Charlie Wants an Abortion

Come to Philly for the crack - It has a picture of the Liberty Bell on it

Well, excuse me if all my T-shirts don't have a little guy playing polo on the lapel

They're tribal - Oh, they're trib... I'm sorry. What tribe are you from? What? Is it, like, an Indian tribe or...

Are you gonna turn into the mad munchkin? Do you represent the Lollipop Guild, Charlie?

It's about our son!

Nobody wants to hear that

I mean, I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing, you know? - Like be there for him? - No. Get her an abortion.

So you're not allowed to use birth control, but abortions are no problem?

You remember Genesis, Book Two, Verse Three? And he breathed into the nostrils of Adam on the first day. And it was good.

Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.

I remember Stacy Corvelli. She was a slut.

Uh, Mac, what's God's stance on blood tests? Hmm. I don't know. I'd have to check.

Which one of you fags is supposed to be my dad?

Are you serious? This is the guy?

I'll blow you for $10. You know what? Let me consult some of this free literature they got here regarding that proposition.

I wanna go to the mall! He's biting my hand! He's biting my hand!

I don't really wanna join your little freak show. Just looking for some information.

I hate dead baby fetuses, you know? I hate them because they're dead, and they shouldn't be. They should be alive, and they should be loved.

Charlie, what in the hell are you gonna do if this kid's yours? Oh, I don't know. I'll probably, uh, kill myself.

That is such a coincidence. That's exactly what we're here doing.

He loves Mexicans.

That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill. There's two already crossed out.

I can't do this! Tommy's not your son. RememberJimmy Doyle from high school? That son of a bitch is Tommy's real father.

God! All right. So can I still take him out on Saturday?

I don't really have any convictions.

I will smash your face into a... into a jelly!

Get lost, breeder.

Are you hitting on me at an abortion rally?

I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.

You gotta get an abortion.

You can't have this kid. I'm way too young, and I have a little bit of an alcohol problem...

This kid reeks of booze! Are you drunk? Don't be drunk.

Maybe that's why you don't have a dad anymore!

Why? Why?