The One Where The Stripper Cries

Joey:You guys, I got it! I'm gonna be on Pyramid!

Ross:That's amazing!

Chandler:Okay, okay, we have to play Pyramid right now.

Joey:What? Why?

Ross:Because it's the best game show ever made.

Chandler:Alright, Joey, I'm gonna give you a category and five clues. You have 30 seconds.

Joey:Okay, okay, I'm ready.

Chandler:The category is: Things You Can Do. Go!

Chandler:Uh... eat a sandwich.

Phoebe:Well, I'm very excited about my wedding night. I've been practicing my moves. I can go all night long!

Chandler:Yeah, because nothing says 'cool' like two guys wanting to be a brother-sister pop duo from the '70s.

Monica:Oh my God, you're not talking about the time you did that magician act!

Monica:Ross, you made everyone sit through forty minutes of you trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat that wasn't even there!

Monica:Mom cried. Not happy tears, Ross. Actual tears of regret.

Monica:That's it. I'm leaving you.

Chandler:Did you even go to the same school as these people?

Chandler:What? I just said she had nice hair!

Chandler:Next thing you know, I'll be buying her a car, setting her up in an apartment, and we'll be naming our children!

Ross:Look at these band fliers I made! I chose this font because it's a sans-serif typeface with optimal kerning ratios and a DIN 1451 proportional structure that maximizes readability at small point sizes while maintaining aesthetic appeal through its geometric construction.

Chandler:We're finally getting our big break! We're playing at Madison Square Garden!

Joey:I know, right? This is it, man. We're gonna be huge.

Ross:Our names are gonna be in lights. People are gonna know who we are.

Chandler:Yeah, well, actually... it's not exactly Madison Square Garden.

Joey:What do you mean?

Chandler:We're playing at the NYU Podiatry Students Association annual fundraiser.

Ross · Missy · Chandler:We're called Way/No Way. - No way. - Way.

Ross:Hey, check it out. I'm totally tubular, dude. This new synthesizer is radical!

Chandler:Gag me with a spoon! That's totally gnarly. You're such a Max Headroom.

Ross:Totally awesome! We're going to be so fresh and fly. The ladies will think we're totally fierce.

Chandler:Word to your mother! This party is going to be off the hook, homey.

Ross:Okay, so we're agreed. If we both like the same girl, we talk about it first. No going behind each other's backs.

Chandler:Absolutely. Besides, it's not like we'd ever be competing for the same woman anyway.

Ross:Right. I mean, I could have any girl I want.

Chandler:Yeah, me too. Constantly fending them off.

Ross:They just throw themselves at me.

Chandler:It's exhausting, really.

Monica:You guys are idiots.

Ross:Okay, so we agree - no dating each other's exes, no dating anyone from work...

Chandler:Right. And obviously no Angelina Jolie, no Jennifer Aniston, no Gwyneth Paltrow.

Ross:Why would we even...

Chandler:I'm just covering all the bases. Being thorough.

Chandler:Although in your case, Ross, I think we can safely remove the celebrity restriction. I don't think that's going to be an issue.

Chandler:Hey Missy, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime? Like, dinner or a movie or—

Chandler:Could I BE any more nervous right now?

Joey:Don't worry, you're not as bad as you think you are.

Joey:I mean, you're pretty bad, but not AS bad.

Joey:OK, OK, it's a word that rhymes with 'mine'... No wait, that's not it. Uh, it's a word that means... like, you stand in it? At the store?

Joey:No, no, no, I'm doing this all wrong. I'm really bad at this game.

Joey:OK, one more try. It's the thing you do when you... when you... aw, forget it. I'm never gonna get this.

Joey:Okay, okay, I got this. Um... pyramid. Pyramid. It's like... it's like this one time I was with this girl, right? And we were in her apartment, and it was shaped kind of like a pyramid if you think about it from a certain angle...

Other Character:Joey, that's not how this game works!

Joey:No, no, wait! The point is, we were on this thing that had four sides, kind of like a pyramid...

