Courting Disaster

Philip:Being a lawyer stinks, Geoffrey. No matter how good a job you do... your clients still compare you to Harry Hamlin.

Geoffrey:Yes. The resemblance is quite striking.

Will:Come on, baby. Get on the soul train.

DJ:That was Papa's Got a Brand New Bag... recorded 25 long years ago by James Brown... the Granddaddy of Soul. We'll be right back after this message from Geritol.

Vivian:Will, don't play inside. You might break something. Or something might break you.

Will:I'm sorry. You don't have a hoop outside. And Jazz is getting tired of standing on the second-floor balcony... holding a pool skimmer.

Jazz:Come on, Prince, man. I know a playground in my neighborhood. 'Course we can only play half-court. They use the other end to sell stolen appliances.

Vivian:Carlton's on the basketball team? How do they do? They try hard, but to tell you the truth, they haven't won a game so far.

Will · Jazz · Hilary:Aunt Viv, don't you think if we went down to watch them practice... Carlton would be a little embarrassed? - Let's go. - Let's go.

Will · Jazz:Man, these guys need help. Help? They need a telethon.

Carlton · Opponent · Coach:He threw that ball to me. I'm on the other team. I'm supposed to try and get it. - You don't have to be rude about it. - You two, make up right now.

Coach Smiley:Frankly, I think there's been way too much emphasis over the years... on putting the ball actually through the hoop.

Alumnus · Coach Smiley:Coach. What do you think the team's prospects are this year? For what? For winning.

Will:Mr. Thorvald, straight up, about that fire alarm: I don't know who pulled it.

Jazz · Headmaster:Jazz, man. Of course, Mr. Jazzman.

Jazz · Headmaster:Man, I ain't even in this school. I'm willing to look past that if you are.

Coach Smiley:All right. I'll give you my car.

Will:Your team doesn't need a playbook. They need a prayer book.

Will:Carlton, you got it wrong already. It's more like this. This is me. And this is you.

Will:This is my brain... and this is your brain. This is my handsome face. And this is your ugly little Frankenstein face.

Will:Here, Ashley, finally there's an adult in the room.

Geoffrey:You've met your match, Master William.

Philip · Will:How'd you like it if I went into your room and started throwing chalk around? I'd be devastated.

Vivian · Philip · Geoffrey:All right. You were a football god. Okay. Who knows, it might do him some good. Nothing like a little organized sport to straighten a guy out. Yes. It did wonders for Pete Rose.

Hilary:If I didn't show up to support him, what kind of cousin would I be? It'll be three hours well spent. Three hours?

Will:I'm going to Disneyland!

Coach Smiley:Don't make an assumption... because you will be an ass... and the ump will shun you.

Carlton · Coach Smiley:But I was late, and I have to run 10 laps. Twenty laps. Now, shut up.

Coach Smiley · Banks:Okay, Banks, not paying attention? Ten laps. Not paying attention? Look at Will. He's asleep. Mind your own business, Banks. That's 20 laps.

Banks:Not paying attention? Look at Will. He's asleep.

Isaiah Thomas · Will:How do you do it, Prince? Easy, Isaiah. Air Fresh gym shoes. Just pass it to Will.

Hilary:You were great. You didn't make any baskets or anything... but you looked cute in your uniform. I think it's great how you don't get it too sweaty. I guess it's 'cause you don't run too fast. Smart move.

Hilary:He did turn around to the guy behind him once and say: 'Shut up. That's my son you're talking about.'

Hilary:Besides, if that basket were two feet lower... you'd be just as good as he is.

Geoffrey · Vivian · Jazz:True, madam, but I have found that any game can be made interesting... if you put a little money on it. $50 says Bel-Air wins it. Who'd take that bet? You rang, beautiful?

Hilary · Jazz:Jazz, you bet against Will? Yeah. He screws up, I'm loaded.

Coach Smiley:I see a lot of new faces out here tonight... faces I didn't see when we were losing. People who did not support this team in its darkest hour. All I can say is, I don't blame you one bit. Half the time, I didn't want to be there. And quite frankly, I usually ducked out a little early.

Coach Smiley:Half the time, I didn't want to be there. And quite frankly, I usually ducked out a little early.

Coach Smiley · Hunt:Very funny. That'll be 10 laps, chowderhead. What's the right answer? Pass it to Will.

Jazz · Geoffrey:Thirty, forty, fifty! There. Thanks, man. Nice doing business with you.

Geoffrey · Jazz:Would you care to place a wager? I don't know anything about snooker. Don't worry. I'll tell you everything you need to know.

Will · Carlton:Excuse me, your name is Spalding? Dad gave it to me for my birthday three years ago. It's my ball. Give it.

Will:Boy, you're lucky that was just a starter's pistol.

Will:I been here for two months. I been getting yelled at at home... screamed at at school, I been sent to detention, grounded... threatened with expulsion on almost a daily basis. I finally do something I get credit for, and you can't take it.

Will:No, I came up with all that fly stuff myself.

Carlton:Did I mention I was elected editor of the yearbook?