The One with the Fake Monica

l could use another reason why women won't look at me.

Excellent dream score.

More importantly... was l any good?

ln my dreams, l'm surprisingly inadequate.

Last night, you seemed to know your way around the table.

l love it when we share.

Sorry, it was a one-time thing. l was very drunk, and it was someone else's subconscious.

Ooh, give me. Can you see me operating a drill press?

l don't know. What are you wearing?

Pirates again?

l taught a 'Massage Yourself at Home' workshop. And they are.

My secretary's gonna be out. She's having one of her boobs reduced. lt's a whole big boob story.

l don't know if it'd be your thing... because it involves being normal for a large portion of the day.

ls it for dinosaur emergencies? Help. They're still extinct.

All she has to do is dial 55-JlMBO.

A cool number and a possible name for the kid.

When we were....

Rob that cradle.

Mature and grown-up, he's a big boy.

That'll stop when you pick up the phone.

l'm not in a meeting.

Most likely.

Did l turn the fish? Nope, because l made lasagna.

No, Andre is not here. Third time today.

l do not perform those kind of services.

That's right. JUMBO with a 'U,' sir. You don't want me. Judging by his number, l'd be a huge disappointment.

They don't like you.

Everyone. Except for.... No. Everyone.

Mr. Bing. Boss Man Bing.

Could that report be any later?

The hills are alive with the sound... of music. My scone. My scone.

That is so not-- That-- Oh, shut up.

Up until l was 9... l thought 'gunpoint' was a place where crimes happened.

Why do people continue to go there?

lf that's what you kids are calling it these days, then... yes, l am.

l just haven't been to that particular one yet.

Even when you practice it at home, man, oh, man... it is nothing like that.

You didn't mention the Tic Tac.

l just thought you were naturally minty.

l just had sex with someone who wasn't alive during the bicentennial.

l just had sex.

My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states.

l'm Joan Collins.

Who?

There were times... when it wasn't even me.

This has nothing to do with him needing a note to get out of gym?

Could you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?

lt's morphin' time.

That's part of the whole... them-not-liking-you extravaganza.

l don't wanna be the geek who invited the boss.

Then at four, Muppet Babies is on.

You were great. But they still made fun of you.

Mr. I'm-one-of-you Boss. Mr. l-wanna-be-your-buddy Boss Man Bing.

lf she punches in 9-1-1... she's having a baby. Otherwise, l just ignore it.

Frankly, it was a little more than l needed to know.

l'm actually 30. l have a wife and a job. l'm your congressman.

You're actually gonna throw this away because it's 'icky'?

Moist.

Could these margaritas be any stronger?

Great. Now l'm having a baby.

l'm hurt.

There are doctors there.

For the ride.