Matthew 'Rickety Cricket' Mara

I was the only other person in physical therapy with you

Hey, you still get balls-to-the-chin cracks? / No. Actually, that was a long time ago.

You do realize you're leading me on right now? I'm a priest.

Ever since you convinced me to abandon the church... my life has been in a bit of a tailspin. That doesn't ring a bell.

Look at this place. It's exactly as I imagined it would be. Hey, is there a dream catcher above your bed?

I can get a horse. You're not gonna get a horse, Charlie. We can have some coke then. She likes Swiss! I knew it! I pictured Swiss.

I'm writing a musical. It's about life on the streets. Archangel has to live on the streets and fight crime.

You 'sold' our drug money on two garbage cans? These are trash cans, Cricket! These are trash cans? Then why do they sound like this?

I did it! And I made It so sexy! Look at this. I've achieved total sexiness! I am the man! I made it so sexy.

They broke my legs but they didn't break my spirit / But I don't feel no pain 'cause I found more cocaine

They broke my legs but they didn't break my spirit. But I don't feel no pain 'cause I found more cocaine. Cocaine

Rickety Cricket. I suppose you're here to win the bar because we ruined your life.

The latest leg brace technology courtesy of the great state of Pennsylvania.

My legs! The technology failed me! He's fallen and he can't get up!

And I will stalk the streets and live in the shadows of the night until the streets of Philadelphia run red with their blood!

We're making brownies. The drug filled kind. Shut up, Cricket!

Don't eat it, Dee! It's filled with cough medicine. I love you!

I have a shattered kneecap! Dee, we can start again. Right? Never talk to me again, you goddamn street rat!

You're gonna harvest my organs, aren't you?... You're gonna rope me and you're gonna harvest my organs.

Why?... Uh.. I'll spend a lot less time asking questions, more time running.

Tag! You're it!... Tag, you're it? And a knife? What the hell is this, man?

This appears to be a rendering of... the two of you sodomizing the king whilst the queen is forced to witness.

you are both slanderous perverts lacking any semblance of moral fortitude. However, I do desire to seek further counsel with the lady.

A simple "no" would have sufficed.

No, I'm unscathed, my darling. This is the blood of my men. We've suffered too many casualties. All our guns jammed.

I don't give a shit about the troops.

America sucks! The terrorists rule. Ah la la la!

I must had an itch.

It's from when Frank hit me with the trash can. Wound got infected. It was a whole ordeal.

I wake up, I find a dog sniffin' at my wound. He's fully aroused, mind you.

Does my scar look like a dog's vagina?

Not since that Chinaman stole my kidney.

Couldn't find soup, but I found some dirty dishwater.

We don't want them thinking it's an interrogation. Oh! Hey! Party! Party! All right! Hey!

It's Cricket! / Cricket. / Oh, what are you doing down here, Cricket? / I come down the bunker sometimes when it rains.

No, I ain't going to no hospital. They euthanize the homeless. They're goddamned death camps!

You're marching me to the ovens.

You're gonna treat me like a dog, huh? You're gonna treat Cricket like a dog?

I went to go find my name tag-- they didn't even have one. It's like-- it's like what, I never existed?

Well, actually it's Father Mara again. Is it? I cleaned up, yes, and I was welcomed back into the cloth.

It's her fault. She told me she loved me. We were supposed to be together forever.

Cricket's revelation about stealing jewelry and being covered in ringworm after Dee told him she loved him

Yeah, I got into a skirmish with a stray chocolate lab. I won't go into details, but suffice to say, that dog is very paralyzed now.

Yeah, but I'm kind of a dog executioner, so, uh, looks like old Cricket got the last laugh.

Well, uh, no. You know, yeah, mostly just, you know, cleaning up the poops, you know, washing out their cages, that kind of thing. Ah. Sounds like you're a dog janitor then.

I see an opportunity. Make three bucks. Ba-da-boom!

Pick me? What? Put me down! Pick me! I deserve it.

Hey, turkeys, gobble, gobble.

I was a priest before I got involved with you guys.

What, I can't have squash? I can't have blow?

This happened to me when I was locked in your burning apartment at Thanksgiving. - No, you weren't there for that... - I don't think you were there, man.

I don't need to suck him or anything or... let him inside me?

if he wants up inside me, it will cost you a whole sixer, I mean, that... I got my dignity.

Is that a glory hole? - Yes. It is, my son. But it'll cost you a whole sixer if you want to unburden yourself in that way.

he used to, um, scream in baby's faces. - Well, that's just funny. That was just plain funny... - Okay, no, you know what he used to do? He used to gather, like, cats and dogs... and then put them into like a little room and, like, have 'em battle it out. - That's just cats' and dogs' nature, to fight, so I don't see a problem with that.

All right, um... he used to, um, scream in baby's faces. - Well, that's just funny. That was just plain funny. - I know, I know, I know. - They'd be all freaked out...

also, he murdered and ate his family. - Right. - What? - Jesus Christ! That guy's a goddamn maniac! I'm not absolving him!

there's a storm brewing on the inside... He's straight-up possessed by the devil... He used to be fun crazy... then the devil was like, 'I like this dude! I'm gonna get involved!'

Get the demon, the goblin, the ghoul and then you got Pete. - Well, no, no, no, no. There's no goblins, there's no ghouls, it's just demons, okay? - Well, they're all made up, so...

Unless you have crack. If you have crack, let's boogie. - No one is going into your asshole. - I wouldn't let them without the crack.

Cricket demanding his five bucks from Charlie for dancing like a monkey

You want to hear about a... dog orgy or when a cat bit off my toe?

