The One Where Joey Speaks French

Oh, he's at the doctor's, he didn't poop the whole time we were there.

which according to my resume, I'm fluent in.

BTW, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?

It was ok.

Oh, you're so sexy. / Seriously, stop or I'm gonna jump on you.

Oh hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as my wife and the woman who's carrying my child?

No? Divorce?

I want the baby to come out all cute and fat.

and, you know, there's always some idiot who goes 'Moo'.

Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?

My father had a heart attack... while I was at Barney's.

Still, still, let me come... for me.

Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.

Monica, calm, self.

Well, welcome to NYC, or should I say ...

This baby better be really good.

Ross, please. This is a hospital, ok? That actually means sth here.

Ross, please, don't be so scared of him. / I am not scared of him, I'm really sick. / I'm feeling better.

Oh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?

No, when you put your feet up on my bed, you tucked on my cathode.

What? A heart attack is sitting here talking to you.

So what's new with you, huh? Knocked up any more of my daughters lately?

Nope! Just the one. Rach!

What are you doing? I have to go before pull your head through a wall!

I think we solve the mystery of heart attack.

Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room. / Like I have ever been in Rachel Green's room.

But we do.

Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room.

What taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!

Haven't had sex in 4 months, I should get a medal for that!

Yeah, you missed a lot when you were mooing.

How is that now? / Well, there is a chance it's another guy.

I mean, I've only ever been with 2 guys but they sorta overlapped.

No, he's in prison. / No. He killed his father with a shovel.

But other than that he's a great guy. / I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.

Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel killer.

I'll keep an eye on him. / Easy for you to say. He's a father killer. / He probably loves his mommy.

He's probably got a tattoo says 'Mom' on the shovel wielding arm.

See?

Again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!

For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!

In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.

I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied.

I gotta say I have not had sex a lot times before, this is the worst ever.

What? That's right, sex is off the table! I'm never having sex with you again.

If the baby is a boy, would you name him after my father Jiminy Billy Bob? / Noo. You were right, that was fun.

Oh, God, it's Shovelly Joe, isn't it?

Because the thing she did with the prison guy would be pretty hard to make a baby that way.

Oh, God. What was it? The thing we hardly ever do or the thing we never do? / The thing we never do.

Uh, I am Ugeon Phillogne.

I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estelloude.

But my French was good? / It was great. / Merci.

It's shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good. / Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Hey, do you remember that one really great time? / Oh, yeah. / You know, it was your birthday... / It was Valentine's day...

Even if we want it REALLY bad. / That's what WE decided.

I hate waste.

Just so you know, with us, it's never off the table.

Dammit, it's never off the table.

You can drink a GALLON of milk in 10 seconds? / Alright, watch me!

You did it!