Nice Lady

Will:I used to be intimidated by the British. I thought they were superior in taste, style, and breeding. Then I saw Benny Hill.

Geoffrey:Master Carlton. First of all, I like Benny Hill.

Will:Geoffrey, mon! Do the limbo with me.

Geoffrey:This is precisely what cannot happen when Lord Fowler arrives.

Will:I'll be at the peak of Schweppervescence.

Will · Vivian:Just around the corner. - Where around the corner? Nevada.

Will:Uncle Phil, mon! You are generous, fair-minded, and very sexy.

Phil:A mysterious dent, a broken taillight... a mural of Nia Peeples painted on the side.

Will:I swear to you guys that was on the car when I got in it.

Lord Fowler:It was a bit choppy and quite long. And of course, the food was horrid and the movie was a dreadful bore. I wouldn't want to make that journey too often.

Vivian:Philip, why are you talking like that? That ridiculous British accent. Whenever you're around an English person, you slip right into it.

Vivian:The first three months Geoffrey was here, I could barely understand you.

Phil:I have no idea what you're talking about. Sir, madam, care to join us for tea? Right-o.

Hilary:Spending all your time shopping, going to lunch with your friends... and just sitting around being waited on hand and foot. I wonder what that would be like.

Lady Penelope:One can only imagine.

Lady Penelope:Actually, I go to a small convent school and the nuns work us very hard. We scrub the floors, cook the meals and on the weekends, we do all the laundry.

Ashley:What a gyp.

Lord Fowler:We've made some fascinating strides in maritime legislation. I'll go into greater details at dinner.

Ashley · Carlton:Is tonight a school night? No. I already thought of that.

Will:Opera? I thought she said 'Oprah.'

Will:Spider-Man comics. Watchman. Goobers, Raisinets.

Will:Did you see what I did with my spitball straw?

Will:Mr. Belvesneer.

Will:How hard can it be? I'll take her to the opera, cop a few 'Z's'... bring her back home.

Geoffrey:if 895 members of the royal family instantly died... she would be the next queen of England.

Will:Now, where does that put me?

Vivian · Phil:Does this restaurant have a bar? If it doesn't, we'll build one.

Ashley · Carlton:I don't feel so good. Don't even try it, Ashley. We're all in this together.

Lady Penelope:I thought the old buzzard would never leave.

Lady Penelope:Sod off, mother superior.

Will:Don't nobody call me a mother nothing.

Will:Who are you, Dr. Jekyll and Patty Duke?

Lady Penelope:Don't be such a wanker.

Will · Lady Penelope:The Meat Hook? That's the roughest bar in L.A. Super. That's what Lady Cicely told me.

Will:See, I'm a plainclothes nun. Yeah, that's right. They call me Sister Sledge.

Will:Man, this babysitting thing is easy.

Will:Lady, come back with my car!

Will · Bouncer:Yo, man. Should I get the bouncer? I am the bouncer.

Will:I think I saw that guy on Unsolved Mysteries.

Lady Penelope:Loosen up, homes. Come on. Get up and dance. Shake your moneymaker.

Lady Penelope:You can't touch this!

Otis · Will:You're dancing with my woman. No. You got it all wrong. I'm not dancing with her. I'm trying to get her to go home with me. I'll bet you are.

Lord Fowler:which, in maritime law circles... has come to be known as 'The Year of the Trout.'

Background character:I saw that sweater first!

Geoffrey:Wasn't there quite a row in the House of Lords in 1912... when they repealed the Tuna Laws?

Vivian:A lobotomy.

Will:G, the Lady is a tramp.

Will:I swear on a stack of TV Guides.

Will:I'm not going to get to see Ziggy.

Will:To the Batmobile.

Geoffrey:My cousin Roddy has just been suddenly struck with malaria. I must go to quarantine immediately.

Will:He could be hiding her in his fist.

Geoffrey:What have you done with Lady Penelope, you knuckle-dragging swine?

Will:Don't press him, G. You saw what he did to Tokyo.

Geoffrey:In my youth, I was quite a Greco-Roman wrestler.

Lord Fowler:You're ugly. And you, sir, are fat. Or was it the other way round?

Ashley · Vivian:Mommy. God bless you, sweetheart. What's the matter, baby? I can't sleep.

Phil · Ashley:You're not going anywhere, woman. Sorry, Mommy. I tried. Try again in 10 minutes.

Phil:God. If you don't know, I have no idea.

Geoffrey:You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. It's best I bear the brunt of the punishment.

Will:You got a point there. Good luck.

Lord Fowler:Damn malaria.

Lord Fowler:Geoffrey, it's not more gambling debts, is it? I thought we had that productive chat.

Penelope:But around the third act, Will was starting to fade... so I told the poor dear to go on home.

Phil:That's the mark of a great storyteller. Always leave them wanting more.

Lord Fowler:Next time I'm in town, we'll have to go to the ballet.

Phil:Since that explanation that Lady Penelope rattled off... was obviously a complete crock, what really did happen tonight?

Phil:Since that explanation that Lady Penelope rattled off... was obviously a complete crock, what really did happen tonight?

Will:You should sit down. It's going to be a long story, Uncle Phil.

Phil:No. Never mind. Enjoy the concert.