The Butlers Son Did It

Will:See, now this is called the-severed-finger-in-a-box trick. See, you just slide your finger up in the bottom and then voilà.

Carlton:Ha, ha, ha. Ow!

Will:I don't know. I'll give it a try... but I've been trying to get G for years, he don't fall for nothing.

Frederick · Geoffrey:I'm looking for Geoffrey. - I'm Geoffrey. - Then you must be my father.

Will:Well, he fell for that.

Philip:Where'd you get that outstanding cashmere jacket?

Geoffrey:There's a church next door. If you sit through a sermon you can eat for free. Bye-bye. Ta-ta. Cheerio.

Philip:Barbara?

Geoffrey:It's a family name.

Nicky:How can Geoffrey be your dad if he was never married?

Will:Well, you see, Nicky, sometimes the stork's arms get real tired, right? He pretty much leave the baby wherever he at.

Philip:Well, Nicky, sometimes the stork's map gets all scrunched up.

Will:That's right, G. Stick to your story, man. At least till the blood test come out, man.

Will:Yo, he got the same interests as Miss July.

Geoffrey:That is, my room and half a shelf in the refrigerator.

Carlton:We'll stay up late, play Clue and try on each other's jackets. Heh, heh, heh.

Carlton:Do I?

Hilary:I am. This is fascinating. - What's it about? - Me.

Philip:Kind of a riches-to-riches story, huh?

Hilary · Philip:Who is this poor little homely child next to me? Uh, sweetheart, that was you.

Hilary · Philip:You mean, you lied to me? You told me I was pretty when I wasn't? - Well... - Thank you. You really do love me.

Philip:Geoffrey, I hate to break this to you, but you're about 10 years too late. Boys Frederick's age don't play with toys.

Frederick:Transformers. I've been looking for Razorbeast since, like, October.

Will:Bow before Razorbeast or I will crush you.

Geoffrey:I don't even know whether he would prefer a loose or a firm pleat.

Geoffrey:Then he doesn't have to know his dad throws like a girl.

Frederick:Have you noticed how Father holds that dish perfectly balanced in his right hand... with his fingers just barely steadying it? Superb, Father.

Will:England must be really boring.

Geoffrey:None taken, Miss Hilary. I always consider the source.

Geoffrey:Ah, to be a CAB grad and wear the school colors, black and white.

Frederick:No. CAB is very expensive. No, it's a dream that shall never be.

Nicky · Philip:I wanna be a butler too. No, you don't.

Jazz · Frederick:Man, the way this guy talk cracks me up. What y'all people call this? A clock. "A clock." Heh, heh, heh. I gotta remember that.

Jazz · Frederick:What y'all people call this? A clock. 'A clock.' Heh, heh, heh. I gotta remember that.

Will:All right. Excuse me one second, bro. I gotta go check my super secret stash.

Will:You ain't special. Fall in line, Brit boy.

Jazz:"The bathroom." Damn, I gotta learn how to speak that language.

Will · Frederick:Give me my money, man. I don't know what you're talking about.

Will:Oh, no. I'm about to beat you down. Let's go, boy. Come on. Come on.

Will · Frederick:Boy, let me tell you. You are so lucky that you Geoffrey's son. - I'm glad it finally comes in handy for something.

Frederick:Oh, please. Me be a butler, serving the likes of you?

Hilary:Oh, no. I haven't grown into my nose.

Frederick:You look like an ass.

Carlton:I'll have you know this is a bona fide British bowler and bumbershoot. I don't know which is which, but I paid good money for the set.

Carlton:I cannot believe you sweating this fool.

Will · Carlton:Carlton, did you hear what I said? You just can't get over the fact that there's a couple new guns in town.

Will:If you don't stop talking like that it's gonna be in your leg.

Frederick:Ow!

Carlton:Oh, who scraped the icing off your cupcake?

Carlton:Oh, who scraped the icing off your cupcake?

Carlton:I think he went to go get his suitcase repaired.

Carlton:Hey, my bowler's gone. That limey thief.

Will:What, were you just sitting around one day sipping tea and crumpets and just decided: 'Hey, I'm gonna fly halfway around the Earth... to go steal from the father that I don't even know'?

Will:Yeah, he'll pretty much kick you.

Will:No, no, I'm saying though, it's like you come home late, you know, to the crib... you don't want your parents to know, Geoffrey... will dime you out.

Will:All right? Because I'm about to practically annihilate you. All right? But I'm gonna get right to it. All right? Because this is gonna sting real, real bad. I ain't doing no pussy-footing around...

Geoffrey:Master William... hurt me already.

Will:Three out of four ain't bad.

Jazz:Will, I thought you said we was going out tonight? Here I come, y'all.