Phoebe:So what happens at a bachelorette party? Do we just sit around and talk about... feelings?

Monica:No, we're getting a male stripper.

Phoebe:Ooh! So he comes over and he takes off all his clothes and he dances around and we just... watch?

Rachel:Yeah.

Phoebe:And we're allowed to touch him?

Monica:Well, usually just his chest and his arms.

Phoebe:Wow. So like, what if we just, like, grab his butt? Is that okay?

Phoebe:Oh, so no strippers? What, are we just gonna sit around drinking tea and talking about our feelings?

Phoebe:I can't believe this is the party. Where's the fun? Where's the excitement? I came here with fifty dollars in ones.

Rachel:and get an ETA on the pee-pees.

Gene:I'm thinking of something you put in coffee. It's white and comes from a cow.

Joey:Milk?

Gene:No, try again.

Joey:Cream?

Gene:No.

Joey:A cow?

Gene:Another clue about white things

Joey:Ghost!

Joey:Wait, wait, wait. So mayonnaise is made from eggs?

Joey:Does that mean chickens are made from eggs too?

Joey:Oh my God, I've been eating chicken!

Gene:I got a kid starting college. I have to get surgery on my knee. You just lost me 10 grand.

Joey:What? I nailed it! I was a ghost the whole time!

Chandler:Joey, you weren't a ghost. You were just standing there making 'boo' sounds.

Joey:Exactly! That's what ghosts do!

Monica:No, Joey, ghosts don't just say 'boo.' They have a whole... thing.

Joey:Well, I was a minimalist ghost.

Missy:Your 'band'?

Ross:We prefer the term 'musical ensemble.' And for your information, we've been together for three years. We have a very loyal following.

Missy:How loyal?

Ross:Well, my mom comes to every show.

Ross:Chandler and I made a pact in high school that we would never date you.

Missy:Well, that's funny because Chandler and I have been dating for three months.

Ross:They were making out in MY science lab?!

Chandler:It's not your science lab, Ross.

Ross:It's the school's science lab, but I was the one who spent time there! I was the one who cared about it!

Officer Goodbody:An out-of-shape older man complaining about the stairs

Officer Goodbody:You know, I used to be able to work a room all night. Now I can barely make it through my set without needing to hit the bathroom. My digestion just ain't what it used to be.

Officer Goodbody:I'm Officer Goodbody.

Rachel:Well, the name's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?

Rachel:We found him in the yellow pages.

Monica:The yellow pages? Rachel, those are from 1987!

Monica:Oh, wow! You're... you're very attractive. For a... for a stripper.

Officer Goodbody:You don't like me?

Monica:No! No, I like you! I was just thinking about... my ca—my car! Yeah, my car is double-parked!

Monica:Yeah, well, it shows.

Officer Goodbody:You know, I gotta tell you, all these stairs are killing me.

Officer Goodbody:I'm not as young as I used to be.

Rachel:I mean, that outfit is from the children's section!

Chandler:It's not a costume, it's a uniform. I'm a police officer.

Monica:Chandler, where did you get that uniform?

Chandler:I borrowed it from a kid in my building.

Ross:You borrowed a police uniform from a child?

Chandler:Yeah, but check it out — I'm ripped! I'm totally ripped!

Rachel:Well, if you're all man, you must be a very old man.

Rachel:Oh my God, I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You're doing an amazing job. Really, the way you were moving those hips? Incredible. And that thing you did with the pole? Mesmerizing. Please, come back and take our money again.

Alex Trebek:Your category is Nursery Rhymes.

Joey:Nursery Rhymes? Oh, I know this one! That's about Congress, right?

Alex Trebek:No, Joey, nursery rhymes are children's poems and songs.

Joey:Oh... well, Congress is basically the same thing. A bunch of people who don't know what they're doing and everyone's confused all the time.

Joey:Okay, okay, I got one. It's a term for when a politician serves in Congress. Four years, eight years, that kind of thing.

Henrietta:Is it... a penis?

Joey:No! No, it's a term.

Henrietta:Well, that IS a term for penis.

