The One with the Rumor

Hey, Rach, listen. Did you know that during pregnancy...your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back?

You fall for it every time.

And then after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting melons.

I mean, I was his thin friend.

Are you sure you're not talking about your imaginary boyfriend? No, that was Jared.

[Monica clears throat after praising Will's looks]

I still love Chandler. - Wouldn't hurt you to say it once in a while.

No, they're not. They're ugly and stupid and delicious.

Or Friday with no two pizzas.

That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani. This is what we do.

We may not be great thinkers or world leaders. We don't read a lot or run very fast, but damn it, we can eat.

Rachel's. But good to know where you're at.

We're not at a barn dance.

Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me.

I don't believe you. That is brilliant.

Every once in a while I just yell and scream stuff at the TV.

Oh, yeah. Anderson just scored again.

There's no Anderson.

Well, it's only like my favorite bay.

Yeah, I'm gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials.

It's no good. Throw it out.

Plus, I think it'd be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other.

Well done.

I'm watching the game but I'm not deaf.

God, I hated her.

Damn you, ref. You burn in hell!

Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm up my stomach first. Eating chips is like stretching.

And I'm here to tell you something. You can eat and eat and eat, but nothing will ever fill that void.

Hot stuff?

Would've been good if we had gotten in, but still, real fun.

God, we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?

Ross avoiding answering what he does now after Will calls dinosaurs lame

Oh, I'll be fine. It's just... God, I hate her, Ross. I hate her.

My two greatest enemies, Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.

Wow, really got that sexy smoldering thing going on.

[Will mouths 'I hate you' while Rachel thinks he's flirting]

Well, the Lions technically won. But it was a moral victory for the Green Bay Mermen.

Did we, um...? Did we fool around at Lance Davis' graduation party?

You are unbelievable.

It's like me when I was born.

Queen Rachel, does whatever she wants in her little Rachel-land.

Screw it. Bring on the yams.

Me and Ross.

No need to point. She knows who Ross is.

You went out with her? We had a pact.

Then why did it have the word 'eternity' in it?

A little relieved, I gotta say.

Cofounded.

Uh, except that it was really the 'I Hate Rachel Club.'

...you had both male and female reproductive parts.

We said your parents flipped a coin...decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.

You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader?

Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now, so that one's not really our fault.

I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.

I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof.

You are my Everest.

Today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey...but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a Power Bar...wraps up the rest and puts it in the fridge? No.

Sorry about your teeny weenie.

Well, you did start that rumor about Ross...making out with Mrs. Altmann, our 50-year-old librarian.

Yes, it is. I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog.

She also made out...with Ta-Taka-Ki-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand.

She probably wasn't familiar with the process...having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings.

She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another.

If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace.

Only when it was damp.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never got to be in a club. I didn't go to high school. But three of us would meet behind a Dumpster to learn French.

One girl wanted to be like you so much, she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll.

As a romancer of the elderly.

So you knocked her up but you're not gonna marry her. Dude.

Joey, those are my maternity pants.

No, these are my Thanksgiving pants.

Here come the meat sweats.

Just cut me a little sliver. A little bigger. Little bigger. What, are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece.