I Stank Hole In One

Will:Come on, C, you're not big.

Carlton:You wouldn't believe the money to be made kicking people out of their own homes.

Will:Such a big heart for such a little man.

Will:Ah. Fore. Uhn.

Will:Oh, me? No... Yes.

Will:Well, that's not exactly all we think about, if you know what I'm talking about. Ha.

Vivian:Of course, we don't have losing to compare it to.

Ashley:You go, girl.

Geoffrey:Oh, goody. I thought I was going to run out of things to do today.

Geoffrey:Miss Hilary, it's comments like that, that makes this job worthwhile.

Geoffrey:Ah. Another pair of hands to lighten the load.

Will · Regis:Hey, what's up, Regis? / You can call me Mr. Philbin.

Regis · Will:That's a joke. / I got him.

Regis:Hey, don't ever call me Reg.

Regis:No, I'm serious. Don't ever call me Reg.

Will:Well, if it isn't Martina and Steffi.

Will:'Black number five coming up. Ha-ha-ha.'

Will:And I'm gonna pretend I ain't see that little dance you was just doing.

Will:What? A sandwich? Uncle Phil, we just had breakfast a half hour ago.

Will:Yeah, I know. Turkey, bacon, three layers of white toast.

Uncle Phil:Oh! Hey, Mercer, you should save that dazzling wit for the courtroom. You might even win a case.

Regis:I hate to be a stickler, but that's my chair.

Regis:It would be in my best interest if I could sit in the same chair I've been sitting in for the last 15 years.

Hilary:Fine. Big baby.

Hilary · Regis:I'm drawing a blank here. / Don't fix it. / Fix what? / It.

Hilary:Big baby.

Uncle Phil:Hell, no, how could we? He's an even worse golfer than you.

Carlton:You had a great time losing?

Carlton:I mean, once the police come and toss the family out, it's mostly paperwork.

Uncle Phil:Let me tell you, this dude right here is just straight loqued-out on a golf course, man.

Will:All you gotta do is not concentrate.

Uncle Phil:I can not concentrate.

Geoffrey:Yes, but I'm still working here.

Geoffrey:Well, you shouldn't. Not because of that anyway.

Will:Bet it was that dirty boy Bobby Mercer. You know, it's always the quiet ones.

Will:Wait, Carl...? What, I'm supposed to play on my knees?

Will:Maybe worse.

Will:Shoot, with my swing, I might as well play with these.

Regis · Hilary:It takes two people to banter. / Not when I do it.

Vivian:When that little round yellow fuzzy thing comes at you, take a swipe at it.

Ashley:Your outfit was too loud.

Vivian:But if you double fault one more time, I am going to put you up for adoption.

Ashley:Great, maybe then I'll wind up with a mother who can hit a decent backhand.

Ashley:Well, let me say it louder then.

Will:As long as she ain't got a forehead like her daddy.

Will:He told me he didn't have any children.

Rich:Carlton, you still owe me for those Milk Duds.

Uncle Phil:Ha-ha-ha. You keep talking, Mercer, and I'm gonna hand you something else.

Will:I mean... Ow! My shoulder string.

Uncle Phil:If you help me win this thing, you'll never have to work another day in your life. But you have fun.

Phil:Grab your club, son. If you help me win this thing... you'll never have to work another day in your life. But you have fun.

Hilary:Regis loves me for finally bringing a little flavor to the show.

Arthel:That's right, Reg, I'll be right here next to you all week.

Hilary:Oh, great. Now where am I supposed to sit?