The ANTI-Social Network

They blew on their sign until it came off 'cause they thought it was cool?

Charlie:He and his Jews have connected the whole world, and now they're toppling regimes.

Charlie:And Egypt and Japan and the Jews are all peaceful together...

Charlie:Do you think a human being can blow a sign off of a building? I didn't until Mac said it.

Frank:In Charlie's defense, you could loosen the screws, get up there and blow...

Dee:Ugh. Ew. What the hell was that?

Frank:We'll do a really cool video of how we serve gin in spaghetti cans or something like that.

Mac:I got the sign down. And there's no way a man could have blown that off of our bar.

Mac:I never once said that!

Dennis:The guy that shushed us last night-- is that bugging anybody else?

Dennis:I don't shush them like they're animals. I use my words.

Dennis:And we'll pop a shush on the guy and we'll be right back.

Mac:Facebook. Found him.

Charlie:What if you hit it faster?

Dennis:for all this guy knows, I'm a psychopath with a trunk full of chainsaws, right?

Charlie:And I could be a man with a fist full of hammers... and a trunk full of duct tape and zip ties.

Yeah, people who could have chainsaws. Or hammers.

Bartender:Don't think I'd care.

Dennis:Shh!

Bartender:I mean, I was finished speaking.

Mac:It's like an online shush.

Frank:Say, 'I got infected.'

Mac:Get that away from me.

Dylan Toback:I am a man-whore. I hate women. I am a liar.

Mac:A silk sash at Tootie's?

Mac:Daddy got a new plan.

Yeah, well, yeah... He was raping us... Well... wha...? He was raping you. Yeah, well, yeah...

Dennis:No. You can't rape two guys.

Charlie:The guy never quite made it inside of me but, my friend here, yeah... He, like, really, kinda made soup of your insides...

Charlie:And the guy was super-small, so I'm fine.

Dennis:That's him.

Mac:That is him.

Sorry about that, ma'am. Hi, ma'am. Uh, we thought you were this guy, Dylan Toback.

Mac:I did because of your hair. Here's why: it's the hair and it's the cardigan, and it's the build... It's the way you stand, and the broad shoulders.

Dylan:Sally, send me money.

Dylan:Sally, mail me hair.

Sally:Mail him hair? Weird, right?

Mac:Aw, those disgusting ex-girlfriend porno sites! I mean, there's so many of them, though! Which one?

Dennis:This chick is douchier than Dylan. Let's get outta here!

Dennis:I'm going to write 'Rude man who shushes, please call' at the top, and then, at the bottom, I'll put my phone number.

Dennis:I'm saying call me, let's have a phone conversation. Yeah, don't tweet. Don't just tweet me, don't shush me-- you know, let's connect.

Catfish:I am Dylan Toback.

Dennis:No, no, no... Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm... Don't say that!

My real name is Catfish!

Dennis:Don't you shush me! Don't you shush us, goddamn it. Don't disturb Jerry.

Mac:Dee banged a fat old black lady, and then sent her hair.

Frank:Welcome to Paddy's Pub... the oldest pub in America.

Dennis:Well, that's not true.

Frank:Right. No, I lied.

Dennis:Everybody lies on the Internet.

Frank:'Cause we also got donkey shows, Motley Crue and cake.

Frank:I am a doctor... Dr. Toboggan. Mantis Toboggan.

Dennis:I said a 'viral video,' Frank. Goddamn it. Goddamn it!

Customer:You guys open?

Dennis:Yes, we are. Charlie, lock the door.