"Friends" The One In Vegas: Part 2

Phoebe:Oh my God, Ross! You look like Pancho Villa!

Ross:Phoebe, it's just a goatee.

Phoebe:Well, it's a very authentic Pancho Villa costume. Very impressive.

Phoebe:Oh my God, you're Pancho Villa!

Phoebe:And you're Bob Saget.

Rachel:Oh my God. Oh my God, no. You mean I've been walking around all day with this drawn-on mustache?!

Phoebe:Well, yeah. That's what I was trying to tell you.

Rachel:Phoebe! Why didn't you just say something?!

Phoebe:What kind of party is that?

Ross:Hey, you know, with that mustache, you really do belong in the men's room.

Monica:Those people at the casino are so weird.

Joey:Underground mole people?

Monica:No, Joey, the regular casino people.

Joey:Oh, right. Yeah, those guys are weird too.

Monica:That's when the lurkers swoop in.

Joey:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Murder?

Monica:My nana paid for my dance lessons through gambling.

Monica:I mean, karate lessons.

Joey:Dance karate? What is dance karate?

Monica:It's like karate, but with dance. You move like water, strike like thunder, and your kicks are set to music.

Joey:That's not a real thing.

Monica:It is too! It's very real, and it's very beautiful.

Rachel:Does it come off?

Ross:Yeah, it comes off.

Ross:I drew it back on.

Rachel:Why would you do that?

Ross:I panicked!

Chandler:This is Joey's hand twin.

Hand Twin:Thanks, I've been told I'm pretty hot.

Joey:No, no, no, you guys don't understand. My hand twin and I, we're gonna make a fortune. We're gonna buy a huge mansion together.

Joey:It's gonna have, like, a wing for me, a wing for him, and a special thumb residence in the middle for Chandler.

Chandler:Yeah, and I'm a monkey's uncle. I watched you go through an entire box of tissues, a gallon of ice cream, and my entire DVD collection of sad movies last night.

Chandler:I'm leaving! I'm done! This is it!

Chandler:I'm walking out that door and I'm never coming back!

Chandler:Well, I would be, but... packing is a lot of work.

Chandler:So I'm just gonna stand here with this empty suitcase until you all apologize.

Joey:Wait, wait. So you're telling me you found my hand twin? What does he look like?

Chandler:Well, he's got your hands.

Joey:Yeah, but what else? Hair? Eyes?

Chandler:I don't know, Joey. I was really focused on the hands.

Rachel:What else did the hotel clerk say?

Ross:He said I have the most symmetrical face he's ever seen.

Ross:It's barely noticeable.

Rachel:Ross, I look like a human doodle.

Ross:I didn't mean... you're not a freak. I just meant... you're a little weird. No, not weird. Unique. You're uniquely... particular about things.

Rachel:Ross.

Ross:What I'm trying to say is, you have some quirks. Fun quirks! The kind of quirks that make you... special. In a good way. Most of the time.

Rachel:Ross, you said no one would notice!

Ross:Well, I was wrong. Everyone noticed.

Ross:What? No, I don't like macadamia nuts. I'm just eating them because they're here.

Ross:*continues eating macadamia nuts*

Phoebe:Hey! Hey! Go on, get out of here! Shoo! Shoo! This is not your casino!

Monica:I can't stay mad at him. I mean, look at him. He's so cute when he's all worried. How can I stay mad at my Chand love?

Joey:This land is your land, this land is my land. From the east side to the west side, from your fingertips to my fingertips. This land was made for you and me. Wait, whose fingertips?

Rachel:Oh my God, I look like my grandfather!

Ross:Wait, wait, wait. Twenty-three is... that's a winning hand here, right? Right? In this casino, twenty-three beats twenty-one. That's the rule here.

Dealer:Sir, you busted.

Ross:No, no, no. Twenty-three. It's lucky. It's very lucky in... in Europe. I just got back from Europe.

Chandler:Could I BE any luckier?!

Chandler:From now on, you can call me... The Chanimal! The Chandman! The Chandinator!

