The One with the East German Laundry Detergent

ROSS: Not a big deal? It's amazing. You just reach in, there's one little maneuver, and bam! A bra. Right out the sleeve. As far as I'm concerned... there is nothing a guy can do that comes close.

We can? Okay, I'm trying that.

You know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts anytime they want. You just look down, and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.

Multiple orgasms!

So Saturday night, the big night. Date night! Saturday night. Saturday night!

- No plans, huh? - Not a one.

You're sitting with her. She has no idea what's happening. You finally get up the courage to do it. There's that awkward moment when you've handed her the note.

Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

I mean you break up with Janice. I'll break up with Tony. You're breaking up with Tony? I know. He's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore. I don't know if it's me or his hunger strike.

What's the matter? Why so scrunchie?

That guy, he burns me up. Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home.

Yeah, I got the extended disco version with three choruses of: 'You'll never make it on your own.' [SINGS] Uh-huh, uh-huh

One Mississippi, two Mississippi... three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool.

You look good. Because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs. You don't say.

You wanna hear a freakish coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too? - Who? - Me. Was that not clear?

Um... But there's a rat problem. Apparently, they're attracted to the dryer sheets. They're going in fine, but they're coming out all... fluffy.

You go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor. But Bob...

You and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, um... Monica.

Forget it! Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.

Oh, God, help us. What? Ugly Naked Guy is laying kitchen tile. BOTH: Ew!

Hold on there, camper. You sure you've thought this through?

It's laundry. The thinking through is pretty minimal.

It's the first time she'll see your underwear. You want it to be dirty?

Now, what is wrong with my Snuggles? What? It says I'm a sensitive, warm kind of guy. You know, like a little fuzzy bear.

Horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.

That's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car, run over some puppies.

Ew. I don't wanna do that.

Moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.

That's it? Yeah, it was really hard. Yeah, the hug looked pretty brutal.

Excuse me! I was kind of using that machine. Yeah, well, now you're kind of not.

I'm sorry. Is that your basket? Yes. It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds! What? No suds, no save, okay?

All right. Show's over. Nothing to see here.

That was amazing! I can't even send back soup.

What's that? Überweiss. It's new. It's German. It's extra tough!

Okay. You caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.

Don't worry. I'll use the gentle cycle.

Okay, well, these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or with delicates? That would be a judgment call.

So where did you guys grow up? - Brooklyn Heights. - Cleveland. Ha. Heh, heh, heh.

What? I suddenly had the feeling I was... falling. But I'm not.

You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbley noise she makes when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel... or a weasel.

But it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.

You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed! Wow! My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.

You can do this. It's like pulling off a Band-Aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.

I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...

It's a song. The laundry song that we sing. [SINGS] Uh-oh, the laundry's done

It's just that you left a red sock in with your whites, and now... everything's kind of pink. Everything's pink? Except for the red sock, which is still red.

God, I'm gonna look like a big Marshmallow Peep!

Something went wrong with Underdog... and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway... his head is, like, flopping down Broadway.

Close? She's got her tongue in his ear. Like you've never got a little rambunctious with Ross.

I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us... we can break them up.

[NIBBLING] Waiter? One more plate of chicken wings over here.

I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst breakup in the history of the world!

How do you do that? It's like a gift.

We should always, always break up together. I'd like that.

Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart. I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things.

Listen, Mitzi, if you want this cart... you're gonna have to take me with it!

Yes! Did you see that? You were incredible. A brand-new woman, ladies and gentlemen.

What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.

Excellent! We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves.

I'm free! I'm free!