Strip Tease For Two

Carlton · Will:Will, give me all your money. / I'm sorry, Carlton. I don't feel like playing 7-Eleven.

Will:$50? I could take 25 women out to dinner.

Carlton:And I know you can hear me with ears that big.

Will:So is that French nanny you're dating. Enough said.

Carlton:Will, take my hand... come out of the ghetto... and take a stroll down Wall Street.

Carlton:Now, when you take a girl out to dinner, they can get something to eat, too.

Will:So then they'll owe me something! I'm with you!

Carlton:God, how I love life on the edge.

Carlton · Aunt Viv:Those almost look like real diamonds. / They are, so be careful.

Carlton:My, that's a lovely tattoo. You know, the knife dripping blood really sets off your eyes.

Agnes:The one-armed chick that works the corner of Hollywood and Vine?

Agnes:She a class act. Okay, $300.

Geoffrey:Moron! Fathead!

Geoffrey:Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!

Hilary:Mom, have I told you that every year you grow even more youthful? You're going to be well into your 40s before you need plastic surgery.

Philip:Men with money can drive her away in their cars.

Hilary:You never got me a pony.

Geoffrey:What the hell's your problem? You got bricks in your butt, you clown?

Will:I'm gonna go out and get my very own team. It's between the Raiderettes and the Laker Girls.

Carlton · Will:You can't buy love, Will. / Man, what you talking about? I don't want love. I just want them to follow me around saying, 'Go, Will. Get busy. Put your thing down.'

Carlton:How can I put this in terms he'll understand? More money.

Will:See, I'm gonna go out and get me a Burger King, right? And then I'm gonna hire some topless counter girls... and then I'm gonna really have it my way.

Will · Carlton:Carlton? / Yes, Will? / That ain't a good thing, is it? / No, Will. / We're in trouble, ain't we? / Yes, Will.

Carlton:No Harvard. Dead end. 'Paper or plastic?'

Carlton:$24, $25. Gosh. Who'd have thought they'd pay you so little for selling your blood?

Carlton:You only have to give blood 50 more times to get Mom's bracelet back.

Will:But I see three of you, and I don't know which one to hit.

Carlton:What are you qualified to do besides flirt with women... and dance to loud, primitive music?

Will:Male strippers wanted. Bingo.

Carlton:Shake that groove thing.

Will:Does David Duke shop white sales?

Will:Dancing around in some cheap club... while women put dollars down my underpants. I love this country.

Geoffrey:They're not, thieving wankers.

Philip:I'm Shamu.

Mrs. DeWynter:She's going to make some man a wonderful wife one day. Soon, I hope.

Vivian:That's what Drew Barrymore said.

Geoffrey:No, Master William's not home, thank God.

Geoffrey:And they also requested that you bring a spare... G-string.

Carlton:Gingham Turtle restaurant. Sounds pretty sleazy.

Will:Check out the lowlife.

Will:Between King Thong and Rambro.

Maître d':Sir Graham Higgins, doing a medley of operatic favorites.

Hilary:Will... shake something, damn it!

Various crowd:Take it off! / Put it on!

Crowd:Take it off! Put it on!

Vivian · Carlton:Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute! / Mommy.

Carlton:I just wanna say it's all his fault.

Philip:Federal offense. Go on.

Philip:Grand larceny. Impressive.

Will:I don't know. Reward us for our honesty?

Will:Hey, it worked for the Beave.

Philip:The Beave! Do I look like a white guy named Ward?

Philip:The Beave! Do I look like a white guy named Ward?

Will · Agnes:I thought we had an understanding, you know? I mean, we speak the same language and all. What's going on? / Babe, we ain't nothing going on but the rent.

Will:Hey, look, Agnes, slimmie, now, what's up? How you gonna play me?

Agnes:Babe, we ain't nothing going on but the rent.

Agnes:I hope it doesn't interfere with our relationship, Sweet 'N Low.

Agnes:Work it, honey.

Will · Philip:Hey, it worked for the Beave. / Worked for the Beave! Do I look like a white guy named Ward?