Patty

Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. of all the men you could've married, I don't know why you picked one who's always so rude to us.

Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma. How was your trip? Fine. you both look well. Thank you. Yeah, well, Merry Christmas. It's Christmas?

Mm-hmm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear.

34 years old. Time enough to start over with a new man. Someone who eats with his mouth shut.

Do you know the Heimlich Maneuver? - No. - Good.

Patty, stop drooling. / Look who's talking.

You look different, Homer. Lose weight? You got a tan. I know what it is, a new tie.

Some people find your turkey a little dry. Now they'll have an option.

-So insincere. -How does she put up with him?

-Yikes! What is that? -It's the centerpiece. -It's taking up real estate. -Move it, toots!

-Hey, that got her going! -Bitchen!

-Couldn't we just use rouge for this? -Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.

That's what you get when you don't put out.

Hey, alley cats. Save it for the honeymoon!

Hey, tubs, I'm Patty!

Nothing more to tell, really. The Nile smells and the horseflies are huge.

Oh, that was the worst movie I've ever seen. Not as bad as the service at the revolving restaurant.

Thursday, I'm going food shopping. You can come if you like. Until then.

It's not that I don't love you. You love me! Yes. Yes, but--

It's kind of a Catch-22.

We decided we loved each other enough never to see each other again.

I said crazy house! Poorhouse. Crazy house! Poorhouse.

What do you know. He's wearing pants. I owe you lunch.

Ugly. / Ugly. Butch.

Maybe you should try it on Homer. He'll fail it.

Oh, my God. I don't know jack about my boy. I'm a bad father. You're also fat. I'm also fat!

If you're going for a beer, this is the last one. D'oh!

He'll probably trade her... for a beer and a nudie magazine.

If some snot-nosed little kid sent me to prison, the first thing out I'd find out where he lives and tear him a new belly-button.

My name's Patty. I'll be testing you. When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?

Well, you failed every segment... and misspelled ''bus'' on your application. Drag.

Marge, this is Andre. Hello. [Chuckles] I think you two would make a lovely couple. My husband is still alive! Oh. Thank God. I hope he pulls through. Not me. [Chuckles]

We're hugging us. What do we do? Just close your eyes and think of MacGyver.

Take a seat, bozo. And that eulogy better not show up on the bill.

Gladys lived alone, died alone. I guess you could say she was a role model for Selma and me.

Don't worry. We'll get that 'barking dog' record tomorrow. Patty, I want a baby.

You can fit your whole head in it. / Don't be scared, JubJub. It's Mama.

Patty and Selma tornado aftermath: 'I feel it all the way up my skirt' / 'Ditto'

Now, bring us extra chairs like a good 'blubber'-in-law. Time to fertilize the lawn. A couple of 500-pound bags should do it!

You're gonna help us clean and organize them. And pry out all the dead hermit crabs. Get a screwdriver.

How come no Chippendales dancers ever come in to renew their licenses? They carpool. That's the problem.

No. What I said was he sleeps with the fishes. You see- Uh, Tony, please! No. I just ate a whole plate of 'dingamagoo.'

This needs more eye of newt. You always want more eye of newt. If it were up to you, the brew would be nothing but newt eyes.

Looking for a good time, sailor? I certainly am. No, you're not! He's really not.

$300 for doing nothing? I feel like such a crook. Don't worry. Gets easier every week.

In your face, Patty and Selma! - Well, we still love you, Ciggy.