How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Philip:Speaking of prisoners, let's talk about Will.

Philip:Switzerland. / Now that that's settled, I'll go fire up the Jacuzzi.

Philip:Would you consider Great Britain? / Well, a man can dream, can't he?

Geoffrey:Madam, I went to boarding school. And then I went to therapy.

Philip · Geoffrey:Who asked you? Get my lunch. / Right away, sir. / The man has a tapeworm.

Vivian:Does James Brown have a perm?

Philip:Oh, Lord, I don't know whether to dive under the table or do the running man.

Will:Uncle Phil, you look great, man. You look like you lost some... hair.

Philip:Looks like the whole Jackson family could live in those pants.

Philip:No wonder Willy Williams moved to LA.

Carlton:Will told everyone at the airport I was Bryant Gumbel.

Carlton:I thought I'd get my luggage faster. / No, five old ladies attacked me for being mean to Willard.

Hilary · Will:Daddy, I need $500. / Hil, you should really consider expanding your vocabulary a little.

Will:Come on, Hil, please, at least kiss him first.

Will:You're right, Uncle Phil, wrong area code. That would be Stacy.

Philip:When Jesse Jackson gets a job.

Philip:That's because she's your mother and she loves you. I'm your uncle. I just try not to hurt you.

Philip:And, who are you? Queen Latifah?

Will:That's because you only got one squaw and you all never go nowhere.

Vivian:And, Philip, how come we don't ever go nowhere?

Hilary · Will:The big, fat vein in Daddy's head is starting to throb. / it ain't really serious till his right eye start twitching.

Will:it ain't really serious till his right eye start twitching.

Whitey · Philip:And, you can call me Whitey. / I think not.

Will:I think this is our youngest daughter, Ashley. She just had a brain operation. Her head's a little swollen, hence the hat.

Philip · Vivian:Switzerland, Vivian. / Not far enough, Philip.

Vivian · Will:Will, you must change. / Carlton, you must grow.

Ashley:I never liked Will, anyway.

Geoffrey:How shall I put this? The food sucks.

Will:The pepper's moving.

Hilary:That is the last time I buy sushi out of the trunk of a car.

Will:I would, Aunt Viv, but I wouldn't want to make all your guests jealous.

Will:No, I'm gonna call you that... then you gonna call me the other thing, and we're gonna be here fighting.

Will:Guess a lot of your buddies wearing suits like this now, huh?

Philip:'Cause everyone knows Buckwheat never went to medical school.

Will:I don't really think that Stacy's your type, Uncle Phil.

Will:And what are you looking at, Whitey?

Will:No you won't, worm head.

Jazz:You dating Whoopi Goldberg?

Jazz:Dang, your toilet broke, too?

Jazz:Company with breasts. / They're lonely.

Jazz:Sorry, my brother... but those are the harsh realities of the cruel world in which we habitate. And now, booty awaits me.

Will:Dang, I thought I was having a bad hair day. You going bald, man. You about to look like my uncle in a minute.

Will:This is a black thing, right? You're going to pee on my foot.

Will:Guess the cat's got its tongue.

Geoffrey:I've looked everywhere. There isn't an ice cream sandwich left in this town.

Geoffrey:Quite right, sir. You threw him on the lawn. He rolled into the street.

Carlton:Looks like you really blew it this time, huh, big guy? / I just hope the Willster's still breathing.

Will:See how he be trying to play me, Fred?

Carlton:You forgot the part about Will getting arrested.

Carlton:Don't joke about that, Will.

Philip:When did you have a man in the Jacuzzi?

Hilary:That's between me, that man, and his video camera.

Will:but you don't think a 6'3", 250-pound black dude in a dashiki and an afro the size of West Philly is drawing attention to himself?

Philip:So, as long as you keep the hair... the clothes and the beeper... you're all grounded.

Will:All right, look y'all, this is a classic case of divide and conquer. Look, Malcolm warned us about this. Get him!