Unknown

Ah, I got a splinter. / Well, suck it up. We all have problems.

What's updog? / Nothing much. What's up with you?

Oh, wow. I walked right into that.

What flavor coffee is that, updog? / What's that? / I don't know. Nothing. What's up with you? / Huh? No. Damn it.

He was buried in it, so family heirloom.

Kevin? Would you like to do the scenes from last week? / Why him?

Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who. / I don't approve. I don't.

I'm just killing Germans any way I can. / We're on the German team. / Shoot the British.

Someone immediately asking Michael to get a pen from the warehouse after seeing the pencil routine

Suck up!

Tape recorder. For what? For recording.

Who did this to you? Where is he?

Pam is taller. / You sure? / Yes. / She has bigger breasts too. / I think Karen has a prettier face.

Carrie Bradshaw character asking for help walking to the fax machine

Let's put a smile on that face

Damn it, Creed. I've been up since 4:00

Who are you supposed to be? Dave. Cool.

You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?

You realize you're not actually talking to me,right?

Oh,this is awkward.

Oh, my god! I can't believe it! I just won an art contest. Aah!

Do you love her, or do you love the idea of her? I don't know, man. I just don't know.

Oh, really? From what? Two to four? Yep.

I have an ice cream cake in the car. Oh, my God! Go! Go! Go! Are you insane?

Yeah, that's right. It's a baby, see?

Sir, you can't smoke that in here. Can't smoke anywhere these days.

Again. No pants.

Plus-size models, maybe.

Look at him, t-shirt, jeans. - Is it you? - I am flattered.

Say, 'Me eat cookie.' No. I won't say it.

Break it up, you clique.

Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?

If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom.

'Hey, Erin, you look delicious! I mean, beautiful.'

'C' is for suspension.

'Guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in, because corporate told me to. I just want you to know, I laugh like a crazy person.'

'I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit.'

'I say ciao 'cause I'm fancy from Tallahassee.'

Character trying on someone else's costume without permission

Character not noticing it wasn't his hot coffee

Handbag as answer to seven-letter crossword clue

Branch on planet Jupiter is up 8,000% in sales

'Love you' said to Stanley as he leaves

MacGruber countdown interrupting normal conversation

Coupon book worth $15,000 in savings requiring spending $200,000

If I was the real Scranton strangler, you'd be so strangled by now

MacGruber explaining sales policies with bomb countdown

Why don't witches wear panties? To grip the broom

Where does Dracula like to water ski? Lake Erie

Has anyone started calling you Gabe-wad yet?

Pam choosing whoever smells most like her father

Oh, no, after you. No, I insist. After me. I'm gonna use that one.

It's pronounced 'wacko.'

I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone.

Try zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one.

Okay, I'm not doing every number.

You're typing 'big boobs'? / Try 'big boobz' with a Z.

The password. We're in. / This kept us secure, people.

Get out. Do your job. / What-- / Yes.

Excuse me, everyone. Sex! Now that I have your attention... You don't have our attention. / Money! I'm listening.

We already have a buyer. / Really? Who? / Washington University.

I found the needle in the haystack! / Hey, congratulations. Do you know what your prize is? Nothing. Life lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing.

They only want it for the initials. The domain name. / Oh, God. / W.U.P.H.F.

Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-me-your-money day. / That's humorous. Thank you.

Eight years. / Listen, I know you really like Ryan-- / Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?

Why would I let someone use me? That doesn't make any sense. / What makes you think someone's using you? / Ryan had an idea for a business. / Ryan-- Uh, yeah, okay.

Well, maybe you should handle your own situation now that you know that Jason is banging your wife. / My wife passed away a few years ago.

Booby honking. Butt honking. All the honkings.

The one where you start in a crouched position, then you leap...

With who? She goes to another school.

And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation? Pro. Yes.

I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises.

Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.

What are our plans for tonight? Um... (imitating bed creaking)

What's wrong with cupcakes? Everything.

What about Deangelo's hand? Oh, wow. He's got 'em both up.

All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse.

Nope. Baskets have it.

It's none of your business, actually. It's very medical and personal.

Acting manager.

Do we not have voicemail? Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages.

Why would I put a banana in my holster? In case you weren't hungry now, but you got hungry later.

There is a hardwood floor underneath this carpeting. Why would they do that?

Everybody, Oscar found a reason to look on WebMD.

What hand was I holding the gun in? What did Andy's tie look like? Navy blue, little red anchors. I have no way of knowing if that's true.

Could you turn the volume down on the beeping? Shut up, Oscar.

I hit three, I hit three instead. God!

Snowboarder, it figures. Do snowboarders hate animals? I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in the car.

