, but if she touches my stuff... I'm stuffing her in the clothes hamper.

Ashley:What? It's not like Hillary never did it.

Will · Carlton:All she's trying to do is get to her retirement plan and her rocking chair. / Is that why she's moonwalking up the driveway?

Will:Divas!

Will · Vivian:Hey, your complexion has cleared up. / So did yours.

Robert · Will:You're funny. You must be Carlton. / Well, no, you see, actually, Carlton is the funny-looking one over there.

Will:See, I'm Will. But you can just call me Your Majesty.

Robert:I may be small, but I'm not ignorant.

Hillary · Claudia:Oh, my God! Isn't she the cutest little thing you've ever seen? / Not really.

Hillary · Claudia:And isn't he the biggest hunk you've ever seen? / Not really.

Will:First thing she does when she gets anywhere is... she kicks off her shoes... rolls her hair up into one of them twist joints... and goes and puts on one of my big old sweat suits.

Vivian:Sorry, everybody, I just had to freshen up a little bit. You like my new pearls, Will?

Will:Yeah, but they would probably look better with one of my big old sweat suits.

Vivian · Robert:Thank you, baby, but I'm eating lighter these days. / You want half my melon?

Philip · Philip:I feel a little thirsty, too. / Robert? Do you mind getting Vivian something to drink while you're up there? And toss me a Pudding Pop.

Will:Oh, sure. It's just gonna break again in 20 years.

Vivian · Robert:Tell them, baby. / I'm in construction.

Will:Yo, I'm working on a big deal. You know, down at the restaurant where I work? I'm about to be promoted... to vice president in charge of keeping bums out of the entryway.

Hillary · Robert · Hillary · Robert:So, Robert, you know how to fix a broken dish? / Sure. You got any superglue? / I was talking about our satellite dish. / So am I.

Will:Well, why? It's hot, it's smoggy... and plus, I won't be able to hear nothing y'all are saying.

Vivian · Ashley:Ashley, honey, where are your manners? / I'm sorry. Did he pop the question, please?

Hillary:Let the maids worry about the sinks. What does he drive?

Aunt Vivian · Vivian · Aunt Vivian:The important question is, does his mother like you? / She's dead. / Girlfriend, you in.

Claudia:I'm not down with O.P.P. anyway.

Will:Claudia, now, after this barbecue... you know, you guys had the junk and all the stuff in your teeth. Did my mom have to go home to use her toothbrush... or did she already have one there?

Claudia · Will:Are you trying to trick me to find out how serious they are? / So, what, you think they're pretty serious?

Carlton:My brother, it's time you wake up and smell the Play-Doh.

Will · Will · Vivian:Mom! You half-naked! / Come on, you don't want Robert to get the wrong idea. / You damn straight! You don't think I'm doing these butt-busters for my health?

Vivian:Okay, that's it, young lady. You go to your room... in Philly.

Will · Vivian:Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up, Mom. How you gonna play me? Why you ain't hook me up with one of them pink jumpies? / I couldn't find one with a fly.

Will:Man, Jane Fonda got a butt like Arsenio.

Will:Maybe not. I'd like to have kids one day.

Will:When you say 'surprise,' you don't mean like... 'I'm driving down a big hill, and all of a sudden: Surprise! My brakes don't work'?

Robert:It was an oyster bar. You see, I was a little shy, so... Luckily, she came up and she talked to me.

Robert · Will:Is it true you took your diaper off and ran around Sears naked? / You're damn right, and I'd do it again if I had to.

Vivian:So what kind of marble do you want for those his-and-hers sinks?

Philip:I'd like to impart some words that I've always lived by: Mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.

Robert · Carlton:I have to admit, success is sweet. But having three beautiful women to share it with makes it even sweeter. / Especially when they're triplets.

Will:It's nice to hear you gonna have some money now. I guess them old girlfriends gonna be coming out of the woodworks, huh?

Will:Uncle Phil, no jumping over the net.

Hillary:Honey, save the rice. You'll be needing it for the wedding.

Will:I was standing behind Robert in the mirror... Dude ain't got no reflection!

Geoffrey:How about reservations?

Will · Carlton · Will:I feel like something exotic. / Okay. How about Lebanese? / You think Robert will mind swinging by Beirut?

Geoffrey:I'm afraid it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Center, madam.

Claudia · Carlton:Carlton, you just have to know how to ask. / Now can I have Barbie's head back?

Carlton:I haven't seen him this upset since someone told him he looked like me.

Vivian · Aunt Vivian:I thought I was the sweet one. / You said you were the sweet one. When we tried to tell you you weren't... you wouldn't listen because you're too hard-headed.

Vivian · Aunt Vivian:Vivian, I can't get this out of my mind. How can you say that I am hard-headed? / Gee, Vy, I don't know where I could have gotten that idea.

Carlton:I see your frightened inner child and I'm here to say... come out and play.

Carlton:You can never watch too much Oprah. If it wasn't for her show, I'd still be in denial about my drinking.

Carlton:Of course, none of that will help you in the corporate world, but... for the next year or so you're sitting pretty.

Carlton:if your mom abandons you and gets married... you'll always have me. Because... well, you're like the brother I've always wanted.

Carlton · Will:For not hugging you, right? / No, you know, for saying that I'm like the brother that you always wanted. And for not hugging me, man.

Will:Boy, time flies when you're running up to your bedroom.

Vivian:Don't you use that tone of walk with me.

Will · Vivian · Will:All right, but I'm picking my own chair. / Boy, sit down. / What a coincidence. That's the one I was going to pick.

Vivian · Will:Do you expect me to be alone forever? / Yeah. I mean, you done good this far.

Claudia:The guilt alone will get us both ponies.

Will · Claudia:Well, no, I'm not into using guilt for my personal gain. / Temper tantrums. That's where the money is.

Claudia:When you take me to the parks with you, I can attract more babes than a puppy.

Aunt Vivian:Are you kidding, child? You cry more than Richard Simmons.

Claudia:Thanks for letting me polish your shoes... hang up your clothes, and vacuum your room. It was really fun playing Geoffrey.

Claudia:What? It's not like Hillary never did it.

Philip:I'd like to impart some words that I've always lived by: Mo' money, mo' money....

Philip:Trying to be a professional here!