When Grandpa's new girlfriend at the Springfield Retirement Castle dies, he inherits her savings and must decide the best way to spend his windfall.
Grampa's inheritance unleashes 65 jokes in 22 minutes—Season 2's densest episode yet.
Directed by David Silverman · Written by Jay Kogen, Wallace Wolodarsky
WAR
55.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Old Money” ranks #54 of 226 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.5 — Elite. The episode packs 65 scored jokes at 4.1 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Grampa landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Ownership is divided-- What are you doing? I dread the day when $100,000 isn't worth groveling for.
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch and two of the bluest eyes I've ever seen in my life
Bea Misdirection Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch My wife'll be happy. She's hated this death ray from day one.
For the first time, I'm glad I had children.
Grampa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy All Jokes — 65 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Oh, what could be more fun than today's trip to the liquor store?
Grampa smells like that trunk with the wet bottom
Bart Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch He smells like a photo lab
Grampa smells like an old man, which is like a hospital hallway
Bart Observational Escalation My God, you're right!
Homer Reaction Beat Character Comedy Well....
Bart Lisa Awkward Silence Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Series of rejected activity suggestions
Like I'm gonna ruin $600 teeth on 40 cents' worth of beef
Marge Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch It's Simpson, and these aren't my pills
Grampa Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Excuse me. My name is Simmons. I have the wrong pills
Bea Irony/Sarcasm Escalation ★ Rewatch and two of the bluest eyes I've ever seen in my life
Bea Misdirection Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Look at us. We're staring like a couple of stupid punk teenagers
Grampa Observational Character Comedy Oh, I wasn't staring, it's, uh, my lazy eye
Bea Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Care to tip the wrist with me?
Grampa Character Comedy Observational Widower, one son, one working kidney
Grampa Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Widowed, bad hip, liver disorder. You left something out: Ravishing!
Bea Escalation Misdirection ★ Rewatch You'd think this would get easier!
Grampa Observational Character Comedy Never fly solo again
Grampa Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Oh, hello, young lady. Is your grandmother home?
Grampa Misdirection Character Comedy I'd better keep my good eye on you. Damn straight.
Bea Grampa Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback The battleship New Jersey. You idiot! My girlfriend, Bea.
Nothing says 'I love you' better than a military antique
Herman Absurdist Character Comedy Not the famous one. He wore it for a week in 1796. Before he beat the Sardinians.
Herman Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch $400. I'll give you $5. Not an offer you should make to a man with a gun.
She can come with us. There's room for all your friends.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm She's not invisible, you idiot!
Grampa Reaction Beat Character Comedy Damn these childproof doors!
Grampa Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Are we in Africa yet?
Bart Character Comedy Observational Let 'em sleep on their own time!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch What a wingding. This is much better than my girlfriend's party.
Grampa Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy I got a date with an angel. You don't know how right you are.
They may say she died of a burst ventricle, but I know she died of a broken heart.
Grampa Character Comedy Escalation Is someone talking? I didn't hear anything. Oh, no! Dad's lost his hearing! No, you idiot! I'm ignoring you!
There is one catch. You must spend one night in a haunted house. Just kidding.
Here's a pen with my phone number on it. It looks like a cigar. Isn't that neat?
I just had to tell you that you're not getting one thin dime!
Grampa Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch There are rubdowns, and then there are rubdowns.
Take me someplace fun! You're the boss. Next stop, Funsville.
I'm haunting a family in Texas.
Ghost Bea Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Make other people as happy as you made me.
Oh, I miss him too, the big fat dickens.
Hey, Bea, I've got to ask you, what was death like? Not as scary as this!
Choose your corncob. En garde! Challenge accepted!
All my precious sacks of gold couldn't buy me the joys of a family meal.
Grampa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Give it to us. Bart! Forgive him. He's just a stupid little kid who says the first thing in his head. You know, he is wise.
Not since my marriage to the weather lady has this town been so consumed with rumor and innuendo.
Here's a rendering. Note the cobra wrapped around the naked chick.
Otto Character Comedy Absurdist Ownership is divided-- What are you doing? I dread the day when $100,000 isn't worth groveling for.
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch It's pretty stupid, but so far you're the front-runner.
Barney Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I need the money to buy a baby to raise in the box. To prove what? The subject should be maladjusted and harbor resentment towards me.
And I want that baseball card where the guy's flipping the bird.
Bart Character Comedy Observational With funding, this baby could destroy an area the size of New York. I wanna help people, not kill them! Oh. The ray only has evil applications.
My wife'll be happy. She's hated this death ray from day one.
But you can buy me a pony. You're right! I'll name her Princess.
Poor baby, been lifting your wallet?
Hey, mellow out, old dudes, or I'll jam this baby into a river!
Hello, I'm Plato. Please partake of keno, craps and the town's loosest slots. My philosophy is: Enjoy!
Have you seen an old man? He looks like me only wrinkled.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer, I think Rudyard Kipling said it best. 'If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn...' You'll be a bonehead!
Put it all on 41. I've got a feeling. The wheel only goes to 36. Put it all on 36.
Put it all on 41. / I've got a feeling. / The wheel only goes to 36. / Put it all on 36. I've got a feeling.
For the first time, I'm glad I had children.
Grampa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Come on in. Dignity's on me, friends.
Grampa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Top Episodes — The Simpsons