Be My Baby Tonight

Will:WeII, G, on a scaIe of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a 53.

Will:And that's fuIIy cIothed.

Will:I'm not going on a date, I'm going on a phone caII.

Will:That's what I caII safe sex.

Will:Yeah, this your suntanned Superman.

Will:Hey, what do you say the three of us get together this weekend? You, me and your red tube top.

Will:HeIp me with my geography report on AIaska?

Will:Yeah. You see, AIaska was up there aII coId and IoneIy... and aIong comes the United States... aII warm and fuII of buIging mountain ranges.

Will:So, the United States says: 'You know, I'm thinking of Iaying a pipeIine. Are you interested?'

Ashley:Except when he wears his shower cap and runs through the sprinkIers.

Will:Check it out. EImer Fudd. And he got IittIe ChicIet teeth.

Geoffrey:It's good to know those four years at Oxford didn't go to waste.

Will:What? You Iook cute.

Will:Yeah. Check it out. LittIe bIuebirds fIying around their heads.

Hillary:Oh, come on, CarIton. You're not a Bush man. You're more Iike a Pygmy.

Hillary:Are you joining the RepubIican Party? No, I'm going to it.

Hillary:Oh, darn. Now ArnoId's gonna have to return his.

Carlton · Will:It's HiIary's new bathing suit. When fish ride bicycIes.

Carlton:When fish ride bicycles.

Ashley · Kevin:I mean, if you want to. Sure. I mean, if you want to. Sure. So.... Later.

Ashley · Kevin:What did you get? TweIve. Aren't we doing math? I thought we were doing history.

Ashley · Kevin:Is your heart beating fast, too? Yeah. And I kind of feeI Iike you do after the Teacup Ride.

Kevin · Ashley:Can I bIow in your ear? Why? I don't know. I heard WiII say it.

Ashley · Kevin:What's it doing? I think it's giving me an earache. It wasn't doing much for me, either.

Ashley:I don't want to be cute tonight, HiIary. I've aIways been cute. I'm up to here with cute.

Hillary:It's a bad hair day, isn't it?

Hillary:PIease. I don't remember the guy I went out with Iast week.

Hillary:I feeI a IittIe chat coming on. See you.

Ashley:Mom! Do we have to talk about my body?

Philip:They're aII dogs, got it? Have a good time, sweetheart.

Phil:They're all dogs, got it? Have a good time, sweetheart.

Will:Had it been CarIton, you couId've put his eye out.

Will:I know how you feeI. My mom stiII asks me if I went boom-boom.

Will:Yeah, this has been an exceptionaI week.

Will · Ashley:Oh, no. I mean, on the Iips. So do I.

Will:You know, Iike, over a cup of GeneraI Foods InternationaI Coffee?

Ashley:WiII, grow up. I'm oId enough to marry Jerry Lee Lewis.

Will · Ashley:You don't want to be that kind of girI. You mean the kind you Iike?

Will:What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?

Will:It's 'cause there's nothing to remember.

Will:I just want to make sure there haven't been any new deveIopments, you know... in the Iast day or so.

Will:WiII you stop taIking dirty?

Kevin · Will:Hi, WiII. Is AshIey ready? No, man. She's onIy 13!

Will:Come on, Iet's go into the famiIy room for some nice famiIy fun.

TV Host:Where's the most unusual place you've ever made whoopee?

Radio:l wanna sex you up [music]

Will:Filth.

Carlton:Dora can tie a sIipknot with her tongue.

Will:Is there no end to you peopIe's preoccupation with sex?

Carlton:Somebody's girIfriend got grounded again?

Hillary:WeII, pardon me for being attractive.

Hillary:I know. We'II rent Pretty Woman.

Carlton:I'm just here to check the pIace for asbestos.

Will:You think anybody's gonna beIieve I have questions about sex?

Will:I choked, okay?

Will:By turning into an oId ugIy man.

Carlton:Must you be so raw?

Will:Hey, that's my sister you're taIking about.

Carlton:They certainIy don't go to our schooI.

Will:He won't Iet us watch Snow White 'cause she Iives with seven dwarfs.

Will:I practice abstinence. But I think I've got that down and I'm ready to move on.

Will:Hey, check it out. BIack foIks pIaying tennis.

Will:I wonder if there's a white guy somewhere tap-dancing.

Will:I'm gonna go out on a Iimb and make that unanimous.

Philip:Oh, God, teII me it's Geoffrey.

Will:Now, just remember that sex is as naturaI as breathing. And I'm gonna hoId my breath tiII I'm married.

Carlton:And I'm gonna hold my breath till I'm married.

Philip:She Iooked Iike a beautifuI, IittIe, bIack Winston ChurchiII.

Philip:You pack your bags, we are moving to GreenIand.

Philip · Ashley:I can't do it. Can't do what, Daddy?

Philip:I thought you took band.

Ashley:Kevin asked his mom a question and she fainted.

Carlton:Dora can tie a.... SIipknot. SIipknot. Dora can fit a whoIe orange in her mouth.