The Golden Bachelor Live

Frank:Can't wait to find a Grade A, prime cut piece of Ass.

Jesse Palmer:To love. Frank, admittedly, was a little rougher around the edges than we're accustomed to.

Frank:All right, so where are all the broads?

Frank:I dropped a couple of blueys. This baby's got about a half hour to perform like, pew, and then that's it. So, let's hurry up.

Frank:Oh, my God, I'm getting a chubby.

Frank:Uh, nope.

Contestant:Excuse me?

Frank:No. No. Nope. Pass, pass, pass, it's a pass.

Frank:Are all these whores gonna be this old?

Frank:I mean, you could hear their pussy crackling.

Frank:It was like, just, old meat.

Frank:Well, I knew there would be a couple of duds, but I thought you Hollywood people were all about diversity.

Frank:You ever hear of Cock Chewa?

Her catchphrase was, 'Chew on that thang.'

Cock Chewa:Hey, y'all! Chew on that thang.

Frank:She's it. She's the one... I choose her... Yeah, the game's over.

Cock Chewa:I get paid for this, right?

Frank:Oops, I thought you said we were done with the old ones.

Sam:I got better looking boils.

Frank:Oh. Oh. What's this? I thought I said no dudes.

Frank, what are you doing? You can't bring your own plugs.

Frank:One's an on-ramp, one's an off-ramp. I'm leaning toward the 20-year-old.

Gang, gang.

Cock Chewa:Chew, chew.

Cock Chewa:That's a butthole.

Frank:I guess people pay her to respond to emojis?

Frank:Look, if we don't bang soon, I'm gonna boot you off the show.

Frank:Made 12 grand. It was incredible. Except for the chewing.

Frank:I had to dump out big time.

Oh, well, that makes two of us. Just got here myself.

Frank:I would say we bang at my place, but I don't want you hanging around after.

Frank:You knock him off?

Sam:Personally, I think he was smuggling drugs down from Canada, got chainsawed by some cartel.

Frank:Did you keep the dong?

Sam:Of course I did. I had it pickled and put in a jar.

Sam:That's what I would have wanted.

Frank:Hmm. - Wow. Beautiful.

Frank:Which is probably better because my cock was chewed to shit.

He had hired actors to play them.

Frank:These people are maniacs. You don't understand. I was afraid they were gonna embarrass me on national television.

Mac:Okay, listen, bitch. You are not getting the money.

Dee:we will snuff that thing out like a cigarillo.

Charlie:Please. I think we all know Disney's never gonna air this.

Sam:I got chicken money and plenty of it too.

Charlie:Did you see that? I didn't have to say it. She walked right into it. Dee's a bird.

Cock Chewa:Oh, I love the gays. I'll chew on that thang.

Mac:But our living arrangement is perfectly age appropriate.

Dennis:But he is gay.

Mac:Well, he is gay.

Dennis:Well... Goddamn it.

Cock Chewa:I'ma barf on it.

What?

What?

That's not your line.

Mrs. Kelly:To be a slut and to marry Frank.

Frank:Do I go Chewy first and work my way to Bonnie through Sam? Or do I run the risk of being gnawed to a stump and have to heal?

Sam:I took a whole destroyer full of torpedoes, you know?

Sam:I shortened my name to Sam and I told everybody, 'Ooh, I-I really liked that so much better,' but I didn't.

Sam:So I changed my name, Frank, because I thought nobody would care enough to take the time to say the whole thing.

Charlie:The prank is this, when they fly us out there, we set off one of those elephant toothpaste bombs in the mansion.

Our appearance may seem gruesome, but all can be quite easily explained... creating an unintentionally sinister tone.

Dee:It was my jealousy of these women that drove me to surreptitiously add 20 gallons of Nair hair removal into the concoction.

Charlie:♪ You wear short shorts If you dare wear short shorts Nair for... ♪

Host:You actually thought that the woman's birth name was Cock Chewa?

Frank:Well, Bonnie, you are a dirty, dirty slut.

Bonnie:Thank you, Frank.

Frank:Chewy, I gotta be honest, I don't like the teeth. I never understood the chewing thing.

Frank:You go deep, deep, deep. The bottom? Oh. I may never recover from that.

Frank:I got rid of you because I like you too much and it scared the shit out of me.

Frank:I got rid of you because I like you too much and it scared the shit out of me.

Mrs. Kelly:Be strong for your little gingerbread man.

Mac:Why are you doing everything in threes?

Charlie:So Charlie doesn't die.