Black Widower

D'oh!

Would you turn off that rock 'n' rock music?

Don't have a stegosaurus, man.

These talking dinosaurs are more real than most real families on TV.

It's like they saw our lives and put it up on screen.

Cool, he can teach us how to kill a man with a lunch tray.

Then why aren't you using the good silverware? - I'm just not.

Aah! It's Sideshow Bob!

Bart is the shamus in short pants who sent me to prison.

If some snot-nosed little kid sent me to prison, the first thing out I'd find out where he lives and tear him a new belly-button.

You're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha. - I am not. - Yes, you are.

When prison ended that dream, I became a seething cauldron of rage and recrimination.

This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!

Just don't drop it in the shower.

Do you know what prison is like for a life-long Republican?

Who used my chap stick? - Oh, I did. Here you go. - I don't want it.

But what kind of guest would I have been?

No Emmys, no Oscars, not even a Golden Globe.

I share an apartment with my twin sister. Enclosed is a photo of us on a tandem bike. I forget which one I am.

your latest letter set off a riot in the maximum-security wing of my heart

Like the lone crocus that pokes through the prison yard, our love bloomed despite all obstacles.

Cutter. Icepick. Snake. I'm going to miss you most of all.

You're living proof that our revolving-door prison system works.

You seized the wheel of my slow boat to hell, and pointed it towards the sunny shores of Selma.

Though kissing you is like kissing some divine ashtray, that's not what I had in mind.

Don't be a fool. That man is scum. - Then call me 'Mrs. Scum.'

'A'... 'G'... 'Q'... Seven... Close enough. May you drive safely and find true love.

You should see the bus they came to the studio in.

If they open the books on this telethon I'm right back in there.

It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but, brother, it ain't ketchup!

I bought stock in a Mace company just before society crumbled.

Holy frijoles! We've got ten minutes till MacGyver. Driver, here's a fin. Get me home, and don't spare the whip.

Don't thank me. Thank the moon's gravitational pull.

First of all, he's not a genius. He's an actor. And second, he's not much of an actor.

that was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me retch.

I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love.

Bart no like. Bad medicine.

Oh, gee, a joke, huh? Um... uh... funny. Okay, this guy walks into a bar and takes out a tiny piano and a 12-inch pianist-- Oh, no, wait. I can't tell that one.

41 years ago, God took 168 pounds of clay, and he made me a woman, and for this, I thank him.

Lighten up, son. If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number-one cop in town? Now, where did I put my gun? Oh, yeah. I set it down when I got some cake.

Enjoy your rest. The wedding was very tough on you, and the honeymoon is going to be... murder.

I wanted a room with a fireplace, you brainless luggage monkey!

Ah, fire-- Scourge of Prometheus, toaster of marshmallows, eradicator of deadwood.

Even murder has its ugly side.

Soon I will kill you. - Huh? - Son pieds sentit beau-- French for 'her foot smells lovely.'

Voy a matar a usted. - Wha? - That's Spanish for 'I am going to kill you.' - Say what?

Don't forget to die. - Ding-dong.

My best-laid plans have gang agley.

Her only hope was a plucky young boy and his slow-witted father.

After trying four times to explain it to Homer, I explained it to Mom and we were on our way!

Oh, I'll field that one. [EXPLOSION] Oh, right, the gas.