I call this one 'Dog Three-Way.' 'Cause I was recently in a dog three-way. Actually, four with me, so, four-way. I was in a dog orgy.

Hey-o! You guys mind if I shower in that leaky urinal again?

This is, uh... They took out the kidney, actually, from the fron... A Chinaman. And he did not know how to do it, I'll tell you that much.

Hey, you guys mind if I go in the bathroom and smoke some PCP? - No, dude, you do you! - Go for it. You do you! - You do you! - You do you! We don't judge, Cricket, we don't judge.

You're nothing but a street rat! / I may be a street rat, but I still got your bread, bitch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm the suck boy you're looking for. You want my time, you got to pay to spray. That's my motto. That and you cannot finish inside me.

You're dying. / What? / I figured. You look like hell. Hey, has anyone claimed your organs?

It's a seller's market right now.

Do I look like a dusthead to you?

In fact, I'm the type of gal who makes men's lives better. Hey-o! You guys mind if I shower in that leaky urinal again?

Well, that... don't count that. That's not a good example.

Eh. While I'm here, I might as well... do a little P to the C to the P.

This is nice. I'm gonna sleep well tonight. / No, no. You're not gonna sleep there.

Eh, too exposed. / No. I-I'll sleep in, uh, maybe the crawlspace or a cupboard.

When did I ever burn Dad? / You stole his identity. Eight times!

Well, at least I didn't wet the bed till I was in high school. / Shut your mouth about that. / Whatever, Davy Diapers.

He's the one who stinks, by the way. His shoes smell like rotten eggs. / You smell his shoes?

Yeah. He kicks at me if he catches me sleeping at work.

Hey, date! / Um, I'm sorry. What? / Shit. Sorry. Um, haven't done this in a long time.

Damn it! How the hell did you guys find me? / A magician never reveals his tricks, Cricks. / Yeah. We did put that pet-tracking device in him.

Wait. You did what? Wait. Did you put a chip in...? Did you put a chip in me?!

Are we ready to party tonight? / So am I!

No, you're not paying me in lemons again. / You want to get paid in PCP, Cricket?

My name is not Cricket, okay? My name is Matthew Mara. I'm a person. A person, by the way, who has a job now.

You guys are the worst. / He wants the lemons. / He needs the lemons for the scurvy.

And by the way, my name is not Cricket, okay? My name is Matthew Mara. I'm a person. A person, by the way, who has a job now.

Look, I am not funny, and I'm sure as shit not cute.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? / Go behind some Dumpster and bang? / I was kind of talking about that date.

I met the most amazing girl. I'm in love. I'm in love!

Carl Lewis couldn't catch him! / I can.

Did you just do a flip off that truck? / Yes, sir. That is how dedicated I am to keeping your business.

Okay. Well, guess I'm gonna have to cut your heart out then. / What did you just say? / I said I guess I'm gonna have to cut... your heart... out of your body.

You see, uh, I'm from the streets. And I'm about to poke you full of holes.

I said I guess I'm gonna have to cut... your heart... out of your body.

You see, uh, I'm from the streets. And I'm about to poke you full of holes.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what are you doing?! / I'm making out with the woman I love. / That's Dad's dog. You're making out with my dog!

Dog? Oh, shit! Oh, no. Maybe it's time to make a change.

Nah, I'm gonna smoke it.

Maybe it's time to make a change. / Nah, I'm gonna smoke it.

You got to put all that nonsense behind you once and for all. / Hey-o! / Oh, Cricket! / Hey, you guys mind if I go in the bathroom and smoke some PCP?

Your nose is bleeding as we speak. / Okay, I came up portside on a horse, and he was a little quicker than me... that's lesson learned.

Rex represents the best that Philadelphia has to offer. / Either way, Cricks, you're out.

All right, fine, it's me. Cricket. / Cricket. / Yes, it's me, it's me. I snuck on, all right? This damn nose.

Perfect timing, man. I need to get this out to Brady. Brady's ready to go out. He's really wiping that sweat off with that towel. I mean, he's really going at it.

Lady, I'm not going anywhere until I see an Abraham Lincoln. Here you go. What is this? Like, 73 cents. No. I-I said Abraham Lincoln. Those are pennies.

No, no, no, no. Lady, I'm not going anywhere until I see an Abraham Lincoln.

Like, 73 cents. No. I-I said Abraham Lincoln. There's a bunch of Lincolns in there. Those are pennies.

Cricket? What are you doing here? Dee paid me to cover her shift, hence the getup.

More. Oh, yes. Do it. Harder. Yes. I'm a slut.

Frank hired me to go down to the local bars and stick my fingers in the garnish stations.

When someone flashes a roll of nickels at you, you don't ask questions, you just do.

"Cricket! Where did you come from?" "I was up on the roof getting eggs from a nest."

"I've fallen off buildings before; I never die. And look at me. I'm doing great."

"I'll push him. I don't give a shit."

What is your deal, man? One second you need me, the next I'm a pile of garbage? / Cricket, beat it, man... You better beat it, or I'm gonna beat you with my shoe.

Vos omnes maledicti mille annis.

There's only four in here. / I drank two of 'em, of course. / If I'm being honest, I drank four. Two of those are piss.

Something wrong with your dick? / If it's your dick, though, I got to charge you for it. / I'm not whipping anything out! / There's a tiered system...

I can be whatever you want me to be, champ. / Oh, he can. / Would you make it... Do a, do a turn. Do a spin. / There you go. Make it sexy. Let's go.

What's good, baby? What's poppin'?

'If this got something to do with that john who got his dick bit off, I don't know shit, all right?'