Here, I'm going to get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.

Don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick.

Nein. Sitz! Gut.

Oh! Wow. Spoiler alert! It's been out for ages, man. Costume vetoed.

Why can't there just be two Kate Middletons?

Hey, Bert. / Hello. / Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane.

Dwight, are you eating a stick? / It's a root, idiot.

'You still had eight weeks more than we did' - someone's response to Pam's complaint

'You just had our baby. Our collective Dunder Mifflin family baby four days ago' - someone's overly possessive comment about Angela's baby

'Damn, girl! Your body! What?' followed by 'Angela, you look amazing'

'Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts'

'It's okay, Angela. I have mommy brain, too' followed by 'I don't know what that is, Pam'

'Oh, my gosh It's really good' followed by 'I'm watching my weight' - reaction to brownies

'Say, guys, you know what's an even more useful treat is cash' followed by immediate rejection

'Wow. It's like the Nation of Islam down here' - inappropriate comment about warehouse workers wearing beanies

'My baby is not a monster Hey, be proud of your enormous monster baby an enormous monster baby'

'It really has been a long, lonely winter Wow. Seasonal affective disorder, a.k.a. SAD. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby It is real. Thank you for saying that'

'Yeah, wow, it's almost like we're not all experiencing the same winter'

'Is that the buzzer from Taboo? Shut up, maggot It is.'

'I'm going to Florida And I'm not coming back'

I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep

Stanley! Wake up You've got to wake up The hotel's on fire! Stanley, wake up It's pretzel day

at the Alcohol Club

Okay, Twiggy, that's enough Get in the car

Whoa. Stanley, did you just come back from burning down a rival night club?

Oh! Who called it? Nothing but net

'Cause I feel like I'm gonna fall off. - Yes. Yes. - I'm not wearing the right shoes for this. - We went over this, okay? Your tiny fingers make the best knots.

What's lower than dirt? Loam, magma, mantle, outer core, inner core. - Yeah, thank you. - Loam. Bloody loam, I came from.

When I auditioned for the Spice Girls, I didn't even get a callback. Which Spice Girl? The black one. I never stood a chance.

When people see this presentation, they're gonna [Bleep] in their pants. - Okay. - Come on, man. Seriously disgusting.

Since the interesting thing happened till now, so much time has passed, it's like my life is buffering.

So you're a blogger, right? Yeah. Blogger. God, stay away. Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. I'm trying to be a good girl for once.

I haven't had so much fun since seeing... Zoo-ey Desh-channel at the Couch-arilla Music Festival.

How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now! No! No, no, no, no, no, we don't need to call the police.

Because I have neighborhood pride. 1-8-5-0-5. - 1-8-5-0-5. - Guys, guys. That's so vague. You gotta do the zip plus 4. 1-8-5-0-5... Dash 7-4-2-7!

I wasn't sure which one of you was Chuck! Yeah, no, it seems to be going great.

Andy got beat up by a fifth grade girl?

Hey, hey, hey, you guys, you must be lost. Listen. Excuse me, sir. Yeah, the fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. Tell your great grandson to bring his kid by.

The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here! We are closed! Come on.

That may have been my fault. What the hell, Toby?

Can I please leave? I have a rape flute.

Oh, Ryan, you're so smart. You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg and those Google guys all combined. - Hee hee hee. - You're so ignorant, you barely know what you're talking about.

What's a book? Oh, my God. You're so embarrassing.

You can do it, Ryan. And you know that I'm capable of this. - You're the only one who can do it, s-sweetie.

I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice? I think you guys might have the wrong office. That's him... The guy I hit.

What about the lady you hit with a pine cone? There. That chubby one. I just had a baby. - Yesterday?

Oh, my God, I think I see the imprint of a ring pop.

Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? Forget him! Yeah! Forget him! And you should forget your husband. Well...

It's a 12-year-old female bully. - I was a 12-year-old bully. - Great! I think Kelly should attack Toby.

Bus driving away while someone is still outside with 'Stop. Come back. Too late.'

That's what she said. What, am I overdoing it?

Those figures I gave you? They're false. No. I was mad at Kevin. We had a fight, and I acted vindictively. So you set him up. Yes. He's innocent.

A few years ago, when I was on the jury, the Scranton Strangler? Sure. I always thought he might have been set up, but I felt pressured to convict. Well, that's got to be tough. Tough? I put an innocent man on death row.

Quarter finals in an hour, hope you got some sleep, because I'm going to be haunting your nightmares tonight.

It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean.

Others seemed not to comprehend what a paper airplane is.

I didn't see you! You should have yelling 'crossing!'

We are now down to an elite eight. Well, seven, and Toby.