Overage Drinking: A National Concern

Characters watching underage kids make out with 'too much tongue' and debating whether it's weird to watch

Trey Jr.:Yeah, fuck off, grandpa.

Charlie:This is classic Tammy.

Mac:Huh? Did you say something? I wasn't listening.

Mac:No, because I am an adult, and I like adult stories, like a sexual psychological thriller.

Tammy:You were 30.

Dennis:Okay, well, let's not do that, you know?

Dennis:Time's all in your head, Tammy. And in your ass, apparently.

Dennis:You know, sometimes I feel like she might be the one that got away.

Charlie:It's probably gonna wind up in a rape or a murder.

Dennis:You know we can hear you? I would never do that.

Dennis:That's actually not a cologne. No, that's a pheromone serum. I heard about it on Rogan.

Dennis:It's, like, testicular fluid from, like, a bull's prostate or something like that.

Dee:Human females?

Tammy:Did one of you step in dog shit?

Charlie:No, you know what that is? That's the old piss cans. I haven't changed them in, like, forever.

Mac:Buddy, how... I don't get it. I mean, how can you be so obsessed with cleaning the bar, and yet you live in all this piss and shit?

Dennis:Oh, no, come on. Don't be silly. It's just the excuse I made to sort of peel off and be alone with you.

Dennis:That's your fault, mister, because, uh, you get things moving inside me, you know?

Trey:I got to take a shit.

Dee:I live free. Like a wild beast.

Dee:Let's bang and make Trey jealous.

I have to take a shit.

Mac:Why do they call them that? There's no soap involved. And no singing. Nothing operatic about it.

Cricket:What's good, baby? What's poppin'?

Cricket:If this got something to do with that john who got his dick bit off, I don't know shit, all right?

Charlie:Jack Kelly, attorney at lawyering.

Charlie:You have an office? That in itself is a mysterious twist. No, he doesn't. He's talking about my mom's basement.

Charlie:You know what I mean? I got to find Frank. I got to find out what I'm president of. You know, these are, these are big decisions that are kind of over your head, man.

Dennis:Yeah, I was going for that forbidden teen drama thing, you know? I convinced her that Trey Jr. cheated on her, and the only way she could get back at him was to sleep with me.

Dennis:The whole thing was done in silence. Except for the noises that I was making.

Dennis:She didn't know any moves, you know? I tried to teach her, but she wouldn't listen to any of my commands.

Dennis:We don't have a song. How could we have a song together? We listened to no music whatsoever. The whole thing was done in silence.

Dennis:I think the fact that she was 19 is actually the reason why Trey and Tammy didn't want their son dating her. Because she was robbing the cradle. You know?

Charlie:I told you we had international dealings. You know what I mean? Africa is a big market for us, you know?

Charlie:Frank always said he wanted his dick and his heart to explode at the same time.

Charlie:If he did, he did it hard as a rock.

Trey Jr.:She said when she was in high school, you were 40.

Dee:I was 30.

Trey Jr.:What's the difference?

She said when she was in high school, you were 40.

News Reporter:Fortunately, the teens survived the crash, although both sustained injuries, and will be likely severely disfigured.

Dennis:Well, I could definitely kick his ass now, right? He's all jacked up.

Mac:You know, if they're just, like, mangled and stuff, then I think it's nothing. It's not anything. Yeah, m-maybe a horror film?

News Reporter:Frank's Global Youth Foundation brings joy to needy children.

Dennis:Well, that's what you call a plot twist.