Charlie Gets Crippled

Do you have, like, a little throat or something?

Oh, yeah? Try this on for size. Your mother's dead.

No, she's not dead. We're gettin' divorced though.

You drop the bomb, then you soften the blow. You never tried this?

I hate the kind of person that your whore mother turned me into.

Mom? She's on vacation banging one of the boys she hangs out with.

Well, that was awkward. / Yes, it was. / Sort of a private conversation.

I've been manically depressed for the past couple of years. I just feel like I need a serious change, or I'm gonna kill myself.

So when you say you're giving your money away to poor people... do you mean, like, 'Mexico' poor, or can it be, like, 'me and Charlie' poor?

Uh, my best friend ran me over with his car.

That's the spirit that beat the Japanese!

I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. You're a woman. You're weak, and you can't.

Whatever your feeble little arms can carry out of here, you can keep. And the rest is mine.

Whatever your feeble little arms can carry out of here, you can keep. And the rest is mine.

Go, go, go! Go, horsey!

Yeah, yeah. Check under my bed or under one of my pillows.

Don't you roll away when I'm talking to you.

Here. Hey, Charlie, here's five dollars. Go down to Wawa, pick me up a couple of sodas. I got a feeling I'll be pretty thirsty after this.

Oh, that is a shame. It slipped.

People give you free shit, and women treat you like a puppy they found out on the street.

Look at Sweet Dee sitting on her cloud of judgment, handing down life lessons to all the sinners.

I wanna be pathetic and desperate and ugly and hopeless. / I am not ugly.

You made me sleep out in the hall. You ignored my cries for help in the middle of the night. I'll pay for your rent for six months. Twelve. Six. Ten. Six. Nine. Six. Ten. Six. Twelve. Four. Six. Deal.

I had polio. Okay? That's why I'm rocking the F.D.R. Look with the blanket and everything.

Are you sure you're okay? It's really important that I do this myself.

I got it! All by myself, I did it.

I have polio. Oh. And I have polio... He has polio too. Mm-hmm.

I have polio. / He has polio too.

Athletes. / Yeah, that's true. / But after that. / Rock stars. / Yeah, also true. But after that, Frank. / Actors.

Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!

He's my poor little crippled boy.

I bet you a million dollars if I had talked to a girl about my withered legs, then... / A million dollars?

Those two guys are pretending to be disabled and kicking each other's asses.

Yeah, with this! I mean, the whole thing is... This is good as gold.

Frank keeps coming in. He swoops in, he takes my chicks. He doesn't care about me. What kind of a guy does that?

Like I'm a piece of crap. Like I belong on the street. Like I'm some kind of piece of dirt.

War hero coming through. How you doing? War hero. So... kind of a big deal.

I rigged it up. It's like... I'm really using my hands, but they don't know it.

The only thing that attracts the attention of strippers more than pity is money. And I brought a shitload of that.

If I have to listen to you talk about this stupid... goddamned stuffed elephant anymore... I'm going to punch you in the head.

He was like a companion. / Strip club!

Mr. Tibbs was not just some stupid stuffed element... elephant, okay? He was like a companion.

Are you people all pretending to be handicapped? / Mind your own business.

Don't youse ever stop fighting and just shut the hell up? Now, who wants ice cream?

What a bunch of assholes.