The One At The Beach

Chandler:Wait, wait, wait. Can you start from the beginning again?

Unknown male character:Seriously.

Chandler:Does Bonnie ever talk about anything besides sex?

Phoebe:Well, she talks about geography.

Chandler:Geography?

Phoebe:Yeah, she says things like, 'Get on top of me' and 'Get behind me.'

Chandler:You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of all the sex talk.

Joey:What? What are you talking about?

Chandler:Every conversation we have, it always comes back to sex. Can't we just talk about something else for once? Like geography?

Phoebe:Oh! I love geography!

Chandler:Thank you. Okay, so... did you know that the Sahara Desert is expanding?

Joey:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Expanding? Like... how much?

Chandler:About five miles per year.

Joey:That's not as much as I'm expanding when I see a hot girl in a bikini.

Phoebe:Oh my God, I found a photo of myself from 1965!

Unknown character:Phoebe, that's impossible. You weren't born until 1967.

Phoebe:I know! I'm very advanced for my age.

Unknown character:Hey, Bonnie had sex there!

Joey:Has anyone seen my gorilla mask?

Chandler:Why would you need a gorilla mask?

Joey:Because the real gorillas keep escaping from the zoo, and I figured if I dress like one, they'll think I'm one of them and leave me alone.

Chandler:You're not going to die alone. You're going to die with dozens of cats, and that's worse.

Chandler:I'll be your boyfriend.

Monica:No.

Monica:You're Chandler. You know. Chandler!

Chandler:Yes, that's what I'm saying. You just explained who I am by telling me my own name.

Chandler:So Monica, I was wondering... would you like to go out with me sometime?

Monica:We're married.

Unknown character:Good! You bought food

Unknown character:Reveals they didn't bring food

Phoebe:I have great karma.

Phoebe:I hit a guy with my car once, but it's not affecting my karma.

Chandler:I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me. I can't have children!

Chandler:And this time, they've ganged up and formed one giant superhat.

Chandler:I mean, there's sand everywhere. It's like we're living in an hourglass.

Joey:Or a giant cat used our apartment as a litter box.

Rachel:Wait, wait. So there's only two guys left on the planet, and one of them has a gun to my head?

Phoebe:Well, when I was growing up, we didn't have a bathroom in our house. We just used the ocean.

Phoebe:I'm best friends with someone's daughter.

Other character:Whose daughter?

Phoebe:I don't know, but we're best friends!

Phoebe:Would you like a cookie? I just baked them.

Phoebe:How about some milk?

Phoebe:OK, I'm getting you a shot of tequila.

Phoebe:Oh! They called me 'Pheebs'!

Other Character:That's cute! What about before that?

Phoebe:Oh, before that they called me 'Phony Phoebs.'

Phoebe:Yeah, well, at least you knew who your mother was.

Chandler:Strip poker isn't a law.

Joey:Yeah, but it should be. It's the only way anything gets passed in Congress.

Joey:Hey! Hey! What are you doing?! No, no, no, no, no! Stop it! I'm not letting you near my face with those things!

Phoebe:Oh, well, I'm very smart, I'm very talented, I have an amazing life...

Phoebe:Wait, what do you want to know about Monica?

Monica:Okay, everyone, I'm going to randomly pick someone to help me organize the storage closet.

Chandler:Oh no.

Ross:I just remembered I have to... be anywhere else.

Rachel:My hair needs washing. Right now.

Phoebe:I'm gonna go feed my imaginary cat.

Joey:Audition! I have an audition!

Monica:Wait! Nobody leaves!

Monica:We couldn't find cards for strip poker, so we're playing strip Monopoly instead.

Monica:Apparently, every time someone lands on 'Go to Jail,' they have to remove an article of clothing.

Monica:Ross is already down to his socks and we're only on the second round.

Ross:Okay, I got snake eyes. According to the statistical probability model, there's approximately a 2.78% chance of rolling double ones on a standard pair of six-sided die, which means I have successfully achieved an outcome that falls within the lower percentile of the distribution curve.

Joey:Wait, wait, wait. How about this? I'll take off my shirt, but I keep my boxers on.

Chandler:That's not a strip game, that's just you getting a tan.

Joey:Okay, okay. How about I take off my boxers, but I keep my socks on?

Monica:Joey, that's not better!

Chandler:I'm telling you, last night was insane. Ross and Bonnie were so loud, I think we woke up a pod of dolphins in Central Park.

Monica:Chandler, there are no dolphins in Central Park.

Chandler:Well, there are now. And they're filing a noise complaint.

Joey:Morning! So, did you guys...?

Bonnie:Joey!

Joey:What? I'm just saying, you look happy!

Bonnie:I can't get sand out of my hair.

Monica:Have you tried wearing a hat?

Bonnie:Well, I would, but I'm bald.

Ross:What? What are you talking about? She looks fine!

Chandler:Are you kidding? She looks like a hard-boiled egg!

Rachel:No! ...Well, maybe a little.

Joey:I'm not playing strip poker for practice.

Chandler:Come on! I've already taken off my shoes and socks!

Joey:Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did you win?! You're Chandler!

Phoebe:Wait, is he my father?

Phoebe Abbott:I'm your mother.

Ross:I can't go swimming.

Ross:I have a really rare condition where I'm allergic to chlorine, but only on Tuesdays, and only if I've eaten a Tic Tac in the last four hours.

Chandler:I'm doing Tim Conway! Did you get that reference? That was a good one.