Joey:You know what? Let's just move on to the next one.

Ross:You promised you'd never tell anyone about that!

Chandler:I didn't tell anyone, it just came out!

Ross:That's what you said last time! You know what? We sound like an old married couple.

Chandler:No, what bonded us was that we all showed up.

Monica:You look really nice today.

Monica:Not!

Monica:Oh no, not the beanbag chairs!

Monica:If I sit in one of those, they're going to need a crane to get me out!

Adrienne:Oh, believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.

Ross:You know what really hurt? It wasn't just the betrayal. It was that you knew exactly how to hurt me. And then you did it anyway.

Chandler:Ross, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—

Ross:No. No, you know what? I'm gonna write a song about this. I'm gonna call it 'You're a Horrible Friend and I Hope Your Socks Never Match Again.'

Chandler:That's... oddly specific.

Ross:The subtitle is 'And Also Your Apartment Smells.'

Chandler:I'm going to get back at you by going after the person you like most.

Ross:No! Not my mom!

Monica:I've lost 50 pounds, you jerk!

Monica:I'm a new woman, and you can kiss my ass!

Rachel:Oh my God, you guys, I am like, so worried about my chemistry test tomorrow.

Rachel:I really need to study, like, seriously study.

Rachel:This is like, so not good for my GPA.

Rachel:Oh my God, that's the worst pickup line I've ever heard.

Officer Goodbody:I just can't do this anymore. I have a degree in literature!

Officer Goodbody:And these poles... they're not even real brass.

Chandler:What other skills do you have?

Officer Goodbody:Well, I can do a backflip, a handstand, and I'm really flexible.

Chandler:Those are all stripper moves.

Stripper:I can do a lot of things with my body. I'm very flexible, I can bend in ways most people can't...

Monica:Have you ever thought about a career in physical therapy?

Chandler:You're teaching a stripping class out of your apartment?

Officer Goodbody:Yeah, well, my mother doesn't mind. She's usually out on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Chandler:Your mother? You still live with your mother?

Officer Goodbody:Well, where else would I live?

Stripper:You know, I've been doing this for a long time. And I've learned that stripping isn't just about taking your clothes off in front of people. It's about... it's about connection. It's about making people feel alive, even if just for a moment. And yeah, my body's not what it used to be, but my spirit? My spirit is still dancing.

Gene:A tree with white bark, found in birch forests...

Joey:Um... pine?

Gene:No, it's a birch.

Joey:Oh! ...Is that a type of pine?

Joey:Okay, okay. Uh, let me give you a clue. Uhh, 'Gato.'

Gene:I don't know Spanish!

Joey:Okay, okay, think of something that's furry and has four legs

Gene:A dog?

Joey:No no no, that's too easy. Um, it barks at the mailman

Gene:A dog

Joey:Wait, you got it already? I had like fifteen more clues

Gene:Yeah, Joey, a dog says 'woof'

Gene · Joey:Girls Chandler could never get? - Supermodels.

Ross:That was like... what, three years ago? Ancient history.

Monica:Ross, that was the same night you kissed Rachel for the first time.

Monica:Two guys in one night? Rachel, that's not a kiss, that's a job interview!

Ross:Wait, where was Rachel?

Chandler:She was on the other bed the whole time!

Ross:Then who did I...

Chandler:That was me under all those coats.

Ross:I kissed you?!

Chandler:And you were really good at it.

Chandler:Wait a minute... that was my first kiss ever.

Ross:What? No it wasn't.

Chandler:Yes it was! I've never kissed anyone before!

Ross:Chandler, that's not... we've talked about this.

Chandler:Oh my God. Oh my God! It was my first kiss and I wasted it on... on...

Monica:Wait, wait, wait. You kissed my brother? My husband kissed my brother?

Monica:Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

Chandler:It was an accident!

Monica:An accident?! How do you accidentally kiss Ross?

Ross:Yeah, how did that happen?

Monica:I don't even want to know! Actually, I do want to know, but I don't want to know! This is so gross!