S07E08

In today's fast-paced society, National Parks are still the best place for full-moon werewolf transformations.

Yeah. Also, you have lipstick on your teeth.

Oh! Well, then, welcome to the Terrordome.

One time, Andy told her that I was getting rid of my bangs and she called 911.

Any time your name comes up, I panic and change the subject to the Twin Peaks reboot until she gets bored.

Leslie's extreme reaction to font change suggestion

She'll drown me in the Potomac while she recites facts about the Potomac.

The cool nicknames list mix-up with Apple juice, barbecue sauce, Count Chocula

Tell him it's Count Chocula... No, it's Andrew Dwyer. I'm sorry.

Assassins? Hit men? ... You guys are doctors? ... We build things.

Ron's deadpan tour: 'This is a door. These, of course, are walls.'

Is this your brother? ... No. ... Fine. Yes, suppose the cat's out of the bag.

You worked at the Parks Department? Tour is over.

I didn't really make the shirts. But did you, though? Yes, I did.

It's a large-scale storage unit for surplus vinyl sheeting.

Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie.

No, that's insane. We use the Towson Method. It's tried and true.

Distract the guard so the Hamburglar can make his escape.

I do have an appointment with the President.

It is 'actuarily' very good to see you guys.

It is 'actuarily' very good to see you guys.

Yes. Every month of my life since fourth grade.

Polynesian folk music band 'Across the Isle' pun explanation

She designed her own major, Halloween Studies.

Does that compound your interest? Huh? What do you say? Huh, Barney?

A confirmation hearing? A freaking confirmation hearing?

Old Norbs is stepping down. Couldn't handle the pressure, huh? What a wuss. His marriage is falling apart. Oh! Oh, okay. She had an affair with his best friend.

April's ALF photograph résumé

Get me Garry Gergich.

Looking at me like a crazy person... I see a new home.

April, we have a bench in D.C.

I don't want to work in government. I quit.

I haven't seen you this upset since you almost forgot Ann's half-birthday.

Well, you were so wrapped up in your story that you actually ate my waffle.

You actually ate my waffle.

I do not compare people to Mary J. Blige lightly.

I used bullet points instead of numbers, because I find it conveys strength and competence.

Give me the job! My name's April Ludgate, and my talent is explosive. Go USA! USA! USA!

I had to miss the 'Memorable Rain Gutters of Washington' walking tour, so this better be good.

Now, take your shoes off and wear them like mittens. April. Okay, sorry.

Which is why I have decided not to turn you into a sea urchin. Which I could do because I am an actual witch with powers and I'm evil...

Leslie's throw pillow with Alyssa's face stitched onto it

I found this crazy woman on the street and she won't leave me alone.

I want to tell people what to do, and then send them far away from me.

It's weird. I feel like I need to take a shower in pig's blood to wash all the niceness off me.

I feel like I need to take a shower in pig's blood to wash all the niceness off me.