Work Bus

Andy:Check this out, everyone. I've compiled our greatest moments from this year.

Andy:Fail!

Andy:Fail!

Andy:Fail!

Oscar:A blooper reel? That's just a compilation of mistakes. It's not even a real genre.

Oscar:Plus, blooper reels went out of style in 1987. It's like you're trying to be funny using a VHS tape.

Pete:Hi, I'm Pete.

Clark:And I'm Clark.

Pete:We like to do this thing where we just... stand here.

Clark:Yeah, it's pretty weird.

Andy:So yeah, that's me falling off the dock. Pretty funny, right? We should submit this to America's Funniest Home Videos.

Jim:Andy, we need to talk about something serious.

Andy:What? What happened?

Pam:It's Ryan. He was in an accident last night.

Andy:What? Is he okay?

Dwight:He didn't make it.

Andy:Oh my God.

Oscar:Andy, this video editing is lazy. You just put a wipe transition between every single shot.

Andy:It's called a signature style, Oscar. Spielberg uses wipes.

Oscar:Spielberg does not use wipes.

Andy:Well, he should.

Jim:I'm gonna do something huge for Pam. I'm thinking I'll rappel down the side of the building, crash through her office window, grab her hand, and we'll swing across to the next building on a rope while doves are released and a string quartet plays our song.

Andy:Toby, I'm giving you one minute to speak.

Toby:Well, I appreciate the opportunity, but I think what's important to understand is that the dynamics of workplace communication are complex, and often what we perceive as a problem is really just a symptom of deeper organizational issues that require careful consideration and multiple perspectives to fully address.

Andy:Your minute is up.

Toby:I'm trying to adopt a baby.

Andy:A human baby?

Toby:I can write my own reference letter if that would help.

Andy:No, no, no. That's a trap. That's an elaborate trap.

Andy:If I say yes, then I'm complicit. If I say no, I'm insulting you.

Andy:It's a catch-22.

Andy:Okay, I'll read it. 'Dear Andy, I know you're busy, but I wanted to reach out.' Blah blah blah... 'I hope you'll consider my perspective on workplace dynamics.' Oh my God. 'Sincerely, Toby.' That's it? That's the whole letter? This guy is evil. He's the worst. How is he allowed to work here? He should be in jail. He's a menace to society.

Meredith:I had a hysterectomy.

Dwight:We have to shut down for a week.

Stanley:A week?! That's fantastic!

Jim:Look, I found evidence of paranormal activity. One popcorn kernel.

Dwight:EMF radiation? That's just electromagnetic fields. Comic book logic says if you're exposed to enough radiation, you gain superpowers. I'm not worried—I'm prepared.

Dwight:Electromagnetic fields? That's ridiculous. Side effects my ass. This is all made up by big pharma to scare people into buying their products. EMF this, EMF that - it's just a bunch of hocus pocus if you ask me.

Dwight:EMF radiation has no adverse health effects. It's a myth perpetuated by the liberal media.

Jim:Dwight, what about fertility? Studies show prolonged exposure can affect sperm count.

Dwight:That's... I... False. Completely false.

Dwight:Although, perhaps I should move my desk away from the router. Just to be safe.

Jim:I planted one kernel as fake evidence.

Jim:The EMF field actually worked, popping more corn.

Narrator:Welcome to Dunder Mifflin. We're more than just a paper company. We're a family. A family that works together, lives together, and occasionally gets downsized together.

Narrator:Our synergistic approach to vertical integration means you'll be giving 110% every single day. Sometimes 120%. On Fridays, we ask for 130%.

Narrator:We believe in work-life balance. That's why we've eliminated life. Now it's just work.

Narrator:Join us at Dunder Mifflin, where your dreams come to die—I mean, thrive.

Kevin:I'm stuck! I'm stuck! Help me!

Jim:We know.

Andy:Wait, you were adopted?

Toby:Yes. And it's like a football metaphor, actually. My parents... they drafted me in the first round, but then they realized they'd made a mistake. So they traded me to another family in the second quarter.

Andy:That's... that's not how football works, and that's incredibly sad.

Andy:I need to stand up for a second, my circulation is really bad.

Phyllis:If you get up one more time, I will kill you.