Chandler:*does ridiculous dance moves*

Chandler:Monica, just pick a number! Your only job is to call out a number. That's it. You're not performing brain surgery. You're not negotiating peace in the Middle East. You're calling out a number!

Monica:Relationship advice from a guy who just lost his shirt at the craps table. That's who we're taking tips from now?

Monica:Oh, well, it started when you—actually, you know what? I have no idea either.

Chandler:Really?

Monica:Yeah, I was so mad, and now I can't even remember why!

Chandler:Okay, okay, one more game. Double or nothing!

Monica:Chandler, we've been playing for three hours!

Chandler:I know, but my luck is changing. I can feel it!

Monica:That's what you said two hundred dollars ago!

Chandler:Alright, alright. High roll wins. If I win, you have to... you have to marry me.

Monica:What?!

Chandler:I'm kidding! ...Unless I win.

Monica:Oh my God! Yes! Yes!

Chandler:Wait, you're saying yes to the proposal or yes to the dice roll?

Monica:Both! Either! I don't care!

Crowd:Wait, you bet on whether he'd propose?

Monica:Okay, everyone stay calm. The die went under the table. I have a system for this.

Monica:First, we establish a grid pattern. Then we assign zones to each person.

Monica:Rachel, you take the east quadrant. Chandler, west. Phoebe, you're on perimeter watch.

Monica:Everyone check under the cushions in your assigned sector. I'll coordinate from here with a clipboard.

Monica:And somebody get me a flashlight and a ruler. We need precise measurements.

Ross:Wait, wait, wait. The die is borderline between 4 and 5?

Chandler:Yeah, so it could go either way.

Monica:You're not putting our wedding on a dice roll!

Joey:Why not? I make all my decisions that way.

Phoebe:That explains so much.

Elderly Woman:I know you've been lurking around here. Your hair is very pretty, but I'm going to hurt you.

Phoebe:I'm gonna follow you everywhere you go for the rest of your life.

Phoebe:Well, except I'm going to Barbados next week, and then I have that thing...

Elderly Woman:We both leave Monday. Why don't we share a cab to the airport?

Rachel:Yes, hello? I'd like to order some food to my room, please.

Rachel:Hello? ...Hello?

Rachel:Oh my God.

Ross:Joey's apartment is rent-controlled.

Ross:Hi, I'd like to check in.

Hotel Staff:Of course, sir. Will you be needing anything else? Perhaps... a mirror?

Security Guard:Is this true?

Phoebe:Well, I didn't actually see her steal anything, but... she DID try to poison me once.

Security Guard:We're just taking you outside.

Elderly Woman:Outside? Oh no. I knew this day would come. I can't go back to prison. I've got a new life now!

Elderly Woman:You can't prove I was involved in the heist of '63. And the arson was an accident!

Ross:Wait, I have something old!

Rachel:Really? What?

Ross:A condom from my wallet. I've been carrying it around since high school.

Monica:Ross, that's not what they meant by 'something old.'

Chandler:Yeah, and at this point, it probably IS old enough to vote.

Monica:Taking hotel property is stealing.

Ross:It's not stealing, it's a perk. Besides, everyone does it.

Monica:Ross, you can't just take things that don't belong to you.

Ross:Relax, they expect it. That's why they charge so much for the room.

Monica:Then why are you hiding it in your jacket?

Ross:I'm... keeping it warm.

Phoebe:Hi, I'm Regina Phalange, and I'd like to apply for a job here.

Phoebe:Wow, you two have really similar hands!

Joey:I know, right? We're like hand twins or something.

Phoebe:That's so weird. I've never seen anything like it.

Hand Twin:Okay, fine! You want my hand so badly? Here, take it!

Joey:Really?!

Hand Twin:No! Get away from me!

Joey:Wait, wait, wait! He's my hand twin! We have a connection!

Joey:You can't just separate hand twins! It's not natural!

Monica:Well, it also plays when people are being executed.

Ross:Okay, so if we get married, I'd be Mrs. Monica Geller.

Monica:No, you'd be Mr. Monica Geller.

Ross:That doesn't sound right either.