So Its Come To This A Simpsons Clip Show

Homer:I'm blind! The milk did it!

Marge:Homer, what happened?

Homer:Just kidding! I've been keeping milk by the furnace for six weeks to make it go bad faster. Worth it for the prank!

Bart:You're on, old man. Prank war!

Homer:Oh yeah? Well, you're a... a knucklehead doofus with the brain of a... a... shoe! A stupid shoe! And your face looks like a... like a butt that got into a fight with a mop! Yeah! And your mother's so dumb, she thinks... uh... that Toyotathon is a Japanese holiday! And you smell like old hot dog water mixed with broken dreams and desperation! You're a dingleberry on the butt of life, Bart Simpson! A walking, talking monument to why condoms exist!

Lisa:April Fools' Day actually has its origins in pagan rituals.

Homer:Well, bless the pagans.

Lisa Simpson:The pagans celebrated the new year with ancient rituals and sacred ceremonies.

Homer Simpson:Woo-hoo! Ritual!

Ned:Well howdy-diddly-doodly, neighbors! I've got a little gift here for you pagan-a-rooney folks.

Ned:It's some nice, fresh ram's blood. Perfect for all your satanic rituals and whatnot. Okily-dokily!

Ned:I do hope you enjoy it, you godless heathens. Bless your hearts.

Homer:Hmm, I need to find Bart's weakness... Ah! His weakness is that he's afraid of spiders!

Homer:Wait, what's MY weakness? Donuts! And beer! And donuts!

Homer:Okay, here's my plan. I'll use beer as bait to trap... wait, what am I trapping again?

Homer:It's like a mousetrap, but instead of cheese, the cheese is beer!

Homer:Whew, it wasn't shaken. As it were.

Kid:Free acne pads? Where?!

Bart:Psych! You fell for it, pimple face.

Apu:Ay dios mío!

Announcer:This message brought to you by the Department of Health. Alcohol is a poison that will destroy your liver, cause birth defects, and make you prone to violence.

Homer:Mmm... beer.

Chief Wiggum:An explosion? Oh, that's two blocks away. Not my problem.

Chief Wiggum:We've got a code red! Beer flowing from the chimney!

Chief Wiggum:Eddie, Lou, get the pretzels! This is a two-pretzel situation!

Doctor:I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your husband is dead.

Marge:Oh no!

Doctor:April Fools'! He's actually alive.

Marge:Oh, thank God!

Doctor:But he's going to need a new liver.

Marge:Oh no!

Bart:Eat my shorts!

Lisa:Oh yeah?

Marge:Kids, stop this right now!

Lisa:Take this!

Bart:Is that all you got?

Marge:I'm serious! Turn those machines off!

Bart:Maximum voltage!

Lisa:You're going down!

Homer:Woo-hoo!

Homer:D'oh!

Veterinarian:Well, I also do neutering and spaying if you're interested.

Homer:D'oh!

Veterinarian:For just twenty dollars, I can spay your husband.

Marge:What?!

Veterinarian:It's a simple procedure. He'll be back to normal in no time. Think of it as an investment in your future happiness.

Doctor Nick Riviera:Well, I've seen worse. You've got a few scratches, some bruising, and what appears to be a bear's paw print on your buttocks. I'd say you're lucky.

Homer Simpson:Lucky?! A bear attacked me!

Doctor Nick Riviera:Yes, but you're still alive. That's the important part. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very important appointment with a bottle of bourbon in my office. Bye!

Moe:Here ya go, Homer. A nice cold one.

Homer:No! Get that poison away from me! I'm a changed man!

Homer:What if I become a vegetable? I'd be the perfect man for the job.

Marge:Homer, what are you talking about?

Homer:Well, I already spend all day sitting around doing nothing. I call it work.

Dr. Hibbert:Homer, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand.

Homer:Chocolate... chocolate... chocolate...

Homer:Mmm... nuts...

Grampa:A coma? Why, I've been in a coma for the last ten years. You don't see me complaining. Back in my day, we didn't have fancy comas. We just fell asleep and hoped we'd wake up. One time I fell asleep for three weeks and—

Grampa:zzzzzzz

Grampa:Being in a coma is like watching television, except the people on TV are even more out of it than usual.

Mr. Burns:I demand a second opinion!

Dr. Nick:Hello, everybody!

Crowd:Hi, Dr. Nick!

Dr. Nick:Wel, no signs of life! Goodbye everybody!

Dr. Nick:I have an unorthodox solution. We'll shrink down, pilot a tiny ship, and travel inside your body like in Fantastic Voyage.

Homer:Wow! That sounds dangerous.

Dr. Nick:Oh, it is. We'll navigate through your bloodstream, avoid your immune system, and ultimately end up in your colon where we'll battle a sentient polyp.

Homer:My colon? Why there?

Dr. Nick:Because that's where all your problems originate, Homer. Now, who wants to go first?

Homer:Now son, when you shave, you're gonna cut yourself. It happens to all of us. Just slap a little toilet paper on it and you're good to go.

Bart:But Dad, doesn't it mean something's wrong?

Homer:Wrong? No boy, it means you're doing it right. That's how you know the razor's working.

Homer:We're going to Hawaii!

Marge:Homer, that's wonderful!

Homer:April Fools!

Marge:Oh, Homer.

Homer:It's still April Fools'!

Lisa:Dad, you've been in a coma for three months.

Doctor:You've lost some brain function.

Homer:D'oh! Why you little... Oh wait, I can't remember how to be mad. Woo-hoo!

Homer:Wait, why am I laughing?