Homer The Heretic

Ah, another beautiful day in the womb.

I'm all naked and wet!

Oh, stupid, itchy church pants. One size fits all, my butt!

'Resting' hungover, 'resting' got fired? Help me out here.

Ahhh, I'm just a big, toasty cinnamon bun. I never wanna leave this bed.

I'm whizzin' with the door open, and I love it.

You bet your sweet... ass!

The perfect chance to make my patented, space-age... out-of-this-world moon waffles.

Oooh, waffle runoff.

Mmm, fattening.

Ahhh, I'm there.

The door's frozen shut, and it's the only way out!

Homer gasps and immediately knows the radio trivia answer

This Things I Believe

Miracles are your department, Reverend.

Card table for sale. Top badly damaged. Leg missing. Otherwise fine. One dollar or best offer.

Moe is their leader.

Come on, TV. Give me some of that sweet, sweet pap.

Yes!

Give it a little more gas. [Pedal Banging] No, no, that's too much. You know what I think would help? What? What would help? Nothing.

I found... a penny! Could this be the best day of my life?

Like fun I don't. Marge, I'm never going to church again!

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, yes.

I mean, isn't God everywhere? Amen, brother.

And what if we pick the wrong religion? Every week we're just making God madder and madder. Testify!

Thou has forsaken my church! Well, kind of, but-- But what?

You know, sometimes... even I'd rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team? No, they moved to Phoenix.

Hmm, you've got a point there.

You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons. Oh, I couldn't agree more. That Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico.

Dad, can I ask you a question? / Sure, honey. / Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy?

Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed.

He appeared before me in a dream... and I knew that was special because I usually dream about naked... Marge.

Perfect teeth, nice smell, a class act all the way.

'And he left them and went out of the city into Bethany and he lodged there'? Yeah. Think about it.

The, uh, Feast of Maximum Occupancy.

Sorry, Homer. I was born a snake handler, and I'll die a snake handler.

Kids, let me tell you about another so-called 'wicked' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas... and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was-- I forget. But the point is-- I forget that too.

He used to drive that blue car.

There you go again. Always taking someone else's side-- Flanders, the water department, God.

Our unabashed dictionary defines I.U.D. as... 'love springs internal.' I don't get it.

Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention in Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere. It was terrible.

Wait a minute. Is this a religious thing? / A religious clown thing, yes. / Sorry.

No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions... you must've been out taking a whiz.

Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

D'oh! The song, the song. [Singing] D'oh!

Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands. How I have waited for this day. [Shotgun cocking]

You ducks are really trying my patience! But you're so cute.

Help! Help! [Laughing] That's right, old friend.

Hey, what are these axes for? I don't know. Chopping stuff. Gotcha.

Well, the Picasso, my collection of classic cars-- Sorry. This policy only covers actual losses, not made-up stuff.

You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here. Yes, the lesson is-- No, don't tell me. I'll get it.

O Spiteful One, show me who to smite, and they shall be 'smoten.'

Hindu. There are 700 million of us. Aw, that's super.

Don't feel bad, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.

You can't wait six months?

Well, okay. The meaning of life is--

The meaning of life is-- [Cut to credits]