The One with the Evil Orthodontist

I'd much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty.

No way. Mr. Salty is a sailor. He's gotta be the toughest snack there is.

I don't know. You don't wanna mess with Cornnuts. They're crazy.

I feel violated. And not in a good way.

You guys, look. Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots.

Have you called her? She'd know I like her. That's crazy.

How needy do I wanna seem? I'm right. Right?

I can't believe my parents are pushing me to find one of you people.

Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat.

No, interestingly, her leaf blower picked up.

I ended up using the phrase, 'Yes, indeed-io.'

Does he look like he was told to shove anything?

That man across the street just kicked that pigeon.

And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.

I had that chicken, where you poke it and butter squirts out.

Not a good day for birds.

That's nice twice.

He's engaged to another woman... who happens to be your ex-best friend?

It was so nice having this little sink here.

Hey, I've been honing.

She might think I'm in a restaurant. I might have a life.

Like I haven't been sitting here... honing for the last two hours?

You cook naked? Yeah, toast, oatmeal. Nothing that spatters.

What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.

Way better than Mindy.

When I went there on what would've been our honeymoon... it was really nice. You would've liked it.

I had a bra.

I'm 12, I'm not stupid.

For future reference, that thing in your hand... can also be used as a phone.

Desperate? Needy? Pathetic? You obviously saw my personal ad.

This is where you'd use that 'hello' word.

God, I miss just being needy.

Oh, do I?

I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?

It's nothing like me and Carol. If she said to you, 'Ross, I want you on this couch... right here, right now,' what would you say?

If it helps, I could slide over.

It's orthodontists and lesbians.

I have a jam-packed schedule. And I am late for keeping up with it, okay?

Hell is filled with people like you.

Get down? And boogie.

Now, you know, I'm, like, the other woman. I feel so... Naughty.

When she taught you to kiss, were you wearing any kind of little uniform?

We haven't had a second date... she needs to hear me pee?

Do you? No.

I accidentally shut off my phone.

That's why I'm dancing.

Not like when I asked if those red pants made my ass look big.

except for Laurie... who's bitter because she lost weight... and it turns out, she doesn't have a pretty face.

It is. It is. It is.

Since the engagement, he's acted weird. And then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel.

When Barry was engaged to you, he and I... kind of had a little thing on the side.

You are so stupid. We are both so stupid.

Smell familiar?

Ring, damn it, ring.

Just like you told her you did. Just pointing out the irony.

Rdtor.

Sidney's a woman. So she's a woman, so what?

She said you looked pretty that day in the green dress. The green dress? Really? She said you looked like Ingrid Bergman.

She wants to know why you tie the towel around your head. It's a leave-in conditioner, okay?

We are here to break up with you. Both of you?

Which one of us are you talking to there?

Please. That second time, you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup.

The first time didn't really count. You know, it was Barry.

What is it with you and Aruba? Do you have a deal with the airlines?

Okay, and we'll be here, hating you.

If I'm hogging the ball, you jump right in there... and take some punches. This feels great.

Mindy, the guy is the devil. He is Satan in a smock.

Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber... D.D.S.

And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba.

I'll give you this: Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. He's got the monocle, he's got the top hat... Did you know he's gay?

I just wanna clarify this. Are you outing Mr. Peanut?

She seems nice, but her coming all the way here... just to see if I was okay? I mean, how needy is that?