Pam:Oh my God, I'm completely soaked!

Jim:Yeah, that guy with the umbrella really got you good.

Pam:This is so embarrassing.

Jim:Hey, at least you're not sitting next to Stanley right now.

Pam:Jim, that's not helping.

Jim:Look, I don't see how this is my fault. Dwight clearly wasn't paying attention to what was in his desk.

Jim:And even if he was, he should've expected it. I've been pranking him for years. He knows the risks.

Jim:Plus, if you think about it, I'm actually helping him build character. Adversity makes you stronger.

Andy:Okay, okay, okay. You know what? Fine. I'll do it. But I'm warning you, I'm going to characterize each and every one of you, and it's going to be devastating.

Andy:Dwight, you're a fascist. Jim, you're a yes-man. Pam, you're a... you're a... you're basic. Ryan, you're a temp with delusions of grandeur. Erin, you're aggressively cheerful in a way that's deeply unsettling.

Andy:And Kevin, buddy, you're not even trying anymore.

Michael Scott:Okay, okay, I'm getting off the bus. I just need to use the bathroom real quick.

Bus Driver:Alright, make it fast.

Michael Scott:I will, I will.

Bus Driver:Two minutes.

Michael Scott:Yep, yep, yep.

Pam:Shabooya roll call!

Pam:Wait, you think you're slick? You think you're funny? I've been holding back for years. Shabooya... GET OUT OF MY FACE!

Kevin:I'm thinking of a new invention. It's like a chair, but it's also a boat.

Kevin:You sit in it on land, and then when you go to the water, it becomes a boat.

Kevin:I call it a... chairboat.

Kevin:I can calculate pie math instantly.

Kevin:But I fail completely with salad math.

Dwight:Fine! You win, Jim. I surrender. You have bested me in every way.

Jim:Thanks, man. I appreciate that.

Dwight:I'm done. I'm leaving.

Dwight:You all have no idea what it takes to be a leader. I'm out of here.

Jim:Why are you being such a jerk?

Dwight:I'm not being a jerk. My seed is weak.

Dwight:I've been doing some research, and I believe the problem is my building. It's made of asbestos, lead paint, and something called 'sick building syndrome.' I'm essentially living in a toxic wasteland. My sperm probably have mutations. They're probably growing extra limbs, developing consciousness, filing for independence.

Dwight:Jim, I know what you did. You convinced me that I was infertile.

Jim:What? No, I didn't—

Dwight:Yes, you did. With your electromagnetic field radiation nonsense.

Jim:Dwight, that was... okay, yeah, we did that.

Dwight:I have to say, Jim, I'm impressed. That was thorough. You really committed to it.

Andy:"Dear Hiring Manager, Toby Flenderson is a wonderful man. There is no one in this world I would trust more with children. He has the heart of a saint and the patience of Job. I would gladly leave my own children in his care. Sincerely, Andy Bernard." Wait, that's not what I wrote. I wrote, "Toby is a little idiot man and he smells like a boiled ham."

Jim:Hey man, I'm sorry about the fertility thing. That's rough.

Dwight:Yeah, well, we're working through it.

Jim:Yeah, I get it. If you need to talk about anything, I'm here for you.

Dwight:I appreciate that.

Jim:So like, how often are you guys... you know?

Dwight:That's... that's personal, Jim.

Jim:Right, right. But like, are we talking once a week? Twice a week?

Dwight:Jim—

Jim:And when you do, how long does it usually last? Because I read that timing can really affect—

Dwight:Okay, we're done here.

Dwight:British women are very emotional.

Jim:They're looking at a completely different crying woman.

Dwight:It's called 'Kindchenschänder.' It's a German word for a man who... who abuses his own children.

Andy:I'll sign it with a few changes. Your accent is great—really helps people understand you're not from here.

Kevin:Come on, Oscar, just hit me with the pie!

Oscar:Why would I do that?

Kevin:Because you're a coward! A big dummy! Your mom's a... a... a big dummy too!

Oscar:Kevin, that doesn't even make sense.

Kevin:Oh, real mature, Oscar. Real mature. I bet you like things that are stupid!

Andy:I'm Andy Bernard, and I play the banjo. I also enjoy a little bluegrass on the weekends.