M Is For The Many Things She Gave Me

Will:Well, maybe it would have worked if you had taken her too.

Will:Sorry, it was just a little collegiate humor.

Uncle Phil:Finally, after two years... I realized that Janice wasn't gonna have me, so I settled for Vivian. With Vivian. With Vivian!

Aunt Viv:Geoffrey, prepare Mr. Banks' couch.

Geoffrey:It's in your tie drawer next to the Pringles.

Geoffrey:Least that's better than the Kit Kat he keep with his drawers.

Hilary:My horoscope was right. This is my lucky day.

Will:Maybe science can just come get her brain now.

Aunt Viv · Will:She's 18. - Good answer.

Aunt Viv:Men.

Will:Well, number one, because I don't be saying stuff like 'opt.'

Will:Number two, because Geoffrey still has to cut up your food.

Geoffrey:With all due respect, young sir... I've seen you in action with women, and quite frankly, you're an idiot.

Will:Oh, you were shaving your nose? Okay.

Will · Carlton:Damn! - Damn!

Janice · Aunt Viv:Oh, Phil, please stop. - Yes, Phil, please stop.

Hilary:and they preempt your favorite programs. I remember during Desert Storm, trying to find Knots Landing...

Carlton:Perhaps after dinner... we can go for a drive and talk about it in depth.

Carlton:I said I'll pay you when I get out!

Will · Wendy:Oh, the Arthur Murray Dance Studios. - Tango?

Will:That's fine, that's fine.

Will:Well, you know, it was kind of like Shaq picked up the pool house... and he was shaking it, you know, like them little snow globes.

Mrs. Robertson · Will:Was that baby Nicky? - No, no, baby Carlton.

Will:Well, he's kind of like a 10-year-old trapped in a 12-year-old's body.

Will:And frankly, I'm a little uncomfortable with this higher level of comfort.

Will:Listen, my uncle has a fat problem. I should be more sensitive.

Will:There's a picture right there of you with no bathing suit top on!

Will:Well, you know what? I'm gonna run down to the lobby, get some of them free brochures, you know.

Will:No, no, no. They was in two separate rooms, and I wasn't in either one.

Carlton:You're over 5 feet, aren't you?

Will:See, now, Cleopatra Jones, see, she got that karate stuff, right? She got some sweet moves on her. Plus, she be packing heat. But Grace Jones, she just scary.

Will:because, you know, my Uncle Phil likes to eat while he cooks... and might not be nothing left for nobody else, you know what I'm saying?

Janice:How would it make me look?

Janice:You know, I still have that halter-top.

Aunt Viv:Saint Bernards are friendly. But even they don't slobber as much as you.

Will:Well, she ain't get away from me.

Uncle Phil:You slept with Janice!

Uncle Phil · Ashley:Ashley, go to your room. - Oh, I love this!

Will:Have you ever seen your mother naked?

Will:Oh, yeah, go blame it on me!

Vivian:You can sleep on your couch.

Will:From now on, I'm only dating girls with ugly moms.