Granny Gets Busy

Will:It's WiIIsenio... Smith!

Will:Well, l've grown a little bit since you've seen me, about an inch and a half. Check this out, l got some chest hairs now. Look.

Will:See? Digger One there. Oh, that must have been sweater lint.

Will:Have you ever felt, you know, not so fresh?

Will:Got an A+ on my Spanish test. Man, muchos brainos en eI cabeza, si?

Will:That means, 'How much is the espadrilles?'

Carlton:No, it's one of your friends from PhiIIy, too cheap to buy an airIine ticket.

Carlton:No, this is my new exercise bike. I'm gonna use it to deveIop my huge Iegs. You know, I figure I'II need them... to support my massive chest and my 24-inch pythons.

Carlton:This equaI-opportunity thing has gone just a IittIe too far. I can't beIieve they're Ietting girIs pIay on my intramuraI basebaII team.

Ashley:Next thing you know, they'II be Ietting us vote. Don't even get me started on that issue.

Carlton:Women have their pIace, but men are the cornerstone of civiIization. Not onIy are we good at men-things, but we're good at women-things, too.

Hilary:Sew a dress. I saw it on The Brady Bunch.

Will:Another pIanet, man. I ain't sewing no dress.

Will:WeII, what? Are you crazy? We'd do a dress Iike that. And that incIudes a fuII smocking and smart pIeat.

Carlton:I mean Geoffrey.

Will:If I was 50 years oId... I'd definiteIy take her out for a bucket of chicken.

Aunt Vivian:She's been cIapping the Iights on and off for the Iast 20 minutes.

Uncle Phil:You Iook so fIuorescent.

Hattie:I am three pounds Iighter, a whoIe Iot tighter... and I'm dressed to chiII.

Will:Go, Granny.

Will:Last week they served tapioca. Man, the cops had to break that joint up.

Hattie:I'm sIimming.

Hattie:Okay, you basset hounds. If you Ieave me to it, I can bake a pie... and stiII get in a bike ride before supper.

Will:Yeah, that's a good Iine, Ed. I'II have to use that one myseIf.

Ed:WeII, maybe not... but you a Iong way from the stewing pot.

Ed:Women are Iike CadiIIacs... they don't even begin to rev up untiI they hit 70.

Will:Yo, E. Another dope Iine, man.

Hattie:Six years of Oprah, and this is stiII a shock.

Hattie:And I use that term IooseIy.

Uncle Phil:That's exactIy what it Iooks Iike.

Will:Work it, honey.

Hilary:Sounds Iike somebody with a bad haircut.

Ashley:Other than your girIfriend in biker shorts?

Geoffrey:Magnificent server.

Hattie:Thanks? For what? I just got here.

Mrs. Sweeting:Did I mention I crochet?

Hattie:Excuse me, I just remembered I have some pantyhose soaking upstairs.

Mrs. Sweeting:That's what I make, afghans, onIy afghans. Not scarves, not tabIecIoths, not doiIies.

Will:I think I'II go transIate the Dead Sea ScroIIs.

Hattie:Bitchin'? Is he going surfing? I thought we were gonna have Iunch.

Will:Bungee jumping.

Will:Nice meeting you, Miss Sweet Thing.

Uncle Phil:My socks are aIready off. Just come out naked.

Uncle Phil:So are you and Mick Jagger.

Uncle Phil:I'II bring you some sugar cookies.

Carlton:It's a IittIe formaI, isn't it?

Will:Never.

Ashley:A guy's idea of an icebreaker is sitting next to me in the cafeteria... and beIching my name.

Will:There's nothing Iike Iove to buiId up a good appetite.

Uncle Phil:Not at my age, either.

Hattie:Your face is Ionger than Arsenio HaII's.

Hattie:But, you know, when you're out having a good time... the Iast thing you think about is the bed.

Uncle Phil:Why isn't it?

Uncle Phil:Jump in with me and bring the kids.

Uncle Phil:Leave the kids.

Vivian:If I promise to jump in with you?

Phil:Like what? Nice suit. Pass the saIt. What's your favorite wrench? Anything.

Will:That wouId be Granny.

Will:My dad had a spotted coat, then he had it cIeaned.

Will:My dad Ioved brownies. He once ate a whoIe pan-fuII.

Uncle Phil:That expIains a Iot.

Will:My dad had parents. We caIIed them Grandmom and Grandpop.

Will · Uncle Phil:My dad Iiked-- Sweet-potato pie!

Hattie:Because he promised he'd never Ieave me. Crazy as it may seem, I beIieved him.

Ashley:And the bike Iooks great, too.

Will:CarIton Banks is wearing an eIegant, yet mascuIine, cotton-siIk combination... designed by WiII St. Le CarIton.

Hattie:Baby, come to Mama. You want some fries with that shake?

Carlton:Yeah, I kind of Iike it.