Mistaken Identity

Carlton · Philip · Vivian:Why can't Geoffrey baby-sit her? Because we're giving him the weekend off. You mean I'm going to have to get my own breakfast, too?

Carlton · Philip:Am I being punished for something? I was just asking myself that same question.

Ashley:But, Dad, I'm only nine. Can't Hilary take care of herself?

Hilary:Well, I'm in a bad mood, and somebody is going to suffer.

Will:Yo, Palm Springs, the home of the dental floss bikini.

Philip · Will:You're not going. You better tell that to my mojo because his bags is packed.

Geoffrey:Right away, sir. I shall tend to my hernia a bit later.

Will · Philip:Did you see that movie House Party? No. Did you see The Terminator?

Will:Yo, G. Did you leave a vacuum cleaner on? I just heard a loud sucking noise.

Carlton:This is a Black thing, isn't it?

Will:Four: Get the stick out of your butt!

Carlton · Will:What do you say to an Oreo? I say, 'What's up, Carlton?'

Will:Look, thanks a lot, man. Now we got to go back and get my head! And I really liked that head.

Will · Carlton:Punch it, man. We're in a Benz. Are you crazy? I call this a lucky break. A policeman is our pal. We can ask him for directions.

Will:Fool, this is not The Love Connection.

Will · Carlton · Police Officer:He's going to tell us to get out of the car. You watch too much TV. Get out of the car.

Officer · Will · Carlton:Where are you from? LA. Not exactly... Next question, please.

Carlton:Actually we come from Bel-Air. In fact, we live two houses away from the Reagans. We have the same pool man.

Police Officer:Sure. And while you're at it... you might want to give Ron and Nancy a ring-a-ding-ding.

Mrs. Furth:Yale? Marvelous. I've got to go now. See you soon, dear.

Philip:It probably wasn't Yale or Carlton. It probably wasn't even the phone.

Ashley · Hilary:Hilary, you're sitting right next to the phone. I don't care. I'm your babysitter. I command you.

Hilary · Geoffrey:Let me know if it's for me. But, Miss Hilary, I'm off duty. And you're sitting right next to the phone. Yeah, but you're facing the phone.

Geoffrey:Lazy House.

Geoffrey:I'm tired of doing favors for you spoilt children. I'm off duty. I am not an animal.

Carlton:I have a 3.95 grade point average... which would have been 4.0, except I had to take a ceramics class... and my pot exploded in my kiln.

Will:Neither will I. The cops took my fake ID.

Will:Any time you see a White guy in jail, you know he did something bad.

Will:Word to Big Bird. We flicked eight Benzitos, 15 Jags, and a Maserati! But I didn't like the upholstery so I took it back, Jack!

Vivian:This is the biggest amateur operation I have seen since Mayberry R.F.D.

Vivian:Calm yourself, Barney Fife.

Police Officer:Open the cell, Jerry.

Philip:or I'll tie this place up with so much litigation... that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!

Will:Peace out, Bob.

Hilary:To reward her, we went to this café that's owned by John Cougar Mellencamp... Kim Basinger, and Doogie Howser's business manager.

Ashley:Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Let's go play! Come on, everybody, let's go play!

Hilary:Arrested? By who? The fashion police?

Will:We were breaking the slowness limit. Okay, I've never heard of that law before. But I did hear this other law. It's the 'if you see a Black guy driving anything but a burned-out Pinto... you better stop him because he stole it' law.

Will:We were breaking the slowness limit. Okay, I've never heard of that law before. But I did hear this other law. It's the 'if you see a Black guy driving anything but a burned-out Pinto... you better stop him because he stole it' law.

Will:No map is going to save you, and neither is your glee club... or your fancy Bel-Air address or who your daddy is. When you're driving in a nice car in a strange neighborhood... none of that matters. They only see one thing.

Philip:I asked myself that question the first time I was stopped. Good night, son.