The One with the Dirty Girl

Thanks for the tasty dinner. -You're welcome for a tasty dinner.

Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world. Yeah, come to Papa!

Probably the only time I'll say this... but did you see the ass on her?

What did you...? When did you...? How did you...? How did you get a girl like that?

But that's, like, the easiest era.

Maybe her friends are betting to see who gets the biggest geek.

Fine by me. Hope she wins.

See who can bring home the most beautiful woman. That's a good idea, Joe. We could call it life.

I have a call in about that.

Don't touch it because your fingers have destructive oils.

Then you'd better keep it away from Ross' hair.

What a great way to say, 'I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend.'

It doesn't say that. Does it?

Like a crossbow!

Oh, my God! What happened? Sixty guests.

You sound like 'Moni-can't,' not 'Moni-can'!

Moni-ca.

Neither have you. -Yes, but I'm doing this.

You can pee here.

It's okay. The duck's using our bathroom anyway.

And not one of your coupons for an hour of 'Joey Love.'

But you can't help me develop my new universal language.

Oh, my God! It was the best funeral ever!

It's like I am the official caterer for that accident.

You told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I be'd.

Aborigine.

Aborigine. Oh, no, I tried that already.

Did Homo erectus hunt with wooden tools? According to recent findings.

Do you have any Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?

Don't take this the wrong way... but your place kind of has a weird smell.

Look what we almost left! That's not mine. Look what we almost took!

No, but I made a widow cry. See you in hell.

Do you know the name of that one? I don't know. Grease?

Yes, it is... at Office Max!

She's not 11! And it's not the seventh night of Chanukah.

She's writing. She turns it over. 'It's time for my date with Joey!'

She didn't have one. For three years?

Oh, so it's a card, but it's also a poem-holder.

With those thick glasses, her tears look giant.

It's either 'That massage wasn't long enough'... or 'I don't know any of those songs'... or 'These sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!'

Like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time... and garbage is all that has survived.

What kind of smell? I don't know. Soap?

Now you go get that beautiful pig!

Yeah, I found this great place called 'Invisible Things for Kathy.'

Oh, 'pathetic'!

Is it a book that's also a safe?

Wow. That's almost as much as a new book.

Or the limo driver, or the priest, and he can get the dead guy damned for all eternity.

We're part-time caterers and we have no place else to go.

Department of Sanitation?

Thank God it's not Mitzi! It's just a rat.

I did it! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug.

I'm a hard-ass. And I'm a wuss. We should be partners. Hard-ass and wuss. We could fight crime.

It'll be like I have a wife in the 50s!

I got to tell you... I feel bad taking credit for this, because... am I going to get a lot of credit for this!

You think it's just a pen, but you turn it over and it's also a clock.

Don't forget your coupon.

When Joey gave it to me he said: 'This is because I know you like rabbits, and I know you like cheese.'

In case you missed that, that sound was, 'Oh, well.'

Hey, that coupon expires, you know.

I won't be able to sleep.