S07E13

Someone has stolen my guitar

If we don't get that guitar back, the peace in Iraq will be canceled

I'm drowning in the adult end of the pool, and the lifeguard's off in the bathroom pooping

That instrument is worth literally $900 million

A one-way ticket to the Funky Monkey Dunk Tank!

It's the capital of the entire world

It's this crazy statue of this giant monster sitting on a chair that represents all of America's enemies

April's reaction to the missing tarantula

I took it out to play hide and seek. I couldn't find it.

April's Animal Corner has turned into one of our favorite segments

Here's a disclaimer. I didn't read this disclaimer.

Known locally to Venezuelans as 'The Devil's Fist'

My contract is very specific. I do not have to answer that question.

The wood does not taste like cherry. You cannot eat it.

Always remember, kids, when you find something new, you must lick it before you eat it.

That is incorrect, in a number of ways.

You are mistaken. Remove the graphic.

Boring Buzzer sound effect

Not the fastest. What about teleporting?

Nothing is impossible, kids.

You asked me to do this. This was a favor...

Never attack a real postal employee. We're allowed to attack Mailman Barry because he volunteered

I kind of thought I'd be holding a piece of wood or something. But, you know, always happy to help.

Literally, because normally I have a script that I have to stick to. But I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now.

It's kind of a nightmare.

Hire Very Good Building Company for your construction needs. Or do not. I am not a beggar.

'Phenomenon' means 'to explore a cave.'

I was super wasted.

Hopefully there's a pit in Washington D.C. that I could fall into.

Still do!

Oh, no, I lost it. The day planner's gone. I can't find it anywhere.

Fitting, really.

Andy, I am here in this weird, flat place

Well, technically, only the Queen can knight somebody, but I'm so rich that she lets me do what I want.

Winter is coming for Ser Ben Lightstorm.

Healthy food is for suckers. It tastes like garbage and if you say you like it, you're a chump and a liar.

We were basically playing covers of Dave Matthews songs. So I guess you could say Dave Matthews was doing what we were doing.

Truly was a mitzvah. I should mention, I'm a rabbi now.

I would've chugged that entire gallon of milk, had I not started puking out of nowhere.

My name is Burt Tyrannosaurus Macklin.

Just drain the ocean.

I'm a cop! I should get some handcuffs too!

He's not. I want to make it clear, he's not.

President Jimmy Carter stole my guitar?

Wait. You're Andy. Yeah. I'm Andy. From the information I got I just assumed you'd be like 10 years old.

You're going in the dunk tank, bud. I don't wanna go in the dunk tank.

Is anybody in charge? Uh, a little help?

Well, not here, here, because this studio actually has a show where divorced couples work out their problems, so that might be weird if that thing was hanging over them.

I once found a rock that looked exactly like Santa Claus. Hat and everything, so...

Like, even better than my all-time favorite host, Tom Snyder, which is crazy.

You're my Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.

Could somebody get me outta here? Please? I'll help you, John Cena. No.