Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day

Dennis:Pills are for old men.

Dennis:If I wanted my blood pressure to be low, I would simply command my body to make it low.

Dennis:I'm chronically suffering fools who won't listen to me when I say that I can do things.

Dennis:Now I'll have proof I can smash in that stupid doctor's face.

Dennis:Well, we can't be below sea level. Otherwise, we'd be underwater.

Mac:You're telling me that you can't bring a pressure cooker onto a submarine? How do they feed the entire U.S. Navy?

Navy argument.

What kind of cuckoo shit is that?

Dennis:It's like a sick day but for your brain, and if somebody calls it, you have to give it to 'em, you can't ask any questions.

Mac:This could be a good way to find out whether or not we're, uh, underwater.

Dennis:That means stop. No!

Dennis:Wow. That's a lot of typing you're having to do there. You writing a novel?

Dennis:keys are sort of a system that have existed for millennia. I don't know why we're trying to fix that

Dennis:we got apps for everything, right? Even for things we already had things for.

Dennis:My good friend, Mr. Kratom.

Car AI:Rerouting to Teaspoon.

Dennis:covert diabetes delivery mechanism

Boba employee:The system won't let me do that.

Dennis:Self-care, right? Isn't that what people call it whenever they need an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want?

Dennis:Of course you don't. Of course you don't.

Dennis:One chewy sugar tea, please.

Dennis:I have cash, you have tea. Why don't we just streamline things?

Boba employee:There's no minimum on the app, though.

Dennis:we're both victims here, so...

Dennis:That is rough. Oh. Ugh! Aah! It's so sweet.

Dennis:Key not found? Th-There is no key. The key is my... phone.

Dennis:No, that French dip has been in the fridge for a month, dude. Do not eat it and do not call me!

We already ate it... It's been eaten.

Mac:I guarantee that the U.S. Navy is down on their submarine...

Dennis:I, uh... I can't because I don't have a key. Uh, well, technically there is no key. My phone is the key, and... I don't have a phone.

Dennis:Right. You don't care.

Dennis:Hi. Good afternoon. Fine, and you? Thanks for asking.

Dennis:Those aren't the phones? ... those aren't the phones, guys, so, you know, just so you know. Those are just boxes filled with phones that aren't the phones.

Dennis:Let's punish those people and give the phones that are right there to the new customers.

Dennis:the system isn't here for me to direct my frustrations at it

Charlie:diamonds are made under pressure. This is a pressure cooker. We're going to cook diamonds.

Mac:It's very linear.

Frank:In my day, if you wanted to get out of work, you... you hit yourself with a hammer or you got gnawed by a shark or something simple.

69-69

Dennis:Uh, let's try... 69-69.

Dennis:Why won't you talk to each other?! Talk! Talk! Talk! Talk!

Dennis:"D" as in "Deliver me from this!" "E" as in "Engage with human." "N" as in "nightmare"!

Dennis:My new phone won't talk to my car.

Dennis:Just you and me, Daisy, fighting the good fight against a broken system engineered to drive us both so crazy that we have to take days off for our mental health!

when he gets back from the beach house.

Dennis:I was supposed to go to the beach today.

Dr. Tsuma:You lowered your blood pressure by 20 points in less than a minute, but how?

Dennis:Well, just let off a little steam, all naturally.

Mac:are-are we above or below sea level?

Dennis:I'll be right in.