The One with Unagi

Remember when I had a monkey? What was I thinking?

20 percent is a pretty generous tip. You know what's more generous? 50 percent!

You know what's even more generous? I see where you're going.

I'm down to, like, three. Actually, two, because one of them I blackened some teeth. Why'd I do that?

It helps if you've got a little of this going on.

Wow! I still have it.

Finally, an explanation.

I really prefer doing that at the home office.

Do it?

Kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you.

Takes it out of you?

Isn't that a kind of sushi?

Yeah, it is. It's freshwater eel.

I would kill for a salmon-skin roll right now.

In case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat... or your kettle of fish?

Surprise! [Ross attacking the women]

If we made reservations, we could have unagi in a half-hour.

Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar.

And, of course, crotchless panties.

As appealing as that sounds to her boyfriend... and her brother...

You can't make crotchless panties? You take scissors and cut..

I thought so too, until I papier-mached one of my eyes shut.

I made a flar-lar-lar.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Wait a minute. That is my sock!

Now it's your little bunny friend.

This actually is a flar-lar-lar.

I can't believe it! Make the presents!

Just so excited to make the presents!

Hi, I'm Joey Tribbiani. With all due respect, I'd like to donate some fluids.

That's too bad. I've been saving up.

Testing the Effects of Joey Tribbiani on Attractive Nurse Receptionist.

Results are back on that one. They're not good.

What the hell was that?

A lesson in the importance of unagi.

At what point during those girlish screams would you have kicked my ass?

Danger!

Ah-ha! Unagi!

2000 bucks is a lot of money. I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone... who looks exactly like me?

Chandler. I sensed it was you.

Are you aware that unagi is an eel?

It's a replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.

I could use that. I could say, 'Your love sends me to the moon.'

Except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. You can say, 'Your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely.'

I can't give this to her.

It says 'Captain Ross' on the side.

And it says 'I hate Monica' on the bottom.

Danger!

Salmon-skin roll.

I can't do it. I can't do it.

A mixed tape! A mixed tape!

It's a sock bunny. Remember how I call you bunny? Not really. I did one time. And I want to start doing it more.

Phoebe makes sock bunnies. No, she doesn't. What she makes, they're sock rabbits. They're completely different.

I didn't make it! I forgot about tonight and that we're supposed to make the presents.

Well, I did put a lot of thought into the tape.

It's like that old saying, 'Have sex, eat some cake.'

Who the hell are you? I'm Joey. How are you doing?

No! No! No! No! No! How you doing? How you doing? Damn it, Carl! Go wait in the hall.

Sometimes the good ideas are right in front of you.

We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed up. Can I get a piece of that cake? Pizza! We like pizza! Get out!

You will not find a single game-show host whose ass I cannot kick.

It's not something you are, it's something you have.

Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is this not gonna be? Another Minute Maid fiasco.

I'm not gonna talk because.. Damn it, Carl!

But you're not identical twins.

Damn it, Carl!

Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, number three: Macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs.

I love the way you look every night, Chandler.

That's why I made you this tape. Happy birthday! Love, Janice!

I was watching. A couple of questions: You know that last move... where that woman tripped you and pinned you to the floor? What would you do next?

I tried attacking two women. Did not work.

You attacked your ex-wife? Oh, no. No, no. I tried. But I couldn't. That's why I'm here.

Maybe we could attack them together!

That's a no.

Nowhere to run.

Danger! Oh, my God! Why is he jumping on those women? We should help them. I don't think they need any help.