While working for Fat Tony, Bart gains enough influence with his boss to solve his problems with Principal Skinner--perhaps permanently.
Mob comedy grounds absurdist humor with 54 jokes in 22 minutes, anchored by Bart's noir deadpan.
Directed by Rich Moore · Written by John Swartzwelder
WAR
28.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Bart The Murderer” ranks #186 of 226 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.0 — Great. The episode packs 54 scored jokes at 3.2 per minute, averaging 6.6 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bart, um... is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family? No. For a large starving family is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread? Uh-uh. And what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes. I guess that's okay.
And how did you get past the hall monitors?
I'm Troy McClure. You probably remember me from such films as The Revenge of Abe Lincoln and The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West.
D'oh!
Homer Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I made a game of seeing how many times I could bounce the ball, and breaking that record.
All Jokes — 54 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ D'oh!
Homer Character Comedy ★ Rewatch You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that.
Bart Observational Meta/Self-Referential But I'm only five... 10, 20... 40 minutes? That's pretty damn late.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Bart Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Here's a whole box of unsealed envelopes for the P.T.A. You're making me lick envelopes?
Licking envelopes can be fun. Just make a game of it. What kind of game? Well, see how many you can lick in an hour. Then try to break that record. Sounds like a pretty crappy game.
I'm Troy McClure. You probably remember me from such films as The Revenge of Abe Lincoln and The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West.
In those days... instead of being wrapped in a hygienic package... chocolate was wrapped in a tobacco leaf. Instead of being pure chocolate like we have today it was mixed with shredded tobacco and they didn't eat it--they smoked it.
You didn't believe me when I said it would be fun, did you? No, thir.
Tan I doe now? What? 'Tan... I... doe... now?'
Aaaaah! Ugh!... Aah!... Unh!... Son of a b... Oof!. What next? Uh-oh.
Bart Physical/Slapstick Escalation Pick a horse, kid. Shelbyville Downs, third race. Make it good. Eat my shorts. Eat My Shorts.
Hey, wait a minute, you little punk! That's the fifth race. I said the third race. Don't have a cow. Don't Have a Cow in the third. Put a deuce on him.
It's Suffering Succotash by a neck... over Yabba-Dabba-Do, Ain't I a Stinker, and That's All Folks.
I like this kid. And we were gonna shoot him.
Fat Tony Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Su-perb.
Fat Tony Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement What does it pay? Thirty bucks a week. I make more than that.
It's funny because it's true. Well observed.
What's a truck? Don't play dumb with me.
Bart! Have you started smoking? No. Don't lie to me, boy. Uh-huh! Cigarettes. Just as I thought. My boss said his warehouse was full. Yeah, right.
I'm going to teach you a lesson. I'm going to stand here and watch you smoke every one of those cigarettes. Then maybe you'll learn.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy You look good with that cigarette--kind of sophisticated. Son, I'll never doubt you again.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm the driver has been instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city and I am the... Uh, what cures cancer?
Bart, um... is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family? No. For a large starving family is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread? Uh-uh. And what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes. I guess that's okay.
Give me three fingers of milk, Ma.
Bart Character Comedy Observational If my plant pollutes the water and poisons the town by your logic, that would make me a criminal.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Our cover's blown. Let's roll. See? It was all your imagination.
Read 'em and weep, boys. Another pair of sixes. Beats me. I was bluffing. You win again, Homer.
The only thing going on down there was male bonding. More stink lines, boys.
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy You didn't see nothing. Now, beat it.
Mobster Character Comedy Reaction Beat What have I done to deserve this flat, flavorless Manhattan?
Guest Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Callback The kiss of death. That's all I need.
Some large men to see you, sir. I don't have an appointment with any large men.
And how did you get past the hall monitors?
I thought I found him, but it was only a cat.
I see wedding bells for Vanna White and Teddy Kennedy. If we could just stick to Principal Skinner. Willie Nelson will astound his fans by swimming the English Channel. Really? Willie Nelson?
Hey! Look at me! I'm Skinner's body. That is not funny.
Hey! Look at me! I'm Skinner's body. / That is not funny. / I heard he's buried under his parking spot. / I heard he was ground into hamburger for lunch. / I heard Bart had him killed.
You're engaged in speculation. I know the law. You can't prove anything.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation You killed me, Bart! You k-k-killed me, B-Bart.
Reverend Lovejoy! You've come to comfort me? / Yes, Bart. There, there. / Kill my boy.
Lionel Hutz, attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... murder one! Wow. Even if I lose I'll be famous.
That Simpson boy is looking at 180 years. Thank God we live in a country so hysterical over crime that a child can be tried as an adult.
Then who is the kingpin, the capo di tutti capi? That's the guy. Hey! Forgive me, Don Bartholomew.
You've been his father for ten years. Do you really think he could be the leader of a murderous criminal syndicate? Well, not the leader... I mean... Oh, it's true, it's true! All the pieces fit.
I made a game of seeing how many times I could bounce the ball, and breaking that record.
Princess Opal? I'm afraid it's splitsville for Delta Burke and Major Dad. They seemed so happy.
Get bent. I deserve that.
I used to think your gang was cool... but now I learned that crime doesn't pay. / Yeah, you're right.
Blood on the Blackboard: The Bart Simpson Story starring Richard Chamberlain as Principal Skinner Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony Jane Seymour as the woman he loved and Neil Patrick Harris as Bart Simpson.
Where do you want it, Skinner? Not smart.
When do we get the check for this? They changed it just enough so they don't have to pay us. You know who the real crooks are-- those sleazy Hollywood producers.
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