Talking Turkey

Carlton:And then the village idiot interrupted the prayer... ruining the feast for one and all.

Will · Vivian:Boy, holiday traffic is starting already. People are in such a lousy mood. I learned five new words on the way home. - Did you know what they meant? - I think so. They were accompanied by very helpful hand gestures.

Vivian · Philip:We had to convince her to accept it. She never lets us spend a penny on her. Apparently, that's not a genetic trait.

Hilary · Philip:From the moment they're hatched to the moment they're shrink-wrapped... turkeys are raised to be food, and nothing but food. Hilary, I don't think too many of them had aspirations... to be doctors or lawyers.

Philip · Vivian:Vi's that way with everybody. Remember what she said about my beard? You misunderstood. She said it made me look like Bigfoot. Which is ridiculous, because nobody knows what Bigfoot really looks like.

Viola · Will:Look at my boy. You really have changed. Yeah, I'm handsome. No, you haven't changed.

Viola · Will · Philip:He's certainly not taking any food out of your mouth. Starting already. I don't believe it. That's a good one, Mama. I got to use that one. No, you don't make fun of your uncle. That's my job.

Vivian · Viola · Philip:How's everything at the post office? - They made me a supervisor. - That's wonderful. Honey, they make everybody at the post office a supervisor. You practically have to eat the mail not to get promoted.

Viola · Will · Philip:And looking less and less like your daddy every day. Ouch. Run for cover, Dad. Where's he going to hide at?

Viola · Geoffrey:You can take those bags yourself. That man is twice your age. Even though he doesn't look it.

Geoffrey:After you, Master William.

Vivian · Philip · Viola:He's been wonderful, hasn't he, Philip? Let's just say he takes after you, Vi.

Vivian · Philip:Vi, I was dusting the albums this morning and guess what I found. Certainly not dust.

Vivian · Viola:You taught me to dance to this, remember? I didn't teach you to dance like that.

Ashley · Carlton · Will:What dance is this? It's called the swim, Ashley. It was very popular in the 1940s. The 1960s, and it's not the swim.

Viola · Philip:Your daddy knows how to swim. Come on. Swim for her. Come on, Philip. Everybody out of the pool.

Philip · Vivian:The person that invented the elastic waistband... should get the Nobel Prize. - You know what I mean... - Don't start.

Will · Viola:Does she still make it? Honey, she passed on. - You're kidding. - Child, she was in her early 100s. You'd have never known by the way she used to swing that baseball bat at me.

Carlton:And not the worst way to pull my grade up to an 'A.'

Geoffrey · Will:You shouted, Master William? Yes, Geoffrey. Why don't you have a seat and have some of this delicious peach cobbler... while we clear the table.

Will · Viola · Philip:Your Highness, let us all clear the table. That's a good one. Honey, do I look like I'm telling a joke? Not to me.

Viola:Some guest. Honestly, I've never seen such a lazy bunch in my life... and I work at the post office.

Viola · Will:If you want to cut me some flowers, you go get them yourself. Okay, I'll cut you the most beautiful bouquet in the world... but its beauty will pale in comparison to yours. Don't even try that Prince Charming stuff.

Will:'Cause it's the size of a football field!

Will:Okay, but I ain't going to cut you no flowers.

Viola:And they'd rather take orders from a 17-year-old boy?

Viola:From what I see, all he's learning is how to be a rich kid.

Viola:All I know is the kids in this house are getting a free ride... a free ride in a fancy car.

Vivian · Philip:She said that our kids are spoiled. News flash.

Vivian · Philip:Really? Does this sound familiar? 'Daddy, I need $300.' You don't have to get personal.

Vivian:What do you mean, good luck?

Vivian · Geoffrey:Geoffrey, it's frozen solid. Really, madam? I thought it was just scared.

Vivian · Ashley · Hilary · Will:This is not a drill. It's a fire? My God, I'm going back for my new suede boots. Don't try to stop me. While you're up there, get my lucky drawers!

Hilary · Will:My God, I'm going back for my new suede boots. Don't try to stop me. While you're up there, get my lucky drawers!

Will:Excuse me? Didn't I just mow Central Park yesterday?

Carlton:This is not the time for one of your leftist experiments.

Hilary:It has a real New Year's resolution feel to it.

Vivian · Ashley:Since when do I have to ask you twice? Every time, Mommy.

Will · Vivian:I mean, she sees me so little... and I'm growing so fast. Don't even try that Prince Charming stuff.

Vivian:And so far, you've been getting a free ride, a free ride in a fancy car.

Hilary:Do you realize there's a bump forming back there?

Hilary:Why don't you just put a yoke around my neck and hitch me to a plow?

Will:I mean, you guys are getting a fancy ride, a fancy ride in a free car.

Mr. Fellows · Viola:We're reading Hamlet. But to make it more relevant to the kids... I'm teaching it to them in a rap version I wrote myself. Oh, Lord.

Mr. Fellows:To be in effect... or not to be in effect? Slamming, man, on the questioning tip.

Hilary:It seems that little Mr. Poppin' Fresh doesn't want to come out of his tube. Perhaps this will persuade him.

Ashley · Carlton:All done. Darn it!

Will · Carlton:Carlton, this isn't exactly brain surgery. When something is too dry, what do we do? Cream of mushroom soup.

Mr. Fellows · Hilary:Interesting. I've never had them before with this thick black crust. It's Cajun style.

Will:They're just burned on top. Once you get underneath it... they're totally charred.

Will:Yeah, you'd never know Ashley dropped it on the floor.

Mr. Fellows · Viola · Carlton:Will is gonna get an 'A' in my English class. Congratulations, baby. Do you have any news for my parents? Not really.

Will:No! You can have all of that.

Philip · Will:It's frozen inside. I'm sorry. I thawed it as much I could. What am I supposed to do, sit on it all day?

Will:I know, 'cause Bigfoot is growling.

Will:That's not true. Mr. Fellows is out there drinking his second cup of stuffing.

Viola:I don't know, I think living in California has made you sensitive.

Viola:I wouldn't be taking my time in here. Here you go.

Will:They think I'm a genius.

Will · Viola:I wish I could've seen you cooking it. Mom, you definitely would've been crying, straight up.