The One with the Ick Factor

Doing it on this table.

Excellent dream score.

More importantly, was I any good?

Interesting, because in my dreams, I'm surprisingly inadequate.

Well, last night, you seemed to know your way around the table.

I love it when we share.

I was very drunk, and it was someone else's subconscious.

I don't know. What are you wearing?

She's having one of her boobs reduced. It's a whole big boob story.

It involves a lot of being normal for a large portion of the day.

Is it, like, for dinosaur emergencies? 'Help, come quick! They're still extinct!'

A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid.

When we were?

Well, maybe 25, 26. - I am 26. - There you go.

That'll stop when you pick up the phone.

Mr. Bing's office. [IN MELLOW VOICE]

I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... [interrupted]

'Most likely.' [BOTH CHUCKLE]

What you doing? [OVER INTERCOM]

Did I turn the fish? Nope, because I made lasagna.

So did you shave your legs? - Yeah. - Uh-huh.

No, Andre is not here. Third time today.

No, sir, I do not perform those kind of services.

Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. That's right. 'JUMBO' with a U, sir.

Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment.

They don't like you. - What? - I thought you knew that.

Who doesn't like me? - Everyone. - Except for, um... No. Everyone.

Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing. Boss-Man Bing.

Could that report be any later?

The hills are alive with the sound... of music.

My scone! - My scone! [ALL LAUGHING]

That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up.

Think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up at Gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorized at Gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking, 'Why do people continue to go there?'

Is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat'?

Well, it's somewhere in between.

Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days... then yes, I am.

Even when you practice it at home, man, oh, man... it is nothing like that.

I'm 25. And 13 months.

In high school.

Oh, God. I just had sex with someone who wasn't alive during the bicentennial.

I just had sex.

My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states.

Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad.

I'm Joan Collins.

Who?

Nobody, uh, handing out mints or anything?

There were times... when it wasn't even me.

And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym?

Could you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?

It's morphing time. - Stegosaurus! - Tyrannosaurus!

That's part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you extravaganza.

I don't wanna be the geek who invited the boss, you know?

Now you're more like Mr. Caring-Boss. Mr. 'I'm-One-of-You'-Boss. Mr. 'I-Wanna-Be-Your-Buddy'-Boss-Man-Bing.

This morning he got a call from what I think was our cousin Nathan. And frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.

I'm actually 30. I have a wife. I have a job. I'm your congressman.

If you were a few years older or I was a few years younger... or we lived in biblical times...

Could these margaritas be any stronger?

Some people are gonna be working this weekend.

Ross? - I'm here.

Ross? - I'm hurt.

What, so I can't look nice? There might be doctors there.