Love In An Elevator

Will · Carlton:Well, I got a pair of eights. / Ah. Sorry about that, bro, I got a Dolly Parton. / What's that? / A bigger pair. Whaa!

Will · Carlton:Oh, man, I could just kiss you. / I could just kiss you too.

Will:Next time I'm gonna let Jazz kiss you.

Jazz:The Strip 'N Trip wanna know if the hotel will furnish extension cords? And tell Naughty Nelvina and The Naked Drill Team to wear coats or they'll never get past hotel security.

Will:How could I miss that big square head of yours?

Will · Carlton:Oh, no, not another Scooby-Doo piñata. / Pssh. I wish.

Will:No offense, Scrappy... but it's hard to top the parties I've been to.

Crowd:Go, Will. Go, Will. Go, Will.

Woman:Girl, I'm sure glad we got rid of that nut.

Will · Jazz · Tom:I was trying to get up to my room. / Hey, Tom, what was you doing? / I was trying to be in the video.

Will · Jazz · Carlton:Man, this party is dull. / No, man, this party is stupid. / No, no, no, this party is crazy, flat, dumb, dumb, doodie.

Will · Jazz · Carlton:You're the man. You're the man. / You're the man. / You're the man. / BOTH: Ahhh!

Carlton · Will · Jazz:Jazz is the best man? / Then what the heck am I? / Short.

Carlton · Jazz:He got me Rolanda, the Rubber Lady. / Look, I'll have you know that Stan, the world's smartest duck... was this close to getting on Leno.

Will:Yeah, let's have a moment of silence... for all the girls that have found me irresistible.

Will:Mirror, mirror on the wall, Jean-Claude Van Damme, I'm fine.

Will · Lisa:You know, if somebody was to walk in here right now... they might think you was hitting on me. / Trust me, if I was hitting on you, you'd know It.

Will · Lisa:Really? How? / [Kiss demonstration] / Okay, you made your point.

Another woman · Will · Carlton:Which one of these losers is my date? / That would be me. / This is my cousin, Carlton. / Where's the rest of him?

Carlton:I may be short, but you know what they say... about short men and tall women, don't you? / No. What? / I don't know, just making conversation.

Will:Man, didn't your mothers ever tell you, don't play with buttons?

Jazz · Will:Can I throw a party or what? / I don't believe this. / There's a python and some triplets in there... and I'm stuck in here with Ren and Stumpy.

Will:We've only been in here for five minutes, Carlton. Get a grip.

Carlton:I am not fine, all right? I'm a grown man... sitting under the table, hugging a teddy bear. I'm not fine.

Will:Y'all going to leave me hanging up here like a piece of Rotisserie Gold, huh?

Will:Oh, so I guess we're going down, huh? / Faster than a bucket of chicken at Oprah's.

Carlton · Jazz:Let me out! Let me out! / This is all your fault, you finger-licking ragamuffin.

Jazz:Who are you calling muffin, Little Debbie?

Will:Wow, gravity. What a rush.

Will · Carlton:Yeah, I'd rather be anybody but myself right now. / Well, it certainly wouldn't be the first time.

Woman · Will · Carlton:Now, where did you transfer from? / Bend over. / It's Andover. We're going back home.

Woman · Will:That's a fake mustache. / No, it's not. / Ah! Yes, it is. / No, it's not.

Phil · Will:Will? / Well, it ain't Fat Albert.

Will · Carlton:Look, at least you got a chance to live life to it's fullest. / I only had one woman. One.

Carlton · Woman:Will you marry me? / You are too adorable for words. / Can I give you a kiss goodbye? / Yes. / Tomorrow morning.

Carlton:When the elevator was falling and I thought we were gonna die... your life flashed before my eyes.

Will:Girl, you look good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all.

Will:Girl, I got to tell you. That suit look like a piece of good God, wrapped up with some have mercy... with a side of oomph!

Will:I've seen your picture before. / Oh, yeah, that's right. It was in the dictionary next to 'ka-blam!'

Will:Well, I'm hoping you like it dark, hot... sweet and with a spoon in It.

Will:Yo, baby, I know your feet must be tired... because you've been running through my mind all day!

Will:Hold, hold, hold it, baby. See, now, I noticed you noticing me. So I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you too.

Woman · Will:Is that what passes for a compliment around here? / Actually, baby, you got it, but I take donations.

Jazz:She tied a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you.

Will:Well, you so ugly, your mama had to feed you with a slingshot.

Will:You're so ugly, that ain't a fade on your head... that's your hair running away from your face.

Woman · Carlton:Strip away the shoulder pads and the muscles and the dimples... and what you got? / You.

Will:Carlton. Carlton, man, I'm sorry about all those short jokes. You know, it really took a big man to handle it... and, well, you tried your best, okay?

Will · Woman · Geoffrey:Geoffrey? / But you told me your name was Will. / No, I said I was willing.

Will:Not really. All I could think about was you.