Papas Got A Brand New Excuse

Will · Carlton:Man, you ever feel like you was being watched? / All the time. When you look this good, you have to get used to it.

Will · Carlton:When you talk that stupid, you have to get used to this, man: [Will presumably hits Carlton]

Will · Carlton:See that dude over there? He been scoping me since he got here. I think he's a cop. / Turn yourself in, Will. It's the only way.

Will:You're right. You're right. [pause] Wait a minute, man. I ain't do nothing.

Carlton:Uncle Lou, it's me, Carlton. Did you bring me anything?

Carlton:I guess we all have a lot of catching up to do. Let's see, where do I begin? Well, when I was 6, we all moved from the hood... And here I am today. Excuse me.

Lou · Will:When did you get so tall? / Mostly during the '80s.

Carlton:Wow, 14 years. You must feel like you're on a roller coaster of emotions.

Carlton:Let me hold you. [presumably awkward hug]

Lou:Still a stone cold fox.

Will:I asked Geoffrey to tell you. I thought it might be more fun this way. And I was right.

Will:I stopped on the way home. I had a few drinks. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm fine, I'm fine.

Vivian:If I can stop him from coming home.

Hilary:Will's father is a deadbeat who left him and his mom flat.

Vivian:Oh, that was fun.

Philip:Why is there a truck parked in my...? What are you doing here?

Vivian:Who knows if we'd ever see you again? Come on.

Ashley · Will:You mean he's your... / Yeah, that's right. He's my Lou.

Ashley:Then why'd you run out on him?

Philip:Why didn't you send any back to the wife and child you abandoned?

Geoffrey:Shall I call 911?

Will:Please, you was up there screaming so loud... I thought I was sitting next to Patti LaBelle.

Vivian:Okay, fine. He's puffed up like a blowfish and bald as an egg.

Geoffrey:Were your ears burning, sir?

Will · Philip:Fourteen. / Excuse me, 14 years.

Geoffrey:The master lives a life of ease / While we live life upon our knees / Waste not your tears / And save your breath / For soon he'll die a violent death

Geoffrey:Works for me.

Hilary:Daddy, I had a little accident at the mall. I'm okay. But I totaled your MasterCard.

Hilary:He's like a genie on Valium. Make a wish, hurry.

Carlton · Philip:I hate you! / Oh, yeah? Well, take a number.

Geoffrey · Philip:Here comes Mr. Sunshine. / Shut up, Geoffrey.

Philip:And yet, it's come back with a vengeance.

Vivian:Somebody's being selfish all right, but it isn't Will.

Geoffrey:You're not gonna hit him, are you? Because I don't wanna miss that.

Geoffrey:You're not gonna hit him, are you? Because I don't wanna miss that.

Will:I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present.