The Best Laid Plans

Will:Oh, baby, you all that and a bag of chips!

Will:Hey, I'm lying, I'm dying, you know what I'm saying?

Will:whatever it is that you serving... you better give me a double!

Will:I was just playing. You know how I be joking. I be joking.

Will:Man, something smells good. Oh, wait, that's me.

Carlton · Will:I don't smell anything. Oh, that's funny. It's a lot lighter than it was when I put it on.

Will:six or seven hours later, we'll come back down again

Will:You don't know what I'm saying.

Hilary:Well, you know how I'm always borrowing your things? Well, you don't have to worry about this one.

Philip:To the restaurant. Le... Chez... Mc...

Geoffrey:I'm guessing they're not for me. I haven't put out in years.

Philip:Not anymore.

Will:Uncle Phil, you lied to your woman.

Will:My man, give it up top.

Will:Jean-Claude Van... Damn, I'm fine.

Geoffrey:Oh, if you need me, I'll be dodging winos at the bus station.

Monique:I told him I was going to church.

Will:The Lord is good.

Will:And I ain't even oiled up yet, you know?

Will:Maybe you'd like to go upstairs and I could do my stand-up.

Monique:Now, why waste time going upstairs? See, this way whenever you pass the couch, you'll think of me.

Monique:Maybe I could get some memories of you in the kitchen and the Jacuzzi, too.

Will:Watch yourself, girl.

Monique:Mama knows, child.

Will:Look, Monique, I'd love to talk, but there ain't no blood in my brain.

Carlton:No nookie last night?

Carlton:Let's see, a week from Friday, it will be 18 years.

Philip:Oh, cars!

Philip:Oh, God, this car isn't in trouble, is it?

Will:Never been off the lot as far as I can tell.

Philip:then you throw a rod, you flood your carburetor, you crack your block

Philip:No sex before marriage.

Will:I've been doing that since the '80s. It don't work no more.

Philip:I know I'm talking to teenage hormones from hell

Will:We both mens here, you know? We got ugly needs.

Jazz:and for the republic in which it stands

Jazz:Get busy.

Jazz:Hey. This is God's crib. Take that in the street where it belongs.

Jazz:Any minute now that minister's going to realize his house ain't on fire.

Jazz:Granted, my brother, we're good, but people can still see us.

Will:we only got 18 hours left before checkout.

Will:These damn buttons. You got some scissors, girl?

Will:Girl, be gentle.

Monique:Honey, I meant for the rest of our lives.

Will:Yeah, come on, baby, let's get naked. This thing open from the back or the front?

Will:What a coincidence 'cause there's something I want to give you, too.

Will:Thanks, a little box.

Will:Oh, damn!

Will:Sorry, Grampy.

Jazz:You know, my child, I've never known the pleasures of the flesh... but I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.

Jazz:Don't go away baby. Bartender, another Olde English for the lady.

Jazz:Now, get a bottle of whiskey, liquor that girl up... and take advantage of her. Be a man for God's sake.

Will:Well, to be honest, my wife took it.

Carlton:Will and Monique stole a Mercedes, and ran over somebody's wife.

Hilary:Obviously, Will has been seeing a woman named Mercedes, Monique found out... and I'm still working on the wife part.

Ashley:Well, I think Will married Monique just to get her into bed... and when she found out, she got so mad she took off in Dad's Mercedes.

Carlton:Get real!

Will:I don't know, Uncle Phil. I'm out of control. Please stop me before I disobey again.

Will:I'm a victim. I'm a victim of my imagination.

Will:You know, that's radical, Uncle Phil, but it just might work.

Philip:Be afraid, Will. Be very afraid.

Will:I got that effect on women, you know.