The Way We Were

Will:Earthquake!

Uncle Phil · Geoffrey · Will:Exceptional buns, Geoffrey. - Thank you, sir. Yes, I think he's been doing the StairMaster.

Will:Or 25 days ago, for that matter.

Hilary:I wish I could find a guy to lie to me like that.

Will:G, how's he supposed to remember what he had for dinner 25 years ago?

Uncle Phil:Well, we started out with some chicken pot pie... and some delicious coleslaw. And then there was some really, really great baked beans, with, what, molasses. And for dessert, we had a big huge chunk of chocolate devil's food cake.

Uncle Phil · Will:I'm guessing. If only that power could be used for good.

Uncle Phil · Vivian:Maybe I'll go upstairs to try to cheer up your mother. I'm so fat! On second thought, I'll call her from the car.

Carlton:Look, here's me at the beach. And here's me in my carriage. Look, and here's me at the park.

Ashley:I knew we should have gotten them those Ginsu knives.

Will:Well, that's right, y'all, and that's why I came out here... 'cause you people really need help.

Will:Carlton Banks is wearing an elegant, yet masculine cotton-silk combination... designed by Will St. LeCarlton.

Will:Say... is that Philip Banks or Blair Underwood?

Uncle Phil:I look like Little Richard, attorney at law.

Philip:A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop, a-lop-bam-boom.

Will:Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the star of Heidi Comes To Harlem.

Ashley:Mom, if you make me go to school like this... I'm going to write a book when I grow up.

Hilary:Welcome to the Briny Deep... where none of our prices are ever too steep. We've got fresh fish, you can look in our tank. To get to the bathroom, make a left at the plank. Follow me.

Hilary:Will Smith is the scum of the earth.

Hilary:Your Montrose vase... attracts dust like a magnet!

Jazz:Philip, I have $1,000 with your name on it. Do the family a favor, get Viv some cooking lessons.

Ashley · Jazz:Vroom, vroom? Very clever. I'll get you two. Vroom, vroom, vroom.

Geoffrey:I quit!

Will:How come they just couldn't give him some cereal?

Uncle Phil:And if you put me on the Bench, I'll take a real bite out of crime. Bite. Bite. Bite.

Hilary:Kill him? I want to know the name of his decorator.

Will · Vivian:Look, a Donna Karan suit, right in the middle of the kitchen floor. What color? You gotta come out to see that.

Will:I think it's time you came out of the closet.

Carlton · Will:Will, check out the talent. She's cool. She's hot. She's... your baby sister, man!

Will:Hey, I didn't know Mom was a ventriloquist. Look at that funny-looking little dummy on her knee.

Ashley:Ashley, that's Carlton.

Will:So, where shall we scatter the ashes?

Uncle Phil · Will:I was eating. That narrows it down.

Jazz:I'm guessing the bride won't be wearing white.

Hilary:I wouldn't draw you a cartoon.

Will:My family. Can't live with 'em, can't turn your back on 'em.

Carlton:Well, Bob, let's back it up for a moment and define this thing called friendship. You see, the ancient Mayans...

Jazz:I'm sorry, Bob, this is a bad time.

Will:You gotta act like you got this tic, right? Like the army did this experiment on you, right, that just went terribly wrong. You're like, back up! Back up! Mind your business, that's all. Mind your business.

Ashley · Carlton:I work all day trying to keep this house nice for you. I cook and clean and work my fingers to the bone. And this is the thanks I get? Well, I bust my hump at school all day... and you just sit around here watching soap operas and eating bonbons.

Ashley · Carlton:Wait a minute. We sound like an old married couple. So now I'm old.

Carlton:And I gave you the best years of my life.

Carlton · Ashley:No, you ate them all without offering me one. Can't have my toothpick, either. Did I ask you?

Ashley · Carlton · Ashley:What's the magic word? Now. Guess again.

Will:Come on, Uncle Phil, it didn't work on your wedding night... and it ain't going to work now.

Will:Everybody, duck. I think she's about to blow.

Jazz:It's just, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Uncle Phil:No, I don't. I take her for much more than that. For my lover... my life companion... my very best friend.

Uncle Phil · Vivian:Thanks, kids, but... Look, Vivian, there's something I have to tell you. I lost my wedding ring. You mean this one? You found it! Yeah, I took it to have it inscribed. See, look. 'To a hundred years more.'