Summer Of 4 Ft 2

Homer:D'oh!

Milhouse:Sprinklers! Sprinklers! Sprinklers!

Bart:Milhouse, show some dignity.

Milhouse:But we're kids!

Bart:Exactly.

Teacher:Gentlemen, start your engines!

Students:SCREEEECH!

Bart:Eat my shorts!

Mrs. Krabappel:Class, I know someone let a frog loose in the science lab. Now, who was it?

Groundskeeper Willie:I'll find the wee bampot, Mrs. Krabappel. I've got my sources.

Mrs. Krabappel:Sources? Willie, how will you possibly know who did it?

Groundskeeper Willie:Och, I've got an informant right there in the classroom. That's how we catch all the troublemakers.

Mrs. Krabappel:An informant? Who?

Groundskeeper Willie:Martin Prince. The lad tells me everything that happens in this school.

Martin:Behold! The yearbook layout utilizes a fascinating sans-serif typeface with kerning that would make Gutenberg weep!

Martin:And look at the photographic paper stock — it's infused with trace amounts of mercury and lead! Marvelous!

Lisa:Martin, that's... actually really interesting.

Martin:It is, isn't it? Finally, someone who appreciates the finer points of carcinogenic materials and design principles!

Teacher:And that's how Abraham Lincoln was shot in the back of the head in Ford's Theatre.

Ralph:Is he gonna be okay?

Teacher:No, Ralph, he died.

Ralph:Oh.

Student:Who died and made you the yearbook queen?

Lisa:Well, technically, yearbook queen Sandra died in a car accident last year.

Lisa:I edited the yearbook.

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Student:Nerd!

Lisa:Will you sign my yearbook?

Student:No.

Lisa:How about you?

Student:No.

Second-grader:I'll sign it!

Lisa:Wow! Can I get your autograph too? And maybe a photo? You're so talented!

Becky:Dear Lisa, you are cool. Your friend, Becky. Wow, we really connected!

Principal Skinner:Would you sign my yearbook?

Student:Your yearbook? I thought it was for your daughter.

Principal Skinner:Well, okay, it's for me. I never got one when I was in school.

Lisa:I have a 4.2 GPA, I'm fluent in three languages, I've won numerous academic awards, and I understand the complex socioeconomic factors that shape modern society.

Lisa:So obviously, I'll be the most popular girl in school. I've scheduled my bathroom breaks for optimal social networking moments, and I've prepared a presentation on quantum mechanics to share at lunch.

Ned Flanders:Well, Homer, I'm afraid I'm in quite the pickle. Yes sir, I've really gotten myself into a fine kettle of fish, and now I'm in a real jam!

Ned Flanders:Well, the case was about a fender bender, but the plaintiff's lawyer argued it was a maritime offense because the defendant's car had hit a decorative boat in someone's yard.

Judge:That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Ned Flanders:Well, I voted guilty anyway. A boat's a boat, no matter how decorative it is!

Homer:A free beach house? Why would I want that?

Ned Flanders:And if you buy today, I'll throw in a free septic tank cleaning! That's right, Homer, I'll personally ensure your waste management needs are handled with the utmost care and Christian charity!

Homer Simpson:Free septic tank cleaning? Sold!

Homer:Ned, let me teach you something about compromise. You give a little, I take a lot.

Ned:But Homer, that's not what compromise means!

Homer:Well, it is now. Now, where's my free house, septic tank, and all the other stuff?

Homer:Hey there, Earth. Got anything for me?

Marge:Why don't you bring a friend to the beach, Lisa?

Lisa:I don't have any friends, Mom.

Marge:Well, bring... a acquaintance?

Lisa:No.

Marge:A classmate? A schoolmate? Someone you've made eye contact with? Your stuffed animals?

Lisa:I have no friends. I'm like Gore Vidal - no romantic prospects and everybody thinks I'm gay.

Marge:Just be yourself, Lisa.

Lisa:Mom, I've been myself for eight years and it hasn't worked. I think it's time to try being someone else.

Lisa:Why did I bring my microscope to the beach? Oh no... this is going to make me look like such a nerd.

Marge:Homer, this suitcase weighs a ton! What did you pack?

Homer:Just my usual stuff.

Marge:It must weigh 200 pounds!

