Eagleton

I know how much you enjoy paperwork, but don't hover.

♪ Birthday, birthday, birthday ♪ ♪ it's your birthday ♪

Nice bench. Is that new? / No, that's been there since the '90s.

Until a well-placed bribe to a gentleman at Baskin-Robbins revealed... Ron's birthday is on Friday.

All for a free scoop of rum raisin. Was it worth it, Ron? Was it?

Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

And that's coming from someone who has a Mercedes... With a Harman Kardon Logic 7 surround-sound system.

Three words... Lindsay Carlisle Shay.

and lost something else. What was it again? Oh, yeah. Her soul.

Our side is this scrappy piece of land where kids go to smash fluorescent light tubes. But it has a lot of heart.

That's what people always say when something sucks.

although on average, we are several inches shorter and 80 pounds heavier.

Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.

Why don't we build a fence around their fence? [...] so if they needed to get to their fence for maintenance and whatnot, their pants might get caught.

I'm just gonna suggest one more time that we burn it down. But whatever you guys think.

Okay, I-I'm just gonna suggest one more time that we burn it down. But whatever you guys think.

Also, what about your neon gangster fedora hats?

Hi, Dan. - Ben. - It's not important. It won't come up again.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, nursing... You must be so tired. It's sad.

Pawnee is and always will be a dirty, little nightmare from which you will never wake up.

What? I'm not asleep. I'm awake. I'm wide awake, and I got my eyes on you.

That's what I would've said if I had thought of it in the moment. What did I say instead?

They had a valet.

What, did you just come from the stables? - Yes. I was just at the stables.

There is no street parking at my house. My house is not even on a street.

These were for a sick child at the hospital. - Ah.

Oh, you can't, because you broke your arm climbing that fence. - Uh, I can wave with this arm. - No, you can't. Both your arms are broken.

Isn't she trying her hardest? So cute and so good.

She kidnapped me from work, and then she took me to that place, Senor Vega's [...] And then there was a bouncy castle. Did you know they made those for adults?

Did you guys get your public forum gift bag? There's an iPod touch in here.

Unless... That's exactly what she wants me to do.

And if you have any job openings, maybe you should let me know about 'em. [...] I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton, because I am!

You might have a fancy car and a mahogany purse, or whatever rich people have,

You might have a fancy car and a mahogany purse, or whatever rich people have

These waffles make great dog laxatives. [...] Don't you dare feed that waffle to that dog to get it to poop.

Sambuca need to make? There you go.

Did G.B. Shaw write that for you? - Did G.B. Shaw write your stupid fartface?

Can I offer you anything... herbal tea, Greek yogurt?

I love you like a father who's not that much older than me... like a young Uncle... or like, uh, you were my camp counselor

Leslie assigned me to the kidnap squad.

Ann, put these scones in your bra. Let's go.

That was just a list of ways to mess with you. - She do 'em all? - She did indeed.

Next year, your birthday party is gonna be a rager.

This, by the way, is a one-time-only situation. Next year, your birthday party is gonna be a rager.