Charlie Got Molested

Charlie's panicked response to being asked about Coach Murray: 'What? No. Yes, he did. We were in the same class. No. Yeah. Well, no, I didn't like it though.'

Charlie suddenly runs away: 'I gotta go!'

Mac's confident declaration: 'Holy shit. Charlie got molested.'

Dennis suggesting they tell everyone Charlie got blown by a gym teacher and throw him a surprise party to celebrate

Mac's obsession with whether Murray 'blew these guys' and detailed description of the McPoyle twins

Well, if Murray is, like, fondling or touching them, whatever... I get it, all right? But if he's dishing out blow jobs, come on.

Mac's realization and outrage: 'then why didn't I get blown?'

Dee and Dennis's horrified reactions: 'You're goin' to hell, dude. Seriously.'

I'm not gonna walk in front of you! Go. / Just come in. / No, you go first, and I will follow you.

Dee calling Dennis out for using big words: 'Why are you throwing around big words?' / 'You failed all your classes'

Dennis's math logic: 'three-quarters of a major is bigger than a whole minor'

Liam McPoyle's slip about showering: 'We just stepped out of the shower' then claiming he said 'he'

McPoyles explaining their plan: 'he's a dick, and we hated him. This is our chance for revenge. You want in?'

Ryan McPoyle's business plan: 'there's the classic route of priest molestation... but we thought we'd mix it up a bit'

McPoyles' prison threat: 'prison can be a bad place... for someone like you, Charlie. A very bad place.'

Dee's confession about Dr. Gainer: 'I had sex with him 'cause I wanted to... He was a hot older man'

You have no room to talk. All the girls you've molested. Whoa, whoa. Don't start throwing that word around like it's meaningless, okay? This is serious.

Molester.

Coach Murray's defense: 'I got so much ass back in those days. What the hell did I need that kind of shit for?'

You know when you get real tight, like, right up in here in this area here? You know what I mean? Not here. Like right in here. What are you doing?

So, the assailant doesn't go after the one he finds most attractive... this guy. He goes after the weakest he can find.

Mac explaining Charlie was too psychotic to molest: 'his face would turn purple and he'd start biting things'

Mac on the McPoyles: 'They were prime real estate. I'm sure he went to town on them.'

You know how I already know that? 'Cause you keep saying it. I keep saying it because... it is. I'm sorry you're wrong about stuff all the time. I'm sorry that you're sorry all the time.

Uncle Jack at the intervention echoing the McPoyles: 'Prison can be a bad place for a guy like that. Very bad place.'

The anatomically correct doll reveal and family's reactions

Okay, Charlie, show us on the doll. Show you what? Where he touched you.

Family member suggesting turning the doll over and everyone's uncomfortable agreement

Dee's revelation: 'my sister screamed and told everyone that I touched her vagina'

I gotta say, my favorite part was at the end there when we were all hugging... and my sister screamed and told everyone that I touched her vagina.

Sodomy.

McPoyles' math: 'Split it 50-50... How 'bout Charlie?... We could always split it 50-50-50.'

Charlie's betrayal: 'Great. I just ratted you out.'

Great. I just ratted you out. / Can I see you two boys for a minute, please?

Dennis claiming victory: 'three-quarters of a major... not so bad after all'

Charlie's dark conclusion: 'everybody thinks that I've been molested. So, in a way, my life is ruined.'

Murray's final assessment: 'That little prick's goin' to hell.'