Martin

Student reports Bart for vandalism while Bart is actively spray-painting

May I go outside and read under a tree?

-Call me Papa. -Some ketchup for your buns, Papa?

A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth has more chances than you.

I'm sorry, Bart. I don't know the rules of your sport. I didn't want to interfere with a ball in play.

They laugh at me? I'd always considered myself rather popular.

My speed with numbers, my years as a hall monitor... my prize-winning dioramas, they mean nothing to them?

No, this won't do at all. We have to clean up this room. And we'll need a fern. No room is complete without plant life.

Mischief varies inversely with proximity to the authority figure.

Mischief varies inversely with proximity to the authority figure.

Pushing a boy into the girls' lavatory was such a thrill! The screams, the humiliation, the fact that it wasn't me!

The old Martin no longer exists. Come on, fellows, to the arcade!

Asimov, Bester, Clarke-- / What about Bradbury? / I'm aware of his work.

Thanks for your vote. / Voting's for geeks! / You got that right.

I'd have thought an atomic bomb would kill him. -Now you know better.

-It smells like my grandpa. -Turn the page, Bart.

I'll take 1 to 3, Milhouse will have 4 to 6... and Bart will take 7 to 9. -Wait a minute, what about zero?

In the event of a zero... possession will be determined by Rock, Scissor, Paper.

We want it to last forever... so the last one alive can be buried with it.

-What do you mean, the last one alive? -I meant years from now!

-Tell him what we do with squealers. -It's worse than when you have to pee?

If you hadn't tied me up, I could be saving the comic.

I wanted Carl Yastrzemski with the big sideburns!

-What's your point? -Nothing. It just ticks me off.

Careful, boys. It took me months to steal that bumper.

Deploy, damn you! Deploy!

Save your palliative clichés for the next poor sap, Doctor.

That racer transformed me into the twisted creature... you see before you.

What did I just tell you? Kill spectators.

Systems analyst, systems analyst, systems analyst. Systems analyst.

God, shmod-- I want my monkey man.

No one has sat next to me since I successfully lobbied to have the school day extended by 20 minutes.

Listen, Bart, there's such a thing as spending too much time together.

Spare me your euphemisms. It's fat camp for Daddy's chubby little secret! You promised you wouldn't make a scene.

Hey, where's your diaper, baby? Thank goodness he's drawn attention away from my shirt.

It's 'photosynthesis'! Damn your feeble brain!

How much is your penny candy? - Surprisingly expensive.

I have nothing to offer you but my love. I specifically said 'no geeks.' But my mom says I'm cool.

Greetings, fellow geode-ologist.

What has four legs and ticks? - A walking clock? - A walking clock! I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box.

My raisin roundies!

Take your best shot. I'm wearing 17 layers.

I could've been equipment manager, but no!

Don't make me run! I'm full of chocolate!

I hardly ever let Mother fight for me anymore.

Spring forth, burly protector, and save me.

You leave that to the baron and me.

I am the Wondrous Wizard of Latin! I am a dervish of declension and a conjurer of conjugation... with a million hit points and maximum charisma!

We could go rent a carpet shampooer.

We're not going to a grammar rodeo. - That was just an alibi, Milton. - Martin.

We're not going to a grammar rodeo. That was just an alibi, Milton. Martin.

I must have spent our last $10 on this Al Gore doll. - You are hearing me talk.

This never would've happened if we'd gone to Macon, Georgia. I'm just sayin', is all.

The leatheroleum covers were worth the extra money! Oh! You can smell the benzene! Oh, when the kids see these layouts and fonts... you're going to be the most popular girl in school!

Mrs. Krabappel, I also have an announcement to make! / Can't it wait till I retire?

I want one and all to join me in celebrating the anniversary of my portentous birth!

Uh, yes. Let me just say this about that

Hey, Houdini! Why don't you saw Martin in half? Oh, I'm not the kind of magician who does tricks. I'm a mathemagician!

Now, prepare to marvel at the mysteries of the universe as I make this remainder disappear. But seven goes into 28 four times. Uh- This is a magic seven!

I told you we should've served cake instead of oysters!

More tea, Edna? What kind of little boy has a tea set? I think we both know the answer to that. A lucky boy!

you must promise not to fall in love with me. [Students laugh] Now Martin's scoring off me. Oh, that is it!

We all know this is Milhouse's fault.

The thing about huckleberries is... once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned. Uh- Uh- So anyway, I kicked the guy's ass.

All right, gang. Shirts and skins. Let's hustle. - [ Gunshot ] [ Tires Screeching ]