Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes

D'oh!

Hey, Homer, can I borrow your underwear? / Nah.

This man has 104% body fat.

Hey, no eating in the tank. / Go to hell.

Oh, the usual-- stand in front of this. Open that. Pull down this. Bend over. Spread apart that. Turn your head that way. Cough.

A cabbagehead from sector 7-G.

Let me make one thing clear. I want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me, you're all vipers. You live on personal injury, on divorces. You live on pain and misery! But I'm rambling. Anybody want coffee?

Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart.

I hate you all so much! I'm sorry. It's my problem. I'll deal with it.

Oh, a cash settlement. I could have figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!

Yeah, I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse massage parlors. Then those Disney sleazeballs shut me down. I said, 'I'll change the logo-- put Mickey's pants on.' Some guys you just can't reason with.

You ever drive a Tempura hatchback?

I'm ruined!

Overblown, don't you think? What about New Coke? Hey! I invented that.

Well, I'm licked. / Me too.

I do this for Stainmaster carpets... proud sponsor of the living room Olympics.

What the hell are you..? Oh, my couch! The arms, the seat-- The dream is over.

We were sitting on the couch when we heard a creaking noise. We leapt off just in time to see it collapse. There, there. You're safe now, little sister.

That's right. I shot J.R.

Well, friend, you're going back where you came from-- the curb in front of Flanders's house.

Lady, you just gave me... the idea of a lifetime. How do I thank you? Don't hurt me. Consider it done.

Yeah, you going to be okay? Yeah. You know, my life just can't get any worse. That's right. There's no way my life could possibly get any worse.

D'oh!

Outstanding Achievement in the Field of... Excellence.

This is the biggest farce I ever saw. What about the Emmys? I stand corrected.

Webster's Dictionary defines excellence as 'the quality or condition of being excellent.'

Heavyweight championship. There's three of those. That couch was one of a kind.

All right! A peanut.

Then how come you're still a bum? All right. A man needs two things-- an idea and money to get it off the ground.

Wow! The Spinemelter 2000.

There's an empty spot inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends. I think this chair is the answer.

Now excuse me while I kiss the sky.

That's where you're wrong, friend. Today's our tithe day... and we've got ourselves a transient.

Dad, can I anoint the sores on his feet? I think it's Mom's turn, son. Oh, no fair.

They're singing again. Lousy neighbors. Wish I was deaf.

I'm sorry, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you. In my home, could you just kick me in the butt? I'll try, but I'm not making any promises.

I've been living in a cardboard box... sleeping on grates, eating out of Dumpsters. You? Can't complain.

This is one of our many light switches. It functions in both the on and off mode. On, off. On, off. He knows how to work a light switch. Oh, yeah, right.

I got the recipe from the Utility Grade Beef Council. They do good work.

Discarded pizza boxes... are an inexpensive source of cheese.

Dear Lisa, last night... I used a rat for a pillow thanks to your pop

1150 bones. That's all I got. Broke again, eh, Herb? Just like in real life. I guess you're just not much of a businessman.

We should get a machine gun. We could hunt game, spell out things... or ring in the new year.

'Paradise Regained, Martin Chuzzlewit... or Herman Melville's twin classics, Omoo and Typee.'

It's drinking the water! Take it easy, Homer. This is an example... This is the greatest invention in the world. You'll make a million dollars. No, that invention is out already.

Everything from 'change me' to 'turn off that damn Raffi record.'

Then give me... the drinking bird.

I want to suck your nose. / Hooga-booga, hooga-booga. / I'm scared.

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on it... when right now... rollers could be kneading my buttocks. Could you stop thinking about your ass? I try, but I can't.

Lavish attention on me... and entertain me.

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on it... when right now... rollers could be kneading my buttocks. Could you stop thinking about your ass? I try, but I can't.

I have soiled myself. How embarrassing.

I only want to eat candy. / Then that's all you'll get. / This leash demeans us both.

Can I get armor-piercing, cyanide-tipped bullets? It's in the Constitution.

I want what the dog's eating. / D'oh! / I'll get you... something nice.

Homer, I bought you the damn chair.