Homer:Well, I've been eating a lot lately. All that chewing and swallowing is basically exercise.

Lisa:Goodbye, old identity. You've served me well, but it's time to move on to a new chapter of my life.

Homer:We're going to Squantum!

Marge:Squantum?

Homer:It's a real place. Population: 3,000. And they've got the world's largest ball of twine made entirely of fish.

Bart:Dad, what's a scrod?

Homer:I don't know, son. But it sounds like trouble.

Bart:Well, the basket says 'scrod.'

Homer:Oh, that. It's just a type of fish. Anyway, forget about it. We've got bigger problems. According to this magazine, Springfield has been voted the worst place to live in America.

Bart:The worst? What about the scrod?

Homer:Forget the scrod!

Homer:Dear Homer, welcome to my house. That's what I would say if I weren't such a nervous wreck around you. D'oh!

Homer:Huh? Why'd he write 'D'oh'?

Ned:Well, Homer, I wrote down exactly how you talk so you'd feel at home.

Homer:Aww, that's actually kind of thoughtful, Flanders.

Homer:Okay, let's see... 'Assembly required.' Well, that's pretty clear.

Homer:Oh wait, there's more. 'Some assembly required.' Okay, SOME assembly. That narrows it down.

Homer:Hmm, 'Ned, you were supposed to leave clearer instructions!' Well where are you now, Neddy? Huh?

Homer:That's what I thought. You're not here to defend yourself, you coward!

Marge:I don't have a swimsuit because in all the meshuggaas of packing, I forgot to pack a swimsuit.

Homer:I don't need a swimsuit. I'll just wear my underwear!

Homer:Hey there, beautiful!

Store Clerk:This one has little duckies on it and puffed sleeves. It'll make you look like you're five years old.

Lisa:I'm eight.

Store Clerk:Well, this suit will fix that.

Bart:Eat my shorts, you yearbook editor!

Bart:Cowabunga!

Bystander:He's diving into the ocean!

Bart:*crash*

Bystander:Wait... where's the water?

Lisa:A library! Oh, how I've missed the musty smell of knowledge...

Lisa:No, Lisa. You're cool now. Cool kids don't go to libraries.

Lisa:But the Dewey Decimal System is calling to me...

Lisa:Resist, Lisa. Think of Bart. Think of... popularity.

Librarian:Come to the library, Lisa. We have so much to offer — endless worlds of imagination, knowledge that will expand your mind beyond measure, the very essence of human enlightenment at your fingertips!

Librarian:Plus, we just got a new microfiche machine.

Lisa:No, Lisa, no. You'll read just one page...

Lisa:...and then you'll be up all night, wide awake, expanding your mind.

Cool Kid 1:Like, yo, that's totally tubular, dude.

Cool Kid 2:Fer sure, fer sure. Radical!

Lisa:Wait... they're actually teenagers. Real teenagers talk like that.

Lisa:Hey guys, what's up? I'm just hanging out, being all... chill and whatnot. Radical, am I right? That's still cool, right?

Cool Kid 1:Who is this nerd?

Lisa:I'm Lisa Simpson. I'm down with the kids. Yo, fo' shizzle.

Lisa:Well, let me analyze this compliment. First, I examine their facial microexpressions for signs of sarcasm. Next, I cross-reference their historical compliment patterns against their current tone of voice. I calculate the probability of sincerity using a complex algorithm that factors in their social status relative to mine, the time of day, and recent hat-related discourse in our peer group. After running these diagnostics, I can confidently say... I have no idea if you're being genuine, and it's exhausting.

Bart Simpson:Yeah, and then they use 'em themselves!

Milhouse Van Houten:Can you imagine? Cops on skateboards?

Bart Simpson:Late at night, cruisin' around the station...

Nelson Muntz:Doing tricks and stuff. Ha-ha!

Lisa:Into books? No, I'm not really into books.

Lisa:Only a gooney would spend all their time at the library like Bart does.

Cool kid:Hey, want to hang out?

Lisa:Sure, what do you want to do?

Cool kid:I dunno. Nothing motivates me. I'm too cool to try.

Lisa:That's the worst philosophy I've ever heard.

Cool kid:Yeah, it really sucks.

Bart:Hey Lisa, you can use my skateboard if you want.

Lisa:Oh, that would be totally rad, Bart. I'm gonna catch some gnarly air and do a sick kickflip.

Bart:Uh, Lisa... nobody says that anymore.

Milhouse:Wow, Lisa! You look just like Clarissa from Clarissa Explains It All!

Cool Kid 1:Man, he's trying way too hard.

Cool Kid 2:Yeah, trying is, like, totally uncool.

Cool Kid 1:Bart, you're a total loser.

Cool Kid 2:Yeah, nobody likes you.

Lisa:I'm sorry, but I have to disown you. From this moment on, your name is Barclay.

Lisa:Bart, you can't keep dressing like that if you want to fit in at school.

Bart:What's wrong with how I dress?

Lisa:You look like Dennis the Menace. You know, that boy who's always tormenting poor Mr. Wilson... or wait, is Mr. Wilson the one causing all the trouble?

Bart:Lisa, you have no idea what you're talking about.

Homer:Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! A dinner date! Yes!

Homer:Marge, look at me. I'm a dreamboat.

Marge:Homer, you're playing a children's game.

Homer:Shh, shh. The mystery man has spoken.

Homer:Hey Milhouse, that guy looks just like you!

Milhouse:That's the 'dud' card...

Lisa:Mr. Pinchy, don't you ever get lonely out here all by yourself?

Lisa:You know, I bet if you got out more, went to parties, made some friends, you'd be so much happier.

Lisa:Everyone would want to be around you. You're special, Mr. Pinchy. You just need to believe in yourself.

Lisa:No, I learned it from watching 'The Itchy & Scratchy Show.' They had a whole episode about a giant enemy crab.

Bart:Yeah, uh, I'll take a pack of cigarettes, some beer, and... enemas.

Store Clerk:Enemas?

Bart:Yeah, you know, for my... back problems.

Store Clerk:Here we have the 'Patriot' — it explodes in mid-air, rains fire down on your neighborhood, and destroys everything in its path.

Customer:Sold!

Cool Kid:Yeah, my mom packs me Capri Suns and Dunkaroos.

Bart:My mom makes me whole wheat sandwiches with carrot sticks.

Cool Kid:Dude, that's so lame. No wonder you're not cool.

Bart Simpson:My dad's like, the most patriotic guy ever. On the Fourth of July, he goes completely insane.

Homer Simpson:USA! USA! USA!

Bart Simpson:He wrapped the entire house in the American flag, shot off fireworks from the roof, and made us all wear stars and stripes outfits to the grocery store.

Homer Simpson:If you're not willing to look ridiculous for your country, do you even love America?

Bart:We celebrate French independence instead of American.

Homer:What? Why would we do that?

Bart:Because it's cooler.

Homer:Well, here goes nothing. This'll probably kill me.

Homer:D'oh!

Homer:The fireworks! They're exploding everywhere!

Marge:Homer, we need to get the children to safety!

Homer:Safety? What about my beer?!

Homer:Somebody help me save the Duff!

Homer:Well, the fireworks were a bust. I guess I'm just a failure.

Homer:You know what? This whole Independence Day thing is stupid anyway. I hate this country!

Bart:Eat my shorts!

Bart:Hey, that's MY catchphrase! I should be getting royalties on that!

Bart:Ay caramba is MY catchphrase!

Milhouse:Yeah, but you haven't said it in like three years.

Bart:Ay caramba!

Lisa:I can't feel my legs, but at least I'm cool now.

Bart:Listen to this: 'Lisa Simpson, Most Likely to Succeed.' Oh, and look at this picture - it says 'Lisa Simpson, Science Club President, Math Team Captain, Future Nobel Prize Winner.'

Lisa:Bart, give that back!

Bart:Wait, there's more. It says here you speak French fluently. Bonjour, Lisa!

Lisa:That's not funny.

Bart:Au contraire, mon soeur. It's hilarious.

Lisa:I'm not myself because of you! I'm myself IN SPITE of you!

Lisa:I guess everyone's going to hate me now that they know I'm a nerd.

Erin:Are you kidding? That's so cool! I think you're really smart and funny and nice.

Homer:D'oh!

Homer:Oh no, my car! All covered in shells and sea life!

Homer:But the real tragedy is I didn't